{𝙼𝚢 𝚂𝚞𝚗 - 𝙼𝙸𝙽𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙶}

18: Secrets And Scares

[Changbin]

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[Tiger💛🧡]

17:46

You: Hey tiger, can you come over today? I have something on my mind that I think we should talk about

You: Actually I've had it on my mind for a while, but I feel like it's the right time now

17:58

Tiger💛🧡: i can come over in an hour, but do i have to be nervous?

You: No, not really. I just need to tell you something, it's not that big of a deal I guess

Tiger💛🧡: oh, all right

Tiger💛🧡: i will see you in an hour then, and i'll try my best not to be nervous

You: Sounds good, see you <3

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Said hour had already passed, and I was pacing around restlessly in my apartment, ready to speed-dial Felix if things went wrong.

I'd already told him that I was going to talk to Yongtae today, and he said I could call or
come over if I needed any support or advice after, so I felt a little better because of him.

But it was still nerve-wracking as hell standing here and waiting for my boyfriend so I could tell him I didn't want to have sex probably ever.

In my case it wasn't like I couldn't, because I knew I could get hard and I knew I wasn't repulsed by it, I just didn't need it at all.

If it was a huge deal to Yongtae, then I could be willing to compromise by participating in sex from time to time, but it wouldn't be something I did for my own enjoyment and more like something I did because I wanted to give Yongtae pleasure and fulfill his needs.

Yet ideally, I would prefer if we didn't have sex at all.

I took a deep breath, feeling dizzy thinking about it all.

"You can do this." I mumbled, trying to stand up straight again as I needed that to feel confident.

After pacing circles around my couch, I walked over to the entrance, standing there awaitingly and staring down the door.

And when a few minutes had passed, finally, the sound of the doorbell rung through my ears.

I walked slowly towards the door to not make it seem like I had been waiting right by it, wrapping my fingers around the handle and tugging the door open.

A small smile formed on my lips, seeing Yongtae always made me happy no matter how nervous I was.

Although my nervousness had kind of made me want to.. eat.

It wasn't as bad as it could get, but I felt the urge creep up on me, to go eat away my emotions.

But I hoped keeping my mind busy with talking to Yongtae would distract me from the urge to binge.

"Hey." He said, taking a step inside and closing the door behind himself. "How.. are you?"

"I'm.. nervous."

"Me too.."

"At least we're in it together?" I smiled a little awkwardly, I felt like the atmosphere was so serious as we walked into my living area.