cherish. - woosan

07

san

San has been spending the week skipping classes and just hiding in the sports field behind the school. Sometimes he'd just sit there and look at the girls' activities in the field, other times he'd listen to music with his eyes closed trying to run away from that evil reality he was living in.

Fact was, he could appear cold and careless outside but he was just a little kid asking for help to whoever could get it. Now that he had stopped talking to his friends, he had absolutely no one to rely on and that made it hard for him to even get the forces to get up in the morning.

A simple "hi" came from behind startling him, he turned around just to have the sight of a quite small girl smiling at him.

"hello?"

"i've been seeing you here for a while now.." she walked closer and made room for her to sit next to him "..and I got curious about knowing you".

"oh. I just sit here, is it a problem?" He questioned kinda hesitant on the nearness of the girl.

"no, I just said I wanna know you dummy" She chuckled.

"oh, how come?"

"i don't know, you just seem interesting??"

"that's not a valid reason" He found himself funny saying that.
"shut up and appreciate the fact that someone came up to you, you kinda look like a loner" She hit his shoulder catching his full attention.

He had, in fact, became a loner ever since he had stopped talking to his friends. He'd only come to school to be there, if you know what I mean. He would just stay by himself the whole day and then go home and lock himself in that tiny room of his.

All the signs that his mother had tried to show him and his father for years made sense now, all the times she tried to ask for help silently were now clear into the boy's mind, so much that he found himself being in the exact same position has his mother before she passed out.

Before this period of time he could call 'the loneliest', he thought, no, he actually believed, people who took their own lives were cowards, individuals who didn't want or just couldn't go on with their lives because it seemed way too hard for them, people who would rather escape from their problems instead of facing them. He was now one of them. Ever since he had lost all his friends he fell into a deep state of depression, but he couldn't realize it yet, it seemed totally normal in his eyes: 'it's just a bad phase of my life, i will get through it.' he would say.

"are you there?" the still unknown girl shook him gently as she noticed he had zoned out.

"oh yeah..sorry"

"you don't look okay at all" She noticed studying the guy's face who was sat in front of her.
"nah, i'm good" He was honestly getting tired of this girl who had just come out of nowhere and was trying to get into his life like that.

He was so focused into that large green expanse around him that he almost didn't catch a familiar figure walking in a close distance.
He did not know why he got up but he felt like it was best thing to do at that moment. He started running and left the girl he had just met behind, who cared about her. His focus was on something or someone else at that moment.

He was almost there, extremely close...but something inside of him stopped him from risking it. Was it really worth it? Would it make a difference? he didn't have an answer to that but he wanted to try, he didn't care if it wouldn't go the way he wanted, at least he tried.

"hey.." he bent over trying to catch his breath from the short sprint.
The guy in front of him didn't even look at him and just went on with the conversation he was having with a random person San only had seen around their school.

"hello?" he waved his hand in front of Wooyoung in order to get the other to give up on the attempt of ignoring him.

"what?! what the hell do you want?" he blurted out scaring the two.

"i just wanted to talk you" San tried to keep his cool but seeing his old friend treat him that way hurt, it hurt like hell. But what could he expect after the way he himself treated the other? this was the least the other could do.

"talk to me about what?! can you just leave me alone...?" Wooyoung lowered his voice, probably realizing he was being a bit too loud for the place they were at.

" we haven't talked properly in a while"
"the last time we met you literally told me to leave you alone because you had nothing to do with me anymore"
"I-i changed my mind..." he kinda hesitated on that but he let it out. Now or never, right?

"you changed your mind?? are you trying to fuck up with my head right now??" he pushed the other's shoulder slightly.

"Woo please.. i just wanna talk" San put his hand over the other's but resulting with the latter retracting it.
"you don't wanna talk to me. You gotta fix yourself first because there is no way i am letting you fuck up with me this time.." he paused and saw San's eyes about to spill salty tears.

"..San i'm being honest with you right now, you can't treat someone the way you did and then expect them to come back to you like nothing happened. Work on yourself first, i'm saying this as a person who cares about you more than anyone else in this world." and that was that. He walked away. He just left followed by his friend who looked at San with pity in his eyes, he couldn't have known what had happened between the two but the scene seemed really sad in his eyes.

San tried really hard to stay composed but he failed, he let all the tears spill all over his cheeks and touch his lips making them a salty flavor he did not enjoy tasting.

I really lost him, didn't I? I guess it's over now.