I'm Just a Loser: A BigBang Fanfiction

Downtown

A/N: I found this quote on Instagram and it gave me some good ideas for this chapter. Anyways, enjoy!

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"I am so fucking sick of this Seunghyun!" I scream at him, slamming my cup of water on the counter, as the tears began to cover my cheeks.
"What?" He asks innocently as the club continues to proceed on, ignoring my emotional breakdown.
"You act like you can do whatever you want! You might have fans and be famous but let me bring you back to reality. You are 28 and you need to fucking grow up! Don't you go blame this on your depression because I've got it too and I'm not going around and beating the shit out of people!" I breathe heavily through my tears as Ha Neul separated her lips from JiYong's and stares at the scene I had just created.
"Great," I say sarcastically as a police officer walks in whipping his head around in search of the culprit which I knew was my stunned, half-drunk boyfriend.
"What?" He asks me as the officer spots him and approaches him,"can I help you?"
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step outside," he takes his arm and leads him out the doors as I sob at the counter alone, everyone timid to approach me.
All the guys slowly walk towards me as Daesung runs out to Seunghyun outside.
"We should probably go," Ji rubs the back of his neck and looks down at the floor.
I still cry as my body shakes from the outburst and what was happening.
"Here Bree," Ha lightly takes my hand smiling sympathetically.
"I-I," my fingers wrap around her palm and I give in. I was exhausted and lightly drunk. I couldn't take it anymore, so I wasn't going to.
"I'll take care of it with Daesung and Youngbae. Can you guys take SeungRi? He isn't exactly...okay right now," Ji looks outside as Daesung runs inside motioning to them to come outside to help him.
"Uh-," Ha looks over at Ri who is lightly brushing his lips against his arm while humming an out of tune version of Fantastic Baby,"are you sure we have to take him?"
"Please? I'll be back for him tomorrow morning," his puppy eyes completely win her over and soon I find all of us in a taxi on our way to Ha's house.
It was quiet at first until SeungRi looked over at me from my right side. I did not like being in the middle.
"Noona," he touches my face,"you have nice teeth."
"Jesus," I push his hand away,"you have got to build up some tolerance. Honestly, you didn't even drink that much."
"Sometimes JiYong calls me a white and black bear, I can't remember what it is called," his head flops to the other side of his shoulder.
"Panda," Ha sighs from the left side of the cab.
"No, that isn't it," he laughs,"it eats like the green bean things that grow really straight. Oh it's bambooooooooo." He sings the last letter for what seems like forever.
"Shut up!" I say sternly just waiting until we could all get back to her house so we could get him to bed and I could get just finally crash on the futon in the guest room.
"Noona!" He yells back at me.
I murmur curses underneath my breath and try to tune out his awkward singing and conversations he is having with himself.

•••

We finally get to her apartment complex, Ha and I have to haul Ri up the front steps to the elevator.
"Ha Neul, you are so pretty," his smile crooked and his eyes in his own drunken world,"oh I am so tired," he yawns.
"Thank god," I huff as she unlocks the door.
We stumble in with SeungRi hanging off of our shoulders.
"Here," we lightly put him on the couch and he slumps over shutting his eyes and almost immediately falling asleep against the red pillows.
"Ugh, he is like five," Ha sighs.
"Hey," I set a blanket over him and walk to the kitchen with Ha,"you and JiYong were getting along...very well," I pucker my lips and make kissing sounds.
"Stop it," she laughs.
"Aren't you like super mega pumped though?!" I laugh lightly pushing her arm.
"Yeah..." She bites her lip and stares off to her own little world.
"I'm going to bed," I glance at the clock behind her that read 2:46 AM.
"We can talk about everything tomorrow," she frowns and hugs me before I go to attempt to sleep.
I walk past the sleeping panda and fix the futon from a couch to a bed.

It's okay. Everything will be okay. The guys are taking care of it. Everything will be fine. It's okay. It's okay. It's...okay. It's...going...to...be...fine.

His face intrudes my memory along with the face of pain it wore just a few minutes ago when I screamed at him. Something was wrong with him. His mind wasn't right.
"Seunghyun," I whisper in to the dark air surrounding me as a tear rolls down my cheek and disappears in to the strands of fabric woven in to the blanket incasing me,"I know. I know that you aren't okay. Something is wrong. But I love you. And no matter what, I always will."
My adrenaline kicks in and I snatch my high heels off the ground and run barefoot outside of the dark apartment no longer sleepy.
"Bree!" Ha peeks out of the door of the apartment as I run down the hallway,"what the hell are you doing?!"
"I'm going to go fix this," I reply and turn the corner determined to find him and the guys.

•••

I catch a cab and ask to go back to the club.
When I arrive, only a few people remain and I sweep the surrounding streets trying to find him even though I know he isn't there. There was something comforting about calling his name out through the alleys and dark streets.
Eventually I got another cab and drive to the jail, immediately spotting Ji, Youngbae, and Daesung filling out paperwork through the window.
"Guys!" I run through the doors ignoring the painful bluish lighting that was blinding me.
"Bree," Youngbae hugs me tightly.
"What happened?" I ask frantically.
"I don't exactly know," Daesung laughs nervously.
"I usually understand this but it's late," JiYong rubs his face and I can see the faint lipstick prints on his cheeks and lips.
"We should go home," Daesung nods with Youngbae.
"Yeah," Ji begins to leave but they stop at the doors before they leave.
"You coming?" they ask me as if I am crazy, which I looked like very much. I could only imagine my face. Probably covered in melting makeup and tear stains caking the foundations on my cheeks.
"No," I choke out.
"Well you can't stay here all night." they say concerned.
"I can't leave," I sniffle, unable to stop crying.
"Why?" Youngbae steps forward from the door.
"I don't know why. I'm angry but I can't leave him here." I walk closer to them.
"Bree," Ji looks at me,"Hyung is not healthy right now. I think it's best if-"
"No," I shake my head trying not to have to painfully endure it all again,"no JiYong I can't."
"He could hurt you Bree." His voice is shaky.
"I love him," I sob.
"Can you at least wait until this is figured out and he stops going to fight?"
"I honestly don't know. All I understand is that he is not okay, and that guy he hurt isn't either and I can't take this," my eyes widen and my throat shuts.
"Bree, you have got to think about yourself for once," Youngbae holds my hand lightly.
"I want to help him."
"Maybe the way you can do that is by leaving him for a while. He needs time to heal." Daesung looks to the floor.
"And so do I," my eyelids flutter and my heart breaks in to a million pieces.

He needs to get better. Let go Bree. It is just time to let him go. You are slowly killing each other with every moment. I know this is your dream but some dreams just cannot be. It is time to let go.

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A little shorter than most of my other chapters but it was pretty exciting. Yeah? I hope so... Anyways, I will be posting the new chapter for Forget Me Not soon and so that will be up soon so be sure to check that out. Anyways it's late so I am heading to bed.

Xoxo
Livi