{𝙼𝚢 𝚂𝚞𝚗 - 𝙼𝙸𝙽𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙶}

90: Exploring Intimacy

[Jeongin]

I was fidgeting like crazy where I stood in the kitchen, the air in the room felt a bit heavy in anticipation of mine and Skye's big conversation.

We had felt like we should talk about this for a while now seeing as we were in a relationship, but it wasn't until now that we'd actually gotten around to it because of everything.

Only minutes had passed since she had arrived at my apartment, and it already felt a little awkward as neither of us knew how to start.

We'd chatted about a light topic while Skye took off her outerwear and followed me inside my apartment, and since I had been in the middle of cooking, I suggested she sit down on one of the bar stools.

So here we were, me in front of the stovetop and her on the bar stool.

What I was making didn't really need much attention from me, but I was so nervous to talk that I just stood and stared into the pot even if I could walk away and over to Skye at this point.

For some reason, my body wouldn't move away from the stovetop, my back turned to her.

"Jeongin-ah.." I heard her call out for me, she also seemed hesitant, voice soft.

I heard a noise behind me, and then footsteps.

"I know this isn't an easy topic for us, but.. we shouldn't leave it alone for much longer. I want to know how you feel, and I think you want to know how I feel too."

Skye was beside me now.

She seemed hesitant to touch me, maybe she was worried she might startle me or make me uncomfortable, but the truth was, I craved her touch.

I wished she would just wrap her arms around me and hold me close, but at the same time I felt like I might cry.

"Is it okay if I hug you, Innie?"

"Y-Yeah." I nodded my head for good measure, letting go of the ladle as Skye took me into her arms.

Closing my eyes, I relaxed against her, but it was so hard to keep the tears back.

I wanted to tell her everything, wanted to say that I loved her, but it felt impossible right now.

Skye seemed to sense that I was having an hard time with this, letting me snuggle further into her embrace. "I understand if you're overwhelmed, baby. Most couples don't have to have conversations like this. Most straight guys don't have to think about having a partner with the same parts as them. And.. I promise that no matter how you feel about sex or about my body, I still want to be with you if you want to be with me. I'm fully aware that genitalia preference exists, and even if you don't want what I have down there, it's gonna be okay. We can figure it out either way. Can you.. just.. please share your feelings, so I know?"

She sounded a little bit distressed as she said the last sentence, and I could imagine that she had probably sat and thought through every single possible way this conversation could go just so she was prepared.

Skye didn't usually overthink things a lot, but I noticed she tended to do that when it came to dysphoria or other things related to her being trans.

I took a deep breath, letting one single tear escape me, blinking away the others.

How could I express to her how I felt without sputtering nonsense?

"Noona, I.. I don't know exactly what— what to say." I admitted.

It was an okay first step.

"I've been confused and stressed about s-so many things in the past few months, but.. the only thing I've been sure about ever since you came out is.. well, you. I knew I wanted to be with you even before that, b-but I didn't think I was gay, it just.. didn't make sense until that day. And now, I.. I have to admit, I feel a little confused again. Not— Not about you and my feelings for you, just about.."