Ace Huxley's Daughter

26

Skinny dipping. In a freshwater lake in Sweden. Only Sonny could ever come up with these kind of things. It was hot here today. Sun beating down like it had something to prove. Birds peacefully chirping away in the trees surrounding this place as I waded a little deeper. I closed my eyes, a slight breeze wafting over my face taking with it all of my worries. And just for a second, everything is perfect. Sonny wraps his arms around me quietly and I hold onto his arm, laying my head back carefully. Trying to force that calm to last as long as humanly possible. It has been forever since I felt some kind of joy where I didn't feel guilty for having it. Even being in bed with Sonny. There was guilt there.

"Stop thinking." He whispered. "Just for a minute."

"How do you stop thinking?"

"Find one thing. So insignificant but powerful. Focus on that. Down to the very smallest detail. How does it feel? Where do you feel it? Have you felt that before? I know that's thinking but focus on it. Really focus Pops." I nodded, closing my eyes.

Okay.

Focus.

One thing.

The birds.

The more I focused the clearer each one became and the easier it was to devote my entire brain to that and that alone. I found one. One bird song that stood out and I listened to that. Thought about the notes. Listened closer. Harder. Then my brain fell quiet. Silence. For the first time I could remember. There was nothing. No thoughts. No fear. No expectations. Just me and the breeze and the water and the birds.

...

...

"Pops?" I breathed. Bliss. I was in complete bliss. "Do you trust me?"

"Mhm." I nodded. "More than myself."

"So why won't you tell me about who hurt you?" Gone. I tried to move but Sonny held on tight, gentle kisses on my shoulder. I could. I very much could go into details about it. I could tell him about what happened in excruciating detail in 6 years, 4 therapists had told me to not lock it away. To hold the memories of it because locking it all away was far worse for me. So, I did. I held them tight. Tighter. Tighter still. So tight they were engrained in the palm of my hand and I doubted they'd ever fade.

"It's not you. I just don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?" Each question he pondered, landed me with another series of kisses on my skin. "Close your eyes Pops. Keep focusing on that one thing. I've got you. I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe." I swallowed, trying to do what he said but struggling to refocus on the birds. "I'm asking Callie because I think I know but I don't want to assume. I know you don't want to talk about it but I can support you and love you better if I know." I sighed.

'We're avoiding talking about it again Olive. You can't ignore it forever or you're going to make yourself sick. I can see it in your eyes that it's there. I know you're not here because of your mum and dad's divorce. As much as that is a trauma I'd like to talk to you about, this one's more pressing.'

"Is it what I think it is babe?" I nodded. Keeping my eyes sealed tight out of fear one crack would let go of the tears I was holding back right now. Sonny placed more kisses than he had so far along my shoulder, up my neck, pressing in harder when he reached my head. "Good. You're doing so good. I'm so proud of you Callie. Your dad said 6 years ago is when your mum started being like this. Is that wh-" I nodded before he could finish his question, struggling to breathe at all. I was stuck. Completely paralyzed in his arms. "Someone you knew?" Nod. "Friend?" Shake. "School friend?" Shake.

'Alex, stop.'
'Come on Olive. It's just a bit of fun'
'I saw you drop something in my drink Alex.'
'You came here dressed like that Sunshine, you kiss me, you let me bring you up here. We're doing something. Bottoms up.'

"Sonny." I gripped his hand, opening my eyes and trying to ground myself as quickly as I could.

"I've got you Callie." He turned me around, pulling me up and grabbing my legs, wrapping them around his waist. "Too far baby. It's okay. I'm sorry. I should have stopped." I pressed my face into his neck. "Thank you for sharing that with me. I am so so proud of you. You're so strong."

"I'm sorry. Sonny-"

"No no no no. You don't have a single thing to be sorry for angel. Not a single one. Well. Apart from taking my coffee off me this morning. But I'll live." Of course, he was making a joke right now. Nothing was more Sonny than him trying to make light of a desperately dark conversation. "Can I ask one more thing? Just one?" I nodded. "Who else knows? Obviously, your parents. But the band? Hannah? Dickhead?"

"No one. I don't think." I lifted my head. "Dad said he told them something happened and I was in hospital but nothing else."

"So, Hannah?"

"I told them both I got drugged at a party. They don't-"

"Okay baby. Okay. That's fine. Ready to get out?" I nodded. He climbed out slowly, walking us up to the open van doors and wrapping me in a towel before doing himself. Sonny pulled the doors closed behind us, laying down in bed and covering us both with his beige bed sheets. "Sleep Pops."

"I'm not tired."

"Baby, I can see it on your face. You're exhausted. You have been for days." He pushed his arm under my neck, the softest touch he ran the tip of his finger up the bridge of my nose. "You haven't slept properly since Blake, Pops. I can feel you staring at me for hours at a time. Your dad can see it. To the point he's told us to meet him in Berlin."

"He what? That's like 2 weeks away? They've got Copenhagen yet. You need to-"

"Shh. He's sorted it. We're taking a road trip. Just us. No one else knows just your Dad and the band and Hannah. That means he's nowhere near and we can get you back on track. If we leave now, we can be in Copenhagen in about 7 hours. Stay in a hotel for a day or 2 and it's only about a 7-hour drive from there the rest of the way. We'll be passing through German countryside so we could just park up in the middle of nowhere for a few days or it's an extra 2 hours to Amsterdam, we could do Belgium. I know we'd be doubling back on ourselves but we have 2 weeks and all these places are right next door to each other. We could do them all and be back in Berlin before your dad gets there."

"He suggested this?"

"He demanded. Practically told me to kidnap you if it helped." He ran his hand up and down my arm gently. "2 weeks. Just us. No distractions. No eyes. No parents. Just me and you and the world."

"Okay." I nodded, closing my eyes. "Naps first."

"Of course. Most important things first. I'll put you to sleep and then I'll drive whilst you're asleep."

"Aww." I pouted at him. "Can't you stay?"

"I can but then it's gonna be longer until we get to Copenhagen. You'll need to wake up to go through passport stuff anyway." He chuckled when I still didn't retract my bottom lip, playing with it gently.

"But we've got 2 weeks. There's no rush. We can get to Copenhagen tomorrow morning and spend the whole day exploring right?"

"Yeah." I wrapped my arms around him.

"Naps."

"Okay angel. Naps."