" 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 ☆ " // tsukasa tenma angst

ch.11 " stubborn "

Tsukasa couldn't fake being sick to get out of school. He never could. The feeling of letting people down and being untrue to himself always made him ashamed of himself.

Today was another one of those days. He wanted to escape from school, avoid the troupe, not talk to anyone, and disappear. He couldn't get himself to fake being sick, so he forced himself to do his daily routine.

It felt like a hassle to do anything anymore, and he wasn't sure why.

Could it be because he lashed out at the troupe?
Was it sadness?
Was it regret?
Was it tiredness?
Was it the tiredness from him not sleeping tonight, or was it the same agonizing tiredness that never left Tsukasa because of how much he overworks himself for other people?

He can't remember the last time he took a break for himself, but with the way he got angry at the troupe, he wasn't sure if he deserved to have a break.
He can't remember the last time he got that angry and yelled at people in anger, but he doesn't know why his feelings exploded now and especially at the troupe who only wanted to help.
He can't remember the last time he made someone cry, but that was an obvious indicator that this was Tsukasa's fault.
He can't remember the last time he messed up this badly at a show that they had to postpone it.

He can't remember the last time he felt this terrible.

This would've never happened if Tsukasa had only lived up to the expectations he was given. If he had only not impulsively shouted at the troupe, maybe he wouldn't feel this shitty.

A star would never get angry at their troupe. A star would never shout or yell when they're angry. A star would hold it in and be kind about it. A star never gets stressed out and a star tries their hardest. A star never panics too hard and can handle things perfectly.

Why couldn't Tsukasa?

Why couldn't a future star do the same as a normal star? Was it because Tsukasa wasn't made to be a star? Did he not deserve the title? Was Rui right the first time they tried to do a show? Yet again, it was Tsukasa's fault for splitting the group apart.

As he opened the front door, he thought the cold air would stop his spiralling. But as he opened the door, he remembered Rui's words.

"You will never become a star."

And those words never left his mind the entire walk to Kamiyama.

Rui sat down at his desk and stared at the table intently. He didn't bother to go and look for Tenma, since he didn't need their help. If he didn't need their help and would go out of his way to yell at Emu, then Rui wouldn't bother to talk.

This was a day where the purple haired one was finally glad he didn't have class with Tenma. If they were classmates, Rui would've hated every second of being in the same room as the person who made Emu cry.

First, it was Nene. Then, it was Emu.
Rui wondered if Tsukasa would ever change.

Nene waited on a bench outside of the school. Unlike Rui, she wanted to have a private chat with Tsukasa out of curiosity on why he had to yell at them.

She remembered the last time Tsukasa started shouting at the troupe, and that was the first show they ever did together when she was still so shy. He got mad at her, she left, and Tsukasa had to mend the cracks.

As she looked up from the ground, the green haired spotted Tsukasa with his head forced up and a smile forcefully plastered on his face. He looked like he wanted to disappear in that very moment.

"Tsukasa." The shy one called out, catching the boy's attention.

Instead of the expected reaction of approaching, Tsukasa turned his head forward and walked faster towards the school.

This wasn't Tsukasa's normal behaviour. Even if they got into a fight, Tsukasa would have gone up to Nene and at least try and heal the wound, but now he's rushing away from one of his only ways to fix the problem.

"Tsukasa!" She called out again, and had other heads turn at her that she didn't want. She only wanted to talk to Tsukasa, but the stubborn boy kept ignoring him.

So she ran after him. They needed to talk about this, but he wouldn't listen.

Once she caught up, she grabbed the blonde haired boy by the arm, causing him to look back at the person who grabbed him.

Nene saw Tsukasa's red-rimmed eyes, and it made her realize he was recently crying. It felt like a spear piercing her heart to realize he felt horrible about his actions.

She couldn't force herself to be mad at Tsukasa, she had a feeling on why he was acting so out-of-character.

"Tsukasa, we need to talk." The shy girl demanded, taking the showman back outside the school where nobody would be able to listen in on them without the talking ones realizing.

Outside, in a more isolated area of the outdoor courtyard, Nene sighed and tried to speak up about what she wanted to say.

"Tsukasa, why did you-" she was quickly cut off.
"Nene, please, stop. I don't want to say anything that might hurt you again." Tsukasa's voice was shaky, his eyes were glossy, and he was a word away from breaking down into tears.

After a shaky breath, he continued his sentence. "Please, can we talk later in the week? I need to gather all my thoughts and figure myself out right now."
"I think I know why-"
"Stop. I'm not going to talk to you right now. I said things I hated when you all tried talking to me, and I don't want to make you sad as well."

And with that, Tsukasa wiped his eyes, turned around, and quickly walked back into the school, leaving Nene alone.

She knew why he was acting so strange. It was because he was tired and burnt out, and it was obvious to her that Tsukasa didn't know how to give himself a break.

— — —

Words: 1091

Reminders: everyone mentioned in this chapter is a MINORRRR!! don't go making weird stuff about them.

Extra Notes: how we feeling about this chapter? we have a pissed off rui, a sympathetic nene, and a sad, sad emu