" 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 ☆ " // tsukasa tenma angst

ch.8 "how disappointing."

Tsukasa, making his way to his front door, pulled out his keys, turned the lock, and pushed open the door. With heavy footsteps, he made his way inside, and shut the door behind him, being sure to lock it.

About to call out to his sister Saki to try and have a normal conversation to forget about the whole thing, he remembered she said she would take all of her friends to watch the show today. His show. The one he had been practicing and had just had cancelled a few minutes ago. That show.

Thinking about it for a few seconds, she was probably gathering her main friend group at that moment to watch the long awaited show.

And then a sudden realization came to the blonde haired boy, who stood alone and idle in front of his door, where he felt a mix of loneliness, regret, and sadness.

He was disappointing Saki.

Saki, someone who had supported him his whole life, someone who had believed in Tsukasa, someone who had always enjoyed his shows, someone who had shown actual interest and no form of hatred or ignorance to the actor, someone who had never grown tired of him was going to be let down.

She would be disappointed in him.

He couldn't help but imagine her face when she realized Tsukasa had worked too, and still was a letdown. He was so happy when he heard his sister would be inviting all of her friends to see his brother's accomplishments and something that he's worked hard for his whole life.

How disappointed would she be? Would Saki be fine with it, or would she be disappointed, and not invite her friends again to any show?

Thinking of this made the blonde haired male realize he should text Saki to not bring her friends to the show, as it was cancelled.

If she did bring her friends to a show that isn't happening anymore, it would be embarrassing for her. Tsukasa would embarrass his sister accidentally, and he doesn't want to make anyone more disappointed in him than they are now.

Swiftly taking his phone from his pocket, he unlocked it and sent his pigtailed sister a message telling her to not bring her friends to the show, as it was cancelled today, and would be rescheduled. At least, he hoped it would be rescheduled.

As soon as he saw the word "Delivered" pop up on the right side of his screen, he shut off his phone with a stressed sigh leaving his lips. He made his way up the stairs and to his room, immediately walking up to his bed and falling face first onto it. Rolling onto his side, he took a pillow and held the soft and fluffy thing tightly.

Tsukasa was glad nobody was home yet, as his sobs would've been heard by anyone if they were home due to his open room.

It's been a while since he had cried like this. But he didn't understand why he was crying. As he kept wiping his tears, more rushed down like an unstoppable avalanche, making him dig his scrunched up and tear streaked face into his shaky hands.

Why was he doing this? Crying and shaking... That's not what a future star does, right? A future star doesn't cry and shake over a slip up. But then again, how is someone supposed to become a future star if he causes a show to be cancelled? He was the most important role, and yet he failed it.

"How disappointing," he thought to himself, taking his hands away from his face and not bothering to wipe the tears from his eyes as it was all pointless to do so if they would just keep falling and falling uncontrollably.

Hugging the pillow tighter to his chest, he tried his best to fall asleep, as if it were some sort of way to relieve him from anything happening, or if it would make him forget anything that happened in this past week.

The past week.

Oh, how horrible it's been.

Getting his head shoved in a toilet, finally having the whispers from the people in the halls sink in, not being able to remember his lines, never being able to find a connection to his character, having people worry about him, fainting and being left behind in the Sekai, not being able to pay attention in class, being really out of it, and worst of all, failing the show and his sister.

Disappointment. The only word filled his head.

Disappointing. The only word that felt describing to his situation.

Disappoint. Something he had done in this week to many.

Tsukasa realized how horrible it was to feel the amount of guilt and regret after letting down his sister and his friends. It was all piling on him like a bag of bricks as he kept thinking about everyones reactions to this proclaimed "future star" being the reason the show was cancelled.

Now that he lay in bed, it felt impossible for him to get out. It was too comfy for him to step out and do anything else anymore, and he was too tired to move a muscle, so he stayed lying down, sinking himself deeper into the mattress and between the warm, cozy blanket he had draped over himself.

As he lay there, he wonder what it would've been like if he had just found out what he and the main character had in common. If he had just memorized his lines, got some sleep, or just never told Rui about what happened. If he had just lied to his friend, would the show had gone on? Would it go perfectly? He would never know.

All because he told a disappointing truth to Rui.

Closing his eyes and trying to forget the situation like he usually forgets anything special, he hummed the tune of the song he would've played in front of an audience. His fingers instinctively pushed down on the pillow that he held close to his chest as if they were the keys on the piano.

It finally felt relaxing to lay down on his bed, pretending to play the piano in front of the audience as they stay silent to hear the tunes Tsukasa was playing. Everyone intently staring as the star would continue playing the piece, being drawn in by his perfection in the notes and timing, and as soon as it would end, a great roar of applause would emerge from the audiences' hands.

Thinking of that, Tsukasa finally fell asleep, unaware of the messages he got on his phone.

- - -

Words: 1136

Reminders: MINORS. MINORS I SAY. ALSO DONT SHIP THE TENMAS THATS EW

Extra Notes: heyyy i was in the mood to write a chapter (its 1 in the morning and i skimmed over it just once so if it doesnt make sense im sorryy) possible second apology chapter for not updating in months?? sure???