ℙ𝕒𝕦𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕤 <Oneshots>

Trust (Angst/Fluff)

TW: Mentions of drug use, abuse, self harm, PTSD

A/N: It's just Paul and Emma trauma moment 😭

(This one is long)

Emma's POV

I sit on the kitchen counter traveling through the deep dark abyss of my mind. I do this a lot whenever I'm alone. I start traveling my mind. There's a lot that goes on in the mind of Emma Perkins. Mostly suicidal thoughts, the meaning of life, her being a year sober, all that shit. I never knew how I pushed through life with this shit. I guess I got used to it. Wanting to go away from everyone and everything, who would care anyways? My own fucking family cut contact with me after Jane's passing. They blamed it on me when I wasn't even in the state when it happened. They say I never cared for her but that was such a lie. I was there for her when she got her first heart break, when she relapsed, the delivery room, for fuck sake you name it. Mom and dad were so caught up in fights they never payed attention to our bond.

I check my phone to see if I got anything important. I did, Paul Mathews heading home. I wasn't in the mood to respond. He knows I don't respond to anyone's messages when I am not in a good mood. I needed him right. Just him holding me and whispering nothing but sweet things. CCRP isn't far from our apartment building so he'll be home in about six minutes or so.

I go back to the abyss and start wondering through old memories of mine.

"You never do anything great in your life Emma. Why can't you be more like your sister? It's depressing how you haven't done one thing?" Mom starts screaming at 15 year old me.

"Mom- I'm sorry I- We are just different why can't you accept that?"

She goes quiet and leans back on the couch.

"If you wanna be so great for your mom, why don't you fetch me a beer will you?"

She was too young to have Jane and I. Mom had us at 16. She revolved herself around guys, bars, drugs, you name it. She was the main reason why I started my day to night habit, staying up late and razor blades. I never believed in love because of her.

"I am the only one trying for these kids!! You realize that right?! I may regret having to be their father but they are just kids!"

"You're the main reason why they are here? Did you forget why we are married?"

Dad went silent. I sat at the top of the stairs making sure it doesn't get too violent. God I hated listening to this. Jane was over at Becky's place leaving me with this heck of a show.

"God maybe if I wasn't a little buzzed we wouldn't be here right now..."

"THATS NOT THE PROBLEM!! You revolved yourself around boys, drinks, sex, all this shit that got YOU here!!"

After that I heard a loud crash. From the top I only saw glass spread across the room. I was too late.

I was in deep thought. I couldn't get myself out of that memory. The only thing at that moment to comfort me was one of dad's football hoodies. He may have never wanted us but he sure did his best to keep us away from mom. Maybe if I did better they would actually like me. Maybe if I was there with Jane in that car, I would've got her out in time. Maybe if I never approved that stupid fucking Tom of hers she would be alive right now!

Reality came back to me. The glass I originally was holding is now shattered and into pieces. My hand drips with red and onto the floor.

"Shit shit shit... SHIT!!" Panic rose within me. Whenever I'd mistake I remember mom always- forget it.