Hearts Desire (Harry Styles)

Chapter 9 - Uncle Bill's Pancakes

"Why do you feel that way?"

Talking about the events that have happened within my last few years was never on the top of my 'must do' list, it was hard enough when I had to open up to my therapist, but wouldn't talking about everything openly indicate some sort of growth? Would it send me spiraling again?

"Relationships and feelings just don't work out in my favor..." I was hoping that my eyes said more than the words that were coming out of my mouth did. Pleading for her to just understand that there was so much she didn't know. "Moving here was meant to be about working on myself, starting over...not crushing on some super mega famous musician, which I'm sure would inevitably end badly. After the things that I've gone through, I don't even know if love truly exists for me anymore."

I couldn't quite read Sarah's expression before my eyes drifted to my feet. "Mia, look I don't know your past and don't want you to share that until you're ready-" Her words felt like a comforting hug. "But I do know that I see how proud Mitch and your brother are of you every single day...whatever you went through, whatever you're working through right now you don't have to do it alone, because you're not alone. You have all of us, I promise you that." Her arms pulling me into a hug threw me off guard as I still clutched my clothes to my chest. The universe knew I needed someone like Sarah Jones in my life and I was ever so grateful for it.

"Thank you..." I muttered softly as she pulled away. "You don't know how much it means for me to hear that.." Telling her everything would be a lot, mentally taxing actually, but something inside of me wanted to share everything with her, and I knew deep down that I eventually would.

"Don't thank me-" She grabbed onto my shoulders, pulling my attention to her face as she shook her head. "Listen, don't stop something pure and natural from happening because of things that happened in your past, I know it's easier said than done, but trust me on this. Like I said before, things like this happen when we least expect them to happen. Do you think I expected to fall for Mitch like I have? But now that I'm with him I see how crucial he is to have in my life and I'm so happy. Just make sure that you're allowing yourself to experience that happiness, okay? Not saying that Harry is the one, but you won't know what's meant to happen unless you open your heart up to the possibility that it could be something."

My hands drug down my face as I let out a sigh, "This scares me, Sarah. What I've started feeling, it terrifies me." I could feel everything boiling inside of me threatening to escape. "I've never been truly happy and at peace with anyone." I admitted, "I'm just now getting to know Harry, but somehow when I'm around him we just laugh and smile until our cheeks hurt...it's easy and-it's never been like that with anyone, especially not the last guy." The thought of him alone sent a feeling of queasiness through my stomach.  

"You deserve to feel true happiness like that, I understand it can feel overwhelming and scary...especially if it's different than what you've become accustomed to..." She smiled softly, "But the change feels good, doesn't it?"

All I could do was nod, I honestly couldn't describe how good it felt, the thought of genuine happiness had seemed so far-fetched, but now it's like I could literally touch it in the form of Harry himself. This didn't mean that my walls were down by any means, I was well aware that this feeling could be temporary, but that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy it while it lasted, right?

Sarah dismissed herself, but not before giving me one last hug with a reminder that anything said between us stayed between us. When people said that I usually took it with a grain of salt, but with her I actually believed it.

Realizing I had already taken far too much time, I had to go the route of a speed shower which meant dry shampoo was going to be my best friend for the day. After struggling pulling my black biker shorts and black tank on my still slightly damp body, I managed to put my hair into a high ponytail with minimal sweating. Makeup was quick and easy with blush and mascara, finally being able to escape the bathroom and pop my favorite jewelry on before pulling my light jean jacket over my shoulders. I did one last scan of my outfit, socks in hand since my sneakers were downstairs, approving of the look before making my way down.