" 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 ☆ " // tsukasa tenma angst

ch.13 " confrontation "

Tsukasa had to push through the next few days. He wouldn't go embarrassing himself again by passing out in the bathroom and letting people see him sprawled on the floor dirtied and disgusting again.

He's supposed to be perfect like any other star. How is he meant to make people smile after any of this?
How is he meant to make his sister smile after any of this?

To mend the aching in his heart, he had finally agreed to meet up with Nene to talk.
Today, he has to.

But for some reason, he just can't get out of bed.

Every drop of energy felt as if it were drained from him and felt like it was being replaced by that same ache that bothered him ever since he made Emu cry.

Tsukasa shuffled and rolled to his side, pulling the blankets further up to cover his shoulders.

He didn't understand why he felt like this. The last time he couldn't get out of bed was because he was so terribly sick he couldn't get out the front door, but he didn't feel like he was that ill.

Instead of trying to remedy the feeling of a flame being blown out in his heart, he closed his eyes and buried himself further into his mattress as if it would re-light the flame and he would feel whole again.

Nene waited in front of the school. She got there especially early to catch Tsukasa but found nothing.

She had texted him an absurd amount of timex uncaring if she looked desperate. This was something serious that Tsukasa was yet again, repressing and trying to ignore like every single other problem.

With a sigh, she waited.

Rui had been watching his friend from afar. He noticed her repetitive behaviour of checking her phone, perking up when seeing a blond haired person, and being dejected when it wasn't a familiar face.

Maybe he would forgive Tsukasa. He was a little bit more open to forgiving him after Nene told him to, but until he fixed what he broke, he would wait to fully forgive him.

Of course he felt terrible about what had happened to Tsukasa in the past few weeks, but for Tsukasa to suddenly lash out was out of character. Rui was worried for the full reason behind his outburst.

It could be that Tsukasa wants nothing to do with them anymore.
It could be something else way more sensible.

Rui can't stop being paranoid.

Tsukasa's phone buzzed multiple times. After the 7th call, he picked up the phone, not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Tsukasa? Where are you? You didn't forget we were meeting up, did you?" Nene's voice called out from his phone.

"No, no. I'm just not feeling well today."

"Be honest here, you haven't felt well ever since the show was cancelled."

A silence overtook the two, only cut by the sound of students from Nene's side.

"I swear, I'm not trying to avoid you, even though it looks like it..." He was attempting to change the subject, but it didn't get past the girl.

"Tsukasa. We're talking about this now." The blonde boy really didn't want to, but he had to. He doesn't want worse to occur to the troupe...

After a small second, he spoke up again. "Alright, ask away."

"Why did you yell at Emu?"

There was silence for a moment before being cut off by a sharp breath.

"...I don't know."

He was being totally honest here. He couldn't manage to wrap his thoughts around why he had gotten so mad at Emu when all she was doing was attempting to help him.

He had exploded and gotten mad at her when she didn't deserve it. He couldn't fathom the fact that he hadn't learned from his past mistake of getting angry at Nene..

Nene's voice burst through his thoughts. "Do you think it's because you're burnt out?"

Burnt out.

He'd heard of burnout before from everyone he's known, but burnout can't happen to him! Not to a star who hasn't worked hard enough to be burnt out!

"I'm not burnt out." He simply responded.

"But you are. There's so much proof behind it, so I don't know why you're ignoring it."

What "proof" did she have? He was perfectly fine.

Sure, he had passed out from exhaustion in the Sekai when practicing his lines, but that wasn't burnout, it couldn't be!
He hadn't worked hard enough for it to really be burnout.

He pinched his arm to remind himself that he needs to calm down and not yell again.
He couldn't handle a breakup from the group because of him.

"I'm seriously not. I'm fine, and you don't need to worry about me of all people. Emu's the one hurting here."

"You're doing it again." She suddenly said, leaving Tsukasa stunned to think for a moment.

"Doing what?"
"Putting others well-being over your own."

Saki did say he had a habit of doing that and how she hated how little regard he held for his own mentality.

"But what does that have to do with anything?" Tsukasa asked and she was surprisingly quick to give an answer back as if she expected this to come up.

"It's because you never admit to being tired, you overwork yourself constantly, and you keep convincing yourself that you have to be perfect."

He couldn't refute any of those. He knew he couldn't. All of it was true and Nene would do anything in her power to convince him so.

"Because you never admit to this, I noticed you keep bottling up everything. The reason you yelled at Emu was because it was too much for you."

He hated how he had to be told this by someone else. He was too easy to read when this vulnerable.

"...I see." Was all he could mutter out.

A faint ring was audible from Nene's side.

"It's time for classes so I have to go." Nene said and Tsukasa replying with a small, "okay".

The call ended, and Tsukasa kept on his bed thinking about how much of a failure he was.

He's burnt out over nothing. Nothing!

He never worked hard enough to be worthy of a break.

He was stupid for not being able to find one similarity— not one! If he couldn't find a similarity, then it was because he wasn't working hard enough.

A star was meant to be perfect. Mistakes like burnout proved that Tsukasa was getting further from his goal of being a star.

At this rate, he would lose everything he worked for.

He hated the feeling of helplessness.
He hated the feeling as if his motivation was being drained from his body.
He hated the feeling as if he were failing every single person he knew.

Tsukasa hated himself.

- - -

Words: 1226

Reminders: minors. it's quite weird if you create weird shit about them

Extra Notes:
in short? i've lost motivation for this story and mostly fallen out of the pjsk fandom.

NOT TO WORRY! i'm not quitting making this story, but it's an explanation to why all my updates are so inconsistent. characters are bound to become out of character because i've forgotten some of their lore, so apologies for that.

thanks for reading my story btw! lots of love from me!! 💗