I'll be the Bad Guy

Chapter 60: Befriend the Flames

Clarke's POV Continued-

Lexa gently cups my chin in her soft hand while she brushes her lips on mine. I can feel her eyelashes fluttering against my cheek and I feel the delicacy of her warm breath exhaling on my chin.

Most of all, I feel the radiance of her smile like a beacon of light in the darkness.

We hold each other for a few more minutes before she finally roles back over with our fingers still intertwined.

The sky is dark but twinkling with stars. It's nothing compared to what I saw from space, but it was beautiful in its own way. From earth, outer space felt like some far away, distant, unknown land. It piqued my curiosity and bound my eyes to its glistening stars like magnets. I never stared at the stars when I lived amongst them. But now they were a dazzling anomaly.

Just then, I hear the faintest sniffle and I sense tears.

"Lexa?" I wonder.

A single tear falls down Lexa's face and onto her neck as her watery eyes absently stare towards the sky. Her lower lip trembles and her chest rises and falls fast.

"I'm sorry." She murmurs, wiping her eyes. I have never seen Lexa cry, and honestly, I wasn't sure if she ever had.

"What's wrong?" I console, laying on my side to face her.

"It's nothing." She says with a bit more certainty, but I can tell something is bothering her.

"Tell me." I demand, but with a kind tone.

She sniffles again and closes her eyes as if to repress a thought or memory.

"I haven't felt like this in years." She whispers so faintly I can hardly hear.

"It's a beautiful feeling, isn't it?" I smile, gazing at the beautiful woman beside me.

She turns to look at me now too.

"It's scary. I have something to lose now." She admits. And she's telling the truth. Her eyes have changed. They hold fear and trauma- something I had never seen her express.

"That's what makes love so precious." I whisper.

"I don't want to lose you like I lost Costia. I'd rather die than let you be killed for me." She breaks down, tears streaming freely down her face again.

"Neither of us are going to die. You hear me?"

She continues to sob, clearly not listening.

I reach out and take her hand. I hold it against my chest so she can feel my heartbeat. She rests it there for almost 30 seconds as her breathing slows down and her tears subside.

"I'm sorry." She admits, embarrassed.

"Don't be. I feel the same way, I guess I'm just used to it lately." I say solemnly, looking away.

I feel her curious and sympathetic stare on my profile.

"My dad, my best friend Wells, Finn." I state.

"The others to the mountain... grounder attacks." I trail off.

"I wish I could take all of your pain away. I wish I didn't kill Wells, or Finn. Or the others." She speaks. Her voice breaks and I know she means this with the deepest sincerity.

I see cracks in her eyes that reach the deepest part of her soul.

"When I first met you and Wells, I knew he was brave. I admired him, even though I killed him. You were right. He probably didn't deserve what I did." Her voice hardens with pain.