Ace Huxley's Daughter

36

Safest option. He was the safest option. He was good. Soft and gentle and god he'd never dream of hurting anyone ever. He never talks down to me, is never rude, we can kind of laugh together, we have the same interests, read the same books, drink the same wine. He was fine. He sipped from his glass, nodding at the waiter that it was right and sitting back whilst they were poured.

As soon as the waiter left, Conrad grabbed my hand, holding it in the middle of the table as he talked about his week at work. I honestly couldn't hear him, even if I tried. Like it was background noise and the whirring of the blood circling my body was all I could hear clearly. It's all I'd been able to hear since I got to mum's office 3 weeks ago to be honest.

I knew this was the right thing to do. The best option for future Olive so she could be safe. I could be happy with Conrad. I don't doubt it. And I'm sure over time I'd grow to love him in some sense of the word. I'd grow to love our life together and our 2 holidays a year to the same resorts we always go to. Where the waiters know our names and orders and we have the same rooms we know have the good views and we always get the good service.

Our kids will be able to run around. They'll have friends from vacations they will know until they graduate uni and that will be essential. Having contacts in this world always helps you go further. Conrad will teach them all about the laws we work with on a daily basis and we'll teach them Shakespeare and the Bronte sisters and Dickens. They'll go to the best schools in the country and have doors open for them around the world without a single worry in their minds.

"What do you think?" I blinked. Conrad chuckled, bringing my hand to his lips quickly. "You weren't listening honey."

"I'm so sorry. I was just thinking about something silly. Go again." Focus Callie. Really focus.

"I was talking about the wedding." Wedding? You've not even proposed. We're not even- breathe Olive. Slow. Steady. "I think a manor house, in the country would be lovely no? Big enough for everyone with plenty of rooms for people to stay over should they need to. If we do decide for next summer we'd need to get planning right away and we could have it outdoors with a garden party for the reception. Weather permitting, of course."

"Oh, yes of course." I nodded quickly. "I'm so sorry Conrad. Please excuse me. I uh- just need to use the ladies." He nodded and I pulled my chair out, tucking and untucking my hair as I walked into the bathroom, trying not to hyperventilate. What the hell was I doing? I can't marry this guy next year. Am I actually insane? He's the safest option you have Olive. No, you can't marry a guy because your mother thinks he's a solution to a problem. The problem being her daughter of 21 is unmarried.

YOU'RE A CHILD OLIVE. A LITERAL CHILD. You can only just drink in some countries. And you're going to get married?

My hands gripped the bathroom counter, staring at a reflection I didn't even recognise. She looked like me. Same hair and eyes and freckles from the past 6 weeks. But now the sparkle that she'd had was gone. Mint green eyes that used to echo gemstones now looked like a matt colour chart used to select your paint shade. Dull. Lifeless. They shone only with the constant presence of tears that were forever trying to spill onto my cheeks but I couldn't let them. This was my choice. I'd made my choice on that train platform. I knew what that meant. I knew what coming home early, what not opening the university emails, what not answering Emerson or Hannah and barely answering Dad. I knew what it all meant.

"Are you okay love? Looking a little pale?" I focused on the white-haired old lady stood behind me. Standing up quickly, I swiped my hands over my dress, moving out of her way.

"I'm so sorry. Please-" A soft smile at on her lips as I shakily moved through my bag, looking for any kind of distraction.

"You look like a girl about to be asked a very important question." The lady washed her hands as I forced my lungs to take a steadying breath. "And she doesn't know the answer she wants to give.

"Are you supposed to know? " She chuckled.

"It's a question you only know the answer to when he's on his knee unfortunately."

"I've already turned him down once." She pulled at the paper towels. "Ran to Europe for 6 weeks."

"Why'd you turn him down?" I blew my cheeks up, letting the air out slowly. "Are you not interested in him like that?"

"He's the safest option."

"Ah." She nodded quickly. Why the hell was I telling some total stranger such personal information? Maybe I should cap myself off. No more wine for Mrs. Blabbermouth over here. "The marry me because I'm easy and I won't have to try anymore in 5 years because you'll be stuck. I've had 2 of those. Especially when I was younger."

"You've been married before?"

"4 times." She nodded. "My parents chose the first 3. Good men on paper but behind closed doors it was like we lived together and that was it. Roommates at best. The 3rd was probably the best but he passed 6 years after we married and I had to make the next choice by myself."

"Did you make the right choice?" She sighed, grabbing paper towels to dry her hands. I grasped at the tiny pendant around my neck, tugging it left and right gently.

"Some days, marrying Hank was the best decision I've ever made. Some days, the worst." Huh? "There's too many variables with life. Nothing is guaranteed. You could write it all out, have a 1 year, 5-year, 10-year plan but life will throw one spanner in the mix just to muddle everything up. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Money, cars, businesses go under every day. If that's why this young man is the safest option, because he's got money and that's why you choose him, honey you'll be poor for the rest of your life. There's more to life than boats and fancy wine. It's nice, without a doubt. But life is built on happiness. Happiness that comes from memories and experiences you'll be laughing about when you're 90 in a rocking chair. You take a few minutes love. I'll tell your gentleman friend you gave up your spot in the queue for me and you'll be out soon. Just don't do something because it's safe. Take it from a stranger in fancy washroom. It's good to be a little scared. It means you've got something you don't want to lose."