Heaven Help Us (Loki Fanfiction)

Another secret

My eyes burned from the light streaming through my window. My head started to pound as I tried to focus.

I rolled over so I wasn't facing the blinding light, only to be met with the floor with a thud. I didn't even attempt to get up for a few moments, instead I rested my head upon the cold floor, trying my best to use my power to rid me of this headache. It was no use.

'Might as well have a bath. A bath always helps.' I thought to myself as I stood up and made my way to the washroom.

I filled the bath nearly all the way, causing the water to spill over the edges slightly as I submerged myself. The steam filled my nose helping me to relax.

My mind wandered off until I heard my name being called from the other room.

"I'm in here" I called, knowing who it was.

His footsteps got louder until he was at the door, opening it slightly but not coming in.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Just having a bath. You can come in."

"Just want to inform you that dinner will be served soon, if you want to join"

"Yeah, that will be nice" I replied, not realised how hungry I was until now.

With that he shut the door and left. He must have still been angry with me from last night. But I wanted a drink, I needed it.

After a long soak the pounding in my head began to subside, although I knew I would have it for the rest of the day.

I got myself dressed into one of my favourite gowns, it was green with gold across the breast and over one shoulder, and hopefully this would make Loki forgive me from last night.

Making my way to the hall I saw Sif in front of me so I called her to wait for me.

"You still in trouble?" She asked as I approached her.

"Of course" I laugh

"I'm surprised he hasn't sent you back to the healing room" She says as we begin to walk

"He probably knows I won't stay there. What happened after I got dragged away from the fun?"

"Nothing much...A fight almost broke out between Hogun and another drunkard, Volstagg was the only one standing, as well as singing at the end of the night. The usual" We both began giggling as we entered the hall, all eyes were suddenly on us.

"Afternoon ladies" Thor greeted us before we sat down. I between Thor and Sif, Loki right opposite me. Odin was at the head of the table, Thor at one side and Frigga at the opposite.

The table was full of food, meats, cheeses, bread, vegetables and more.

General small talk was said during dinner, Frigga asked if I was doing well, which I was. Apart from the rotten head ache, but that was my fault.

Loki had hardly spoken, and he didn't say a word to me, only glanced a few times. Maybe the dress didn't work.

After dinner i excused myself from the table and made my way to the library.

I was still getting strange looks from guards and workers at the palace but I shrugged them all off.

The library was dim, only the torches on the walls and two windows were giving light, but it was still as beautiful as the last time I was here. Shelves towering thirty feet tall stretching all around the room.

As I was looking for something to read when I felt a presence behind me.

"Come to read too? Or are you stalking me?" I chuckled at the latter, but got no response from him.

I turned to face him, the light from the window eliminating the left side of his face.

"You still pissed at me having fun last night?" I stared at him.

"I told you not to leave"

"Oh Loki, I just wanted to relax, get my mind off things" I say, quite frustrated as a pick up a random book off the shelf and sit down.

"What things?" he follows me.

"Just...things, It's not important" I sigh, looking down at the book in my hand

"Just tell me" he barks, towering over me, causing me to jump.

"I can't, not yet" I bark back at him.

"Why? What has changed since you left? Do you not trust me?"

"Loki, please"

"No! I demand to know"

I stand up, throwing the book away from me as I stand in front of him, anger brewing up inside me and the throbbing returning to my head. He steps back slightly.

"What if I am not ready to tell you? What if I can't bring myself to remind myself never mind you...?" I say sternly but calmly, looking straight into his eyes, but not giving him a chance to reply.
"...A lot of things have changed, I wish we could just go back to the way we were but we can't, not straight away."

He just stares at me, what seems like hurt filling his eyes.
I drop myself back into the chair I was previously sat in, rubbing my temples as the throbbing in my head came back with a vengeance.
He doesn't say a word, only leaves, slamming the door behind him.

Their was no point in holding back the tears, my breakdown was well overdue. Oh, I thought I would be stronger than this. Not stronger as in I wouldn't cry, but I thought I would be able to put on a mask and keep it on. Pretend everything was fine.

I bring my knees up to my chest, hugging them like a child would hug their teddy after a nightmare, hoping it would bring comfort.

I can't tell him, not about Thanos' plan or...the other thing I have been hiding.

I have to figure this out on my own.