cherish. - woosan

03

san

Going to school after partying the night prior was exhausting but he had no excuse to miss another day. He could still feel all the alcohol flow through his body, he had drank way too much..as usual.

His head was laying on the cold wooded desk in his classroom careless of whatever was happening around him. It was chaotic and he couldn't deal with it, he just wanted to go back home and stay in bed all day.

A pencil landed right on his head, which caused him to instantly get composed on his chair and see who it came from.

"who the fuck threw it." he said looking around the class to find the culprit.

"damn San, are you gonna kill me for throwing a pencil at you?" it was his friend Mingi, standing on the other side of the classroom.
"why don't you let me sleep in peace" San was visibly exhausted but his friend obviously didn't care about it. He just dropped his head back on the desk and ignored anything else coming from Mingi's mouth.

A sudden psh scared the hell out of the dark haired guy to which he raised his head again just to see his friend sitting in front of him.

"we need to talk" San already knew what it was about but he had no intention to hear any of it.
"it's none of your business.." the latter sighed "..i don't know why you keep insisting".

"we'll talk about it later" the taller said pushing the chair out of his way so he could walk away and leave his friend in his own thoughts.

There was no reason to talk about that. He had already made it clear he didn't want to fix anything between himself and the rest of the group. They didn't support him for all the choices he made, didn't stand on his side for the mistakes he made. What kind of friends were they? Aren't friends supposed to stay with you through every good and bad thing?

At least that's what San thought, but keep in mind he was the most selfish and idiotic person on this planet, his friends' words. He didn't care about making mistakes because he knew it didn't cause HIM any trouble. Making other people suffer was part of him, not that he always wanted it but even when he didn't intend to do anything, the outcome was always the same.

In this case he not only had hurt one of the people he had cared for most of his life, but since his friends weren't supporting the way he did they all ended up splitting.

So now, he was there all by himself, no one to possibly talk to about his problems.
He hated it, but also loved it in a way. He loved the feeling of loneliness, something that had been in him for quite a while now. He believed bad people deserved to be lonely, he also believed he was a bad person but with no intention to fix the 'badness' inside of him.

12:05 p.m.

He was now sitting alone in the cafeteria of his school, playing with the food in his plate having no intention of eating the so called food, it didn't look appetizing, more like someone had thrown up in his plate.

He started getting used to eat alone at school, his friends didn't want to talk to him until he realized the mistake he made.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice Yeosang walking up to him from the side.

"what the fuck do you want." San demanded dropping his chopsticks on the table.

"you have bad anger issues, you should fix them asap" the one standing said before pulling a chair to sit on in front of the other.

"shut the fuck up, i don't want you to sit at my table.." San clenched his fists and slammed them onto the cold surface "..i don't want gays around me".

"wow, at least you're calling me gay now" Yeosang smirked trying to annoy the other.

"i said, get the fuck out of here" he stood up rapidly drawing the attention of the other students sitting at different tables.

"i'm not moving until you calm down" Yeosang was calmer than other people looking at the whole scene from afar, he was used to the guy being that way.

But he didn't notice San was getting ready to throw hands at him.
There it started. Yeosang fell onto the floor after the taller punched him as hard as he could. He was well known for being an aggressive type of person but that didn't stop him.

He had told himself he wouldn't get near any of those disgusting people, to the world known as gays.

He only felt hate towards them, he couldn't breath the same air as them, there was no reason for them to share the same planet as 'normal' people.

He was now on top of Yeosang, punching him as if it was a punching bag. All the students stood around them assisting the moment, but everyone was too scared to be the next to face San.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" A voice came from behind the mass of people, making way to get through all the chaos.

Wooyoung pushed San out of the way, so that he could stop punching his now bruised friend.

"you're a fucking monster!" he kept shouting at San, he didn't care if he would be the next victim of all hits, he couldn't do it anymore. He was tired of having to witness all this.

"what did he even do to you?!" the smaller was now facing San, who couldn't get a sound to come out of his mouth. He didn't feel sorry for what he did, he was just unable to speak in front of Wooyoung, so he simply ran away.

Outside of school, there were many students staring at him from afar but none of that mattered, he just wanted to go home and hide under his cover. So he did, he got the first bike he saw in the parking lot and escaped from that place.

Facing Wooyoung was the last thing he wanted to happen today, he was not feeling okay and seeing the other's face made it worse. He always tried avoiding him around school, and succeeded most of the times, but the few times he saw his face he felt sorry for the way he acted towards him. He couldn't change his own mind into liking something he had always been taught was extremely wrong.

After the big argument he had with him, he often regretted it but never showed it, he wanted to seem cool in front of people. Make people think 'he's cool because he hates gay people', which he still didn't understand was wrong and no one thought that about him, they just felt sorry.

How do two men kiss each other and feel happy about it. How are they not embarrassed of loving the same sex.

Those were things he never understood. He always had that mentality, but never had the necessity of sharing it until Wooyoung came out to him. He knew he was the smaller's safe place yet he couldn't understand his friend's being. So as soon as he had heard those words coming of Wooyoung's mouth he decided it was time to end their friendship because he didn't want those kind of people around him, even if it meant to end a friendship that had been going on for many years.

He thought it would have been better for both of them. San didn't have to be seen around with a gay dude. Wooyoung didn't have to suffer because he wasn't accepted by his friend. Little did San know that Wooyoung had been living hell ever since everything ended.

San was also struggling a lot. Not being able to hug or talk to his friend was hard but he had to endure it. He had two sides that coexisted in him: one kept telling him to try and accept his friend for the way he was, the other was the opposite, there was no way San could go near him again, he didn't want to be infected by that weird disease so all he could do was watch his friend from afar hoping he wouldn't notice it one day.