Enchanted

Chapter 21

Nicolette

"Nicole, are you okay?" Dad waved his hands in front of me which made me look away from the roasted chicken and mashed potatoes with peas on my plate.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Nicole, tell us what's going on. You know we can help you," Mum reached her hand over and grabbed mine.

"I'm just having a hard time at school," I spilt the partial truth behind my sullen look and loss of appetite.

"Is it because of Sabrina and Cedric?" Mum's voice was full of concern.

Their heads turned towards me and I knew there was no escaping so I nodded. I was never good at lying to my parents. They can read me like a book as if my face were covered with words.

For a while, no one spoke. It was the last day of work of the week and they should be destressing and having fun. Instead, I destroyed their Friday's happiness with my personal issue. I was ashamed and kept my head low, gazing at the mashed potatoes that slowly turned cold and hardened.

"Everything happens for a reason. If Madeleine did not leave us, we will still be living at Crest Hill." Dad broke the silence. "I miss that place," I persisted as I stabbed the chicken meat with my fork.

"Same for me and your mum. Do you remember what you told us that time? We moved here for a fresh beginning," dad continued. "But that sentence of yours is not complete. That doesn't mean the past is to be forgotten. We are who we are because of the past."

"That's right. Madeleine wouldn't want you to live a life full of hate and vengeance towards Cedric. Sabrina is an amazing friend and don't you want her to be happy?" Mum added.

"I do and that's why I tried to prevent the history from repeating itself. I don't want Sabrina to end up like Madeleine or even worst." My voice trembled.

"I understand you are concerned about Sabrina but you shouldn't think of Cedric as a threat." Dad furrowed his eyebrow, showing disappointment towards my statement. "Both of them are still young. Mistakes are inevitable but there will be room for improvement and chances as long as you are willing to admit them."

"Dad! Don't hide your truth feeling with these quotes and lectures of yours!" I set my knife and fork down on the round plate. "Tell me something real, not philosophically. What do you really think of Madeleine's death?"

"Nicole! How can you-" Mum stood up angrily but dad cut her off.

"You're right, Nicole. Confront with your own thoughts is the most important." Dad nodded at me and turned to make sure mum returns to her seat. "After that accident, I was furious with Cedric's recklessness. During the funeral, I could not even look at him. But then, I saw his parents on the ground, crying until there were no tears coming out from their eyes. I suddenly understood this accident will ruin Cedric's life as well and he was only 15 at that time. He will despise himself and maybe succumb to the dark side like drugs. His parents will be even more depressed as they watched their only son's life ruined because of a girl. Before we moved, I sent him a letter. I forgave him and I told him I always care about him as a son of mine and hope he does well in the future."

I admire my dad a lot. Others might say he is a people-pleaser or he is too soft or he simply does not like Madeleine but those are false. He loves everyone and he looks out for the people around him. He doesn't only consider the present but the years ahead. He sees the good in everything but also learns to accept the bad and doesn't judge them.

Madeleine lived a fruitful life. She lived without remorse and those around her should not feel that for her or themselves as well. Sabrina's was quite the opposite. She was lost in the lush dusky foreboding woods. She chased the shooting star in the night sky, her sole hope that will lead her to the love paradise.

Sometimes you got to lose one to save another.

"Nicole. I don't know how to say this properly without hurting you but you need to hear these words." Dad stopped, his eyes searching mine for consent. I blinked, not knowing how to reply.

"You were once a timid child. Mum and I were worried about you not having friends so we tend to encourage you to spend more time with Madeleine. She was quiet but lively and we want you to learn from her. But as you grew older, we noticed you went too far. You have no control over yourself and you imitated every action of hers, most of the time unwillingly. We asked you 'Why are you taking chemistry class' when your science was just above passing mark and you told us you want to make us proud. The truth is we are equally proud of you and Madeleine. We never expect you to be as smart as her because both of you are unique in your own way."

My eyes were burning with salty tears. My vision was blurry when I looked over to mum for confirmation and she nodded. Dad's speech did not hurt me but allowed me to emerge from the cocoon I have been hiding for so long. I always thought they didn't pay close enough attention to me to notice the changes. I bottled up the feelings, always cautious around them so I don't trip and reveal my shameful self.

"When she left us, we knew that you will have the hardest time. But you needed to go through that. As much as we love how the way you behave reminded us of Madeleine, we knew this wouldn't last long because you are not an actress. You will eventually go crazy and we didn't want to lose you too. Eventually, you moved on in a weird way that we couldn't quite figure out until now." Dad sighed. "I'm sorry, Nicolette for not warning you earlier. But we are glad that you come so far. You are not afraid to show your weakness and return to your old self. We miss you."

I may not be a butterfly as beautiful as Madeleine with delicate patterns of bright colours of scales. I may just be a moth with dull monochromatic colours and rove around in the night like a thief but I also have a pair of wings. I have the freedom that could take me to wherever I want as long as I am willing to lift my legs off the ground.

I smiled bittersweetly. Dad gave me a pat on the shoulder and mum cleaned up the dining table.

It was a night not filled with parties and champagne but with therapy that could solve all my problems. Even the wines in the cellar failed to do so.

I lay in bed with my eyes shut but my mind wide awake. If I can't do this for myself, then at least I have to do it for my parents, Cedric, and best friend.

10:23 pm. I was contemplating whether or not to call Sabrina and apologise for my selfishness. Before I could mentally plan my apology, my hand was already scrolling the contact and pressed her name on the screen.

My call went straight to voicemail. Hi, Sabrina is currently away from her phone. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.

I ended the call. Leaving a voicemail is equivalent to leaving a written message and I don't think they are the best ways to ask for forgiveness.

Maybe she went to bed early. Or maybe her phone battery died. Or maybe she lost her phone.

Or maybe she was mad at me and didn't want to accept my call. This was the possibility I didn't want to admit to myself but it was the closest answer.