" 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 ☆ " // tsukasa tenma angst

ch.7 "irrational fears"

The school day felt longer than normal for Tsukasa, but he wished it lasted longer. He wished for an agonizingly long day so he wouldn't have to tell Rui anything about what happened. He wished that Rui would forget about how Tsukasa told him he would explain after school. He wished nothing ever happened on that Monday.

Tsukasa, unlike his usual self, was unable to focus at all in class. Everything was a jumbled mess now and nothing made sense anymore. As hard as he tried, he couldn't focus on one thing at a time. It was frustrating, this feeling. He didn't know how to handle it, aside from pretending he was doing fine.

Once the bell signifying the end of the day rang out, the blonde haired boy's heart started racing. Why was it racing? He shouldn't be scared... Why was he scared?

He walked out of his classroom, trying his best to ignore the thoughts screaming at him to figure out what fear he had of telling Rui about what had even happened.

Then, he remembered all of his fears at once.

Rui would hear how Tsukasa had overworked himself in the first place, which wouldn't have happened if he had just taken a break. Telling Rui about how he had always gotten little to no sleep would cause him to worry about Tsukasa's health, and they would have to stop the whole show because of him. Everything would be ruined because of the truth.

The future star thought of a plan as he walked down towards the exit of the school. He would quickly get to the Wonderstage, change into his outfit, practice his lines as much as he could, and as they would do one last rehearsal, Rui wouldn't have time to ask.

His pace getting faster and faster, he changed his shoes as fast as he could and started running to Phoenix Wonderland, the feeling of relief washing over him like a tidal wave as he found Rui was no where near him.

Even if he were far from Kamiyama, he still ran, afraid Rui would catch up to him if he didn't.

After changing, Tsukasa had made his way up to the Wonderstage, warming himself up for the show, and that's when he saw him.

Rui.

With his heart racing, he made sure to look away from Rui, declining any sort of awkward eye contact. He didn't think Rui would show up as early as Tsukasa did...

"Hello, Tsukasa. I thought you might be here." The purple haired mechanic smiled as he waved, sitting down on the stage.

"Hi!" Tsukasa greeted with the biggest smile he could muster up at that moment without it looking too forced. He had purposefully ignored what Rui said after his greeting.

And after a few seconds of wanted silence from Tsukasa, Rui spoke a few words the other boy never wanted to hear at that moment.

"You said you would tell me about what happened on Monday this morning, would you mind telling me?"

The blonde haired boy felt his heart drop. He did his best to keep composed when the question was asked, but he could feel his heart practically beating out of his chest. This feeling never usually happened. Stress wasn't something he usually felt, but for some reason, this time was different.

The fear of the troupe having to cancel the show because Tsukasa was tired, the fear of not being able to remember his lines, the fear of being seen as an incompetent actor, the fear of being thought of as unworthy of being a star, and the fear that he would be the one at fault for disappointment on a cancelled show overwhelmed him.

"Hey, Tsukasa? What are you thinking of?" The curious boy asked, snapping Tsukasa out of his thoughts of his fears.

Just tell him.
Rui won't judge.
He's your friend.
Rui knows you can do it.
The show is important.
He won't cancel the show.
He believes in you.
The troupe believes in you.
There's no reason to be afraid.
It's all irrational.
There is no need to worry.

"...On Monday, I was just really out of it because I thought I would be able to find out at least one similarity between me and Torpe, but I couldn't, even when I stayed up so late thinking about it." He paused for a moment, thinking of the right words to say so Rui wouldn't feel the need to call quits with the show.

"I felt a bit ill, so I went to the washroom, and then I saw this guy, I thought he was you, and then I passed out." The anxious boy explained, hoping for Rui to take it as something minor.

To Tsukasa's demise, he didn't.

"Tsukasa, that's not a good thing. You may have passed out from exhaustion, and I don't want you overworking yourself for this show. I don't think anyone in the troupe wants that, Tsukasa." Rui explained, and Tsukasa immediately knew.

The show was cancelled. All because of him.

"So... What does that mean?" The future star asked, wanting a straight answer instead of assuming.

"It means we're going to cancel today's show. We're going to wait for you to get some rest and get back to your normal, genuinely cheery mood." Tsukasa's face scrunched up into a messed up smile.

Tsukasa's worst fears were true. Everything he had told himself was a lie, and now his troupe's weeks of hard work to this show was a complete waste because of one annoying guy.

With shaky legs, Tsukasa stood up, doing his best to pretend he was fine with the show being cancelled, but it only added to how much worse his day could've gone.

"...Yeah, thanks Rui. I'll probably rest now, but could you tell Nene and Emu about the show? Thanks." He said while he was packing up everything he had brought to the Wonderstage and was already walking off.

He never waited for Rui to answer his question, he was more focused on leaving their conversation than getting an answer.

As he quickly walked home, it felt agonizing to keep going the opposite way of Phoenix Wonderland. Thoughts ran through his head, wondering what would've happened if Rui never asked anything, or if Tsukasa never told him anything.

Everything he had thought was wrong. The show was cancelled, and there was a reason to be afraid to tell the truth.

He had failed the whole show.

- - -

Word Count: 1129

Reminders: everyone in the story is a minor don't be a weirdo and make weird questionable things about them xx

Extra Notes: hey..... sorry for not updating in months..... erm.. anyways thanks for hyping me up for the past few months :)