I'll be the Bad Guy

Chapter 41: A Familiar Soul

Lexa's POV-

I collapse onto my bed, unable to restrain myself from much needed sleep. I cling to the lush furs for only moments before I fade away.

(In the flame)

The air is cold and dry, and as I take deep breaths, I watch my exhale in the icy wind. My heart and feet are heavy as I feel the weight of my combat boots on the damp soil. My armor is warm and stiff, sitting on my exhausted body.

It's dark around me and there is a sea of stars illuminating the land on which I stand.

Blood coats my face and weapons, but it's not my own. It's red.

I look around me and see a mass of soldiers, awaiting my command. They are hungry for revenge, and some are already wearing the blood of their victims.

I blink and reopen my eyes to see Clarke standing in front of me. Mount Weather towers just behind her and a looming feeling of guilt lingers between us.

I cannot hear anything, but I watch her face. Her eyes turn from interest to realization as reality sets in. I had made a deal. I hold my gaze as her demeanor begins to crumble, turning into rage and fear.

The last thing I see is a hatred in Clarke's eyes as she looks at me as if I was a monster- an enemy.

I fight my memories, wanting to reach out and take my actions back. But I cannot. Instead, I am forced to watch my vision turn away from Clarke and march in the opposite direction, leaving her alone.

My heart beats rapidly in my chest as I fight the regretful feeling inside me grow.

All the sudden, my vision turns to black and I'm alone again. My clothes are clean, and my heart feels numb to the flood of emotions I had just experienced.

"Lexa." A voice reaches out.

I cannot tell whose it is, but it must be one of the past Commanders. It was rare they would visit me- often I would be shown one of my own or their memories as advice or warning, but this was different. They were speaking to me.

"Hello?" I call out into the void blackness of my mind space inside the flame.

"Weakness...." The voice echoes.

A poison floods my blood as my anger rises in my throat.

"Show yourself!!!" I demand to the emptiness. I hear my voice ricochet throughout the dark abyss.

Suddenly a sharp wind blows, knocking me to the ground. As I hit the dark floor, a vision flashes, brighter than the sun.

It's Clarke. She stands only inches from me with a look of terrible burden on her features. I feel as though I've failed her. I feel weak and helpless, but I don't take any action to change it. I am succumbing to Clarke's pain and needs as I let myself fall vulnerable to the girl.

I feel the sharpness and coolness of a blade pressed against my throat, but I feel no desire to live. Instead, an overarching guilt and sadness washes over me, overpowering the strongest survival instincts.

"I'm sorry." Is all I manage to say to her.

Before I can relieve my pain or resolve the scene, the sharp wind overtakes me again, pulling me back to reality.

Again, I'm alone in the void, blackness.

"WEAKNESS!!!" A Commander's voice screams to me. The sound comes from every direction, pulling at not only my heart, but my mind.