Loki Laufeyson Oneshots Vol.2

Tough Times

(Y/N)= your name
(E/C)= eye colour
(H/C)= hair colour
(F/C)= favourite colour
(S/C)= skin colour

Relationships typically open a golden door to new emotions: love, betrayal, compassion, heartbreak, infatuation, rage, compassion, and the list goes on. They also lead to new events in life, the opportunity to get married to the person who lights up the darkest room and feels like the missing piece to your puzzle is introduced. Potentially starting a family with said soulmate  can feel like filling an unknown void in your heart, you get to cherish the love and adoration created by both parts and protect that piece forever.

Yet I feel incredibly selfish every time I catch my mind creating a picturesque scene of my husband stood behind me, his tall frame hovering over my figure with his hands circling my waist as I held an infant in my arms with their small hand grasping onto my finger like a lifeline. I crave to begin a family with my betrothed, bare his child and raise a beautiful, innocent soul that will forever symbolise the love my husband and I reciprocate for each other. Sitting on the grass of the palace gardens as I watch my child run around freely, spreading pure glee as they try to catch a butterfly is a frequent scenario my mind often conjures.

Sometimes I'll venture down to the local village and hear adorable babbles and giggles of infants and small toddlers, those pure, innocent sounds of joy never fail to melt my heart and increase my desire to raise a child of my own. Alas, I only entertain my own delusions, I knew way before I married the youngest prince of Asgard that having a child was almost certainly out of the picture. Yet my love for him won over my want to have a child of my own.

Loki's true Jotun heritage never bothered me, I have to remind him numerous times that I'll love him for eternity - blue or not, it doesn't matter to me. Personally, I find his Jotun form absolutely mesmerising, I always feel as though I'm gazing into the eyes of a unique denomination of beauty whenever those ruby eyes meet mine. Tracing the lighter blue lines that adorned his body is a habit of mine that I'll never give up, feeling his cold skin brushing against me always put the war in my mind at peace and sent a wave of comfort washing over my body. I also considered Loki to be my own personal ice cube when the summer heat in Asgard rose and all I wanted to do was relax with my walking and talking ice pack.

However, Loki's views on his true heritage differed far from mine, he thought himself to be the monster mothers describe to their children to make them behave. He saw himself as pure evil, someone undeserving of love and a threat to everyone around him. Combining his self-deprecation with the one-sided love he received during his upbringing and biased actions inflicted by Odin inevitably led to Loki avoiding the topic of having children, he dismissed any conversation that revolved around having a child; it shattered my heart each and every time.

I'm aware that it is not his fault for being extremely hesitant about potentially becoming a father, I have known Loki long enough to know that he thinks he won't be able to provide for the baby and he won't be able to live up to be a good father. He's afraid of adopting Odin's cruel habits that he had to endure whilst growing up. Though in my soul, I know that Loki could never amount to being as unjust as Odin, I know that he has a pure heart of light underneath his dark exterior because I have witnessed it a million times myself.

But the logical thoughts in my head still refuse to ease my current worries and increasing anxiety as I sit on the edge of Loki and I's bed in our shared chamber, dwelling on every possible 'what if' and 'but' that plagued my mind. The golden rays of the sun cast over the room, illuminating the gold accents and giving every object and piece of decor life. The serenity of my surroundings starkly contrasted with the thoughts going haywire in my mind.

I'm pregnant, three weeks to be exact. I should be elated, ecstatic, overwhelmed with joy and exhilaration, but not in this circumstance, not when Loki has made it crystal clear on many occasions that he detests the idea of having a child. My options are extremely slim and so are the outcomes, a heinous, lingering voice in my head told me that this is the end of the road, this is going to be the downfall of our marriage and I cannot help but sway to believe it.