the way i loved you

awkward.

A/N: i'm reading it back, i just realised i basically reused the whole kissing on the cheek thing in chapter 4 (i think) of the heart wants what it wants... oh well.

i just wanted to add to this note in addition that i did get carried away because i had watched a video called 17 minutes of theo raeken content followed by the 10 minutes of liam, so i got very in my feelings and the first half is very descriptive.

i'd also like to thank amanda (@/a_written_simulacra) for inspiring me with the bits about the hospital, which only came to me after watching her tiktok video (@/sunshinechimera) about theo's personal hell being the hospital.

plus it's the summary and notes that make this chapter look so long.

(sorry.)

***

Theo stood frozen in his place.

It was as if time was slowly becoming relative watching Liam run away from not only him, but from them and without even sparing him one last look.

As Liam got further down the hall, his figure shrinking only caused Theo to realise that this was just a prime metaphor of how close they truly were now.

This figure that was disappearing right in front of his eyes, was showing him that the harsh reality was that no matter what he wanted or what he felt, he couldn't have Liam.

Loosing Liam was his punishment because he knew deep down happiness was a feeling that wasn't made for him.

Meaning that all those memories they had once shared together, were all because of those people that they once were.

Except they weren't those people anymore and they never could be again.

It was obvious the feelings they felt were still there.

Anyone else could see it, especially since Liam had not only kissed him and had practically pinned him to the hospital bed.

Even if you didn't know them, hear their heartbeats or smell their chemosignals, you could see it in their eyes.

At least everyone else knew that, because when it came to Theo, he didn't know what to think anymore.

Growing up, Theo had lived a long enough life for anyone, let alone a child.

One where he had to be a lot of different people to suit those people he'd met along the way.

In doing so, he had realised that during the heat of the moment a lot of people would often confuse their lust for feelings of love.

By the time their guilt would set in, they would've already caused their harm.

Could Liam be doing the same or could he really love him?

It was stupid of him to allow himself to think like this, but when it came to Liam thoughts were just thoughts.

They had been able to love one another before, the only cost being they had to do so in secret.

This was the exact same secrecy that had driven Theo to his decision in the first place.

Seeing Liam loose sight of what was important, had made him realise he was the problem.

Letting Liam in was dangerous on it's own, but letting Liam love him was only setting them up to fail and he loved Liam far too much to let him fail.

The only thing Theo could think about was that if he got the chance to love Liam again, then this time he could love him right.