ℙ𝕒𝕦𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕤 <Oneshots>

Jane (Angst)

TW: Self Harm
(This one is long sorry y'all)

Emma's POV

"Hey man if you're mad at the fact that I won't sing for you then you can fuck off." I state.
"I'll just take back my money then!!"
"Oh no!! What am I gona do without a dollar!!" I say as the customer walks off. I flip him off and Nora walks in.
"What was that for?!" She asks stern.
"Can't you understand that I don't wanna sing."
"Actually I don't. It's apart of your job Emma we talked about this."
"Dude I'm so uncomfortable with this idea. People are watching me and they're probably gonna make fun of me. We are just a coffee shop Nora, we are not broadway for fuck sake." I exclaim. I know the customers are hearing me but I don't care at this point.
"I think it's a great idea." Zoey barges in.
"Aren't you supposed to be working?" I ask annoyed.
"Oh I'm vocal rest."
"What?" I can't believe what I was hearing.
"I'm on vocal- god damn it Emma now I have to make tea with honey okay? God!" She yelled as she walks off.
"Just clock out I can't deal with you. You're so annoying-"
Bitch she did not just say that to me.
"Annoying? I still come back every shift! If I was really that annoying you should've just fucking told me and I can just quit!!" I spoke.
"I don't care Emma!! Quit then!! You know your sister use to work here. She wasn't like you at all. Jane actually did her job and wasn't a shitty person about what she doesn't want to do."
I shut my mouth when she mentioned her. I didn't know how to react. All I know is the place went quiet.
"Nora-"
"Clock out. Now." Nora demanded.

I did as she told me and walked out. I took out my car keys and went inside my car. I needed to cry but I couldn't. Anger flooded my body. She didn't have to mention Jane. Nora fucking knows how her death affected me as a person. She didn't have to do that. My turned on and it was a message from Paul. I flipped it over. As much as I needed Paul right now I never really opened up to him about Jane. Only thing he knows is that she was my sister and got into a car crash.
I sat there for awhile looking at the steering wheel. What if you with her? No Emma. I can't do this dude I need to get home.

Time skip-

Tears rush down my face and burns my skin. My phone turns on and it's more messages from Paul. I don't want to talk anyone right now. What if I went with her? You can be with her Em. What if I did? I quickly opened the front door and shut it behind me. Threw off my shoes and went to Paul and I's shared room. I grab one of my high school t-shirts. They were Jane's shirts. It would be lovely with her Em. I have to do this. What if Paul found out though? That's an if Emma he's not gonna find out.

I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I haven't done this in so long. Last time I did it was the night I found out Jane died. She was the person who knee about my bad habits. A razor in my hand was one of them. Without her who's here to stop me? She taught what being included felt like. What it is to be truly happy with someone. She knew why did it constantly in high school. She knew the pain distracted me. The razor got closer to my skin and I slid as fast as I could. I thought one would be enough. That wasn't until I lost control of my body. There was one, then two, then three. It got up to seven cuts. The pain relieved me and the blood dripped. It didn't stop there. I couldn't stop it. I hear my phone ring in the bedroom. It was quiet. I switched the blade to my left hand and slit slowly on my right arm. Slow then fast, fast then slow. The stinging hurt but it felt great to feel it again.

Now it got worse. Both my upper arms were filled. Everywhere was dripping dark red blood. Shit. I got up slowly not make myself passout. I knew how to handle this. Some blood dripped on the floor. When I mean some I mean a small puddle. I quickly got some paper towels and cleaned it up as fast as I could. I haven't read my phone in awhile so I don't know when Paul would get home. I got out of the bathroom and got one of my hoodies, not Paul's. If got one of Paul's there would be blood stains inside. I heard the front door. I walked out of our bedroom and met Paul in the kitchen.

"Hey honey how come you didn't answer any of my texts?" He asks worried.
"I just took a small nap that was it sorry if I scared you." I lied. I hate lying to Paul.
"I couldn't find you at Beanies so I came home."
"Did you like leave work early?" I ask smiling.
"Work was getting boring so I left."
"That seems like you."

Paul brung me in for a kiss then hugged me after.

"You're adorable you know that?" I told him. His face became blurry. I ignored it.
"Not as cute as you." Paul stated.

I felt more blood drip down my arms. Shit. Shit. Shit.
"Shit I can hear my phone ringing in the other room. I'll be right back babe." I say as I left. He looked at me confused but just shrugged it off. That wasn't until he noticed my hands.

"Emma what's on your hands?" I turn around trying to think of something. That failed.
"Sweetheart are you okay?" I tried to answer but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.
"Emma!!"
I fell to the ground (well almost) Paul caught me just in time.
"I'm okay Paul, everything's okay-"
"No it's not Em you're bleeding everywhere!" I felt him carry me into the bathroom and sat me  on the ground. He knew if he sat me on the sink I'd fall immediately.
"Why are these razors here?" Paul asked. I looked up and saw this expression that I will never forget.
"Em have you been..." I saw tears on his face. He quickly wiped them and found the first aid kit and got the bandages out and vaseline. He then lifted up my sleeves.
"This is going to sting but I have to do this."
I nod.
He got a warm, wet cloth and wiped the blood slowly but at a fast pace. It stung but it was the only way to stop the bleeding.
After he did both arms and got the vaseline and rubbed it on my cuts. This brung me back to my normal mind making the realization hit me hard.

"Paul I'm so sorry." I starting to tear up more and more by the second.
"Babe it's gonna be okay, just let it out okay?" I was scared to show more emotion but I couldn't control it.

Time skip-

Paul was then done with the bandages. I looked up to his gorgeous blue eyes. He was in deep thought I could tell.
"Paul?"
He came in to my arms and held me close being careful not to hurt me.
"I don't want to lose you Emma Perkins. I don't need to lose you. I never want to lose you Em. Please don't ever leave me please. I need you here with me. I can't lose you."
Those words just made cry even more. I never knew he loved me that much.
"I hate seeing you in pain Emma. If you ever wanna talk or give you company I will be there Em. You're not alone. I'm right here for you. I love you so much Emma Perkins. "
As we speak there's a waterfall in my eyes.
"I love you too Paul. I'm so sorry. There's been so much on my mind and I'm too scared to open to anyone- it's just- Nora yelled at me today and she got so upset till the point she started talking about my sister Jane."
Paul let go but still had his hands on me. His expression went from sympathetic to mad.
"You're not going back there until she apologizes you know that right?"
"What no- Paul-"
"She needs to realize that talking about someone's death is incredibly fucked up."
I stayed silent. Not bad silent. I just never knew he was this defensive for me. For me.
"I love you so much oh my god."
"Emma if you ever have something to get off your chest you can always talk to me. I will stay here forever, with you and only with you."
"I actually have something to get off my chest."
Paul looked at me.
I cup his face with both my hands and immediately pull him for a kiss. His hands travel my waist and pull me closer to his body. It felt I was in heaven. We pull away.
"So you wanna talk about what's going on?" He asks.
"Actually yeah."

The End