Escapism

We repainted

The apartment was furnished now,

But still half empty.

My room at the apartment mimicked

My room at the house:

A bed and a desk stood in the room

Trying to fill the void

But the walls were bare

And the shelves were half empty,

Their contents are split between the two places.

Just like me.

I was trying to readjust living between 2 places,

Calling 2 places home.

But neither felt like home anymore.

I mostly stayed confined to my room

Avoiding my new reality.

The exception is at night

When I would sneak upstairs

And crawl into my mother's bed.

She never stopped me from doing this.

I think she wanted the company too.

After a while, I began to learn the art

Of faking normality.

I pretended to go to school normally,

Pretended to spend time with my family normally,

Pretended to talk with my friends normally,

Constantly avoiding the subject of my parents.

Since I was becoming a master at the art,

I called my cousin to chat,

Since that was something normal I would do.

Her face appears on my screen,

Curly hair and pale face sprinkled with freckles

I'm warmed by her smile,

She missed me,

I missed when things were normal.

She pauses, her smile breaking.

Did y'all move?

I freeze.

I'd forgotten I was no longer in front

Of my Mother's beloved bookshelf.

I was in front of a bare yellow-cream wall.

I say the only normal thing I can think of:

"We repainted."

It's panicked and rushed

But we continue as if things are normal,

Because they are.

This is my new normal.