decisions (tom kaulitz x reader)

• 22 •

my heart was beating so fast as i cried into my pillow. i wanted to stop crying, i hate this feeling. my whole heart just shattered. it physically ached. tom really was spotted letting some girl in the car. i mean how stupid is he?! did he really think he could be famous and pick up some girl in a public space? unless he just wanted me to know. the picture that was on the tv showed him opening the door for the girl and smirking. obviously it's a girl he probably wants to fuck around with. unless he's been going behind my back this whole time. i pulled away from my pillow hoping my thoughts would stop racing. i heard a car pulling into the driveway and i ran to the window. i carefully peered out watching toms car, as i wiped my tears. i took a bunch of deep breaths before going back to the bed. i sat there starting to feel numb. it's like my emotions just paused.

but that only lasted so long before i felt enraged. i heard the door close and i bit the inside of my cheek. i heard tom footsteps getting closer before the door opened. tom closed it behind him and didn't even look at me. "where'd you go?" i asked. he ignored me at first and i took notice of his mumbling as he walked to his closet. "acting like i'm not here won't make me go away." i stated. he looked at me. "i went out." he answered. "where to?" i said trying to hold myself together. "to the club. wanted to clear my mind." he sighed. "yeah you really cleared your mind" i said with an attitude. "what's your problem?" he asked still clearly mad at me. "my problem..?" i smile at his stupid question. "i don't know tom, maybe because my boyfriend is mad because i'm best friends with his brother. oh and it gets even better! he starts acting like a pussy, then he leaves without explanation, oh and my personal FAVORITE. he fucked some bitch and it's all. over. the news." i said holding my smile.

tom looked at me. "it's on the news?" he panicked a bit. "i love how that's your biggest concern!" i raised my voice, smile disappearing real quick. tom looked to the side playing with his lip ring in irritation. "your the one who loves my brother more then me! so why the fuck should it matter who i fuck at this point?!" he screamed. i looked down. "go fuck whoever you want. cause i'm not gonna sit here and deal with your bullshit. i'm done." i said clearly pissed. i start gathering some stuff in a backpack and put my shoes on. i grab my phone and start walking out of the room. i was suddenly pulled back by my wrist. i looked at tom confused. "where are you going?" he asked, his whole demeanor changed to a more intimidating one.

i looked at him surprised by his sudden hostility. "leaving." i said simply trying to pull out of his grip. but he was stronger then me. his grip tightened and my wrist began to ache. "let go! your hurting me!" i said as i felt tears fill my eyes. within the blink of an eye i was on that bed... my ears were ringing as i stared off to the side. my wrists held tight, pinned against my back. everything was slow. "shhh it's ok..." i heard sams voice close to my ear. i swallowed feeling my body tense up in pure fear. "sam... please just stop..." i cried. tears falling out of my eyes as everything seemed fuzzy, but felt so real.

"SAM PLEASE STOP!" a scream ripped through my throat as my eyes opened and tom stared at me with wide eyes. i felt his grip on my wrist loosen. i felt like i couldn't breath, the air struggling to get into my lungs. i stood there crying uncontrollably and hyperventilating. i slowly held my own wrist as i realized i was not in that bed, sam was not touching me. just a guilty looking tom. the moment replayed in my head over and over. i spaced out. tears streaming down my face as my chest heaved up and down unevenly. "y/n... i'm sorry..." tom said snapping me out of the moment. i looked at him. i knew i was shaking. i could feel it. i shook my head. "i can't do this right now tom..." i spoke quickly as i tried to calm down. i took deep breaths as i headed down stairs, "y/n! please just stop!" tom called after me.

i didn't dare even look at him. i just walked. i felt so out of touch with reality. i walked out of the house. i walked for so long i didn't even realize when i had bumped into a girl. "hey you good?" i heard her speak. i looked up seeing two girls who seemed to be leaving a party. i nodded. "hey if your stressed, we know a guy with good prices." she smiled. i then took notice of the second girl. i am not in a good head space to make good decisions. i nod and follow them. before i knew it i was at this girls house, they bought some molly or something? i don't know. but i'm pretty sure.

i just felt so empty at this point. i might as well end it with a good time? i feel like everything has gone to shit and it will be better for everyone. these thoughts consume me most days and nights. it keeps me awake thinking about it. so fuck it. i'll do this molly or whatever with these girls who have been nothing but nice to me. one last moment of happiness. i watched the girls pop a pill in their mouth before the blonde one handed me one. i smiled and mumbled a thank you. she nodded sweetly as i quickly swallowed the pill. me and the girls talked and they told me more about themselves as time went on, as the conversation went on i started to feel crazy.

i smiled widely as everything around me felt more alive? my eyes went wide as my back hit the couch. "holy shit..." i laughed as the girls started jumping around. they seemed slow, almost like a filter or something. where am i right now?

(a/n: y/n... :((( this is not good.)