Project: A Stark Winter

Chapter four: The Girl Who Cried Wolf

The morning came quickly, sunlight streaming through the windows to your room and casting early sunrise shadows across the pale beige walls. You take a moment to wake up and just breathe in the stillness as you prepare to drag yourself from bed. Beside you, Steve stirs in his sleep and murmurs softly; lost in his dream world and for once at peace. With your still drowsy eyes, you trace his sleeping form and fondly etch this moment into your memories. Everything about him was perfectly enhanced by the super-soldier serum he had been given all those years ago. From his chiseled and defined jaw to his overly toned body, he radiated strength and, much to Steve's embarrassment, sex appeal that turned many heads. The Star-Spangled Man was a major catch and you had always felt incredibly lucky that he had chosen you, though undeserving. Love had always been something that you had allowed to pass by, and instead focused on building and creating the newest Stark Tech while trying to make your father proud. What you had created with Steve, however, was something that was comfortable. He was a constant and stable partner who you had grown to love deeply. It was never a whirlwind romance of sorts, but rather the feeling of loving a friend that grew into the inevitable romance of contentment. It worked for you both as your proximity to one another had made it nearly impossible to avoid the gentle pull to one another.

The night Steve had asked you to marry him had felt like the logical next step. There had been no reservations or second thoughts before you had said yes. When your father and Pepper practically ran down the dock after Steve and you started back up toward the house that evening, there was a look in your fathers eye you hadn't quite been able to place. He took you in his arms and kiss your hair; just holding you.
"This is what you want?" Your father whispers lowly, you almost don't catch it over the crickets and night sounds on the lake.
"Of course, dad. I love Steve." Your brow furrows as you rest your head on his chest and sink into the hug, feeling him take another unsteady breath.
"I know, I didn't ask if you loved him, kiddo. I just always thought you were into another...antique..." He trails off leaving the meaning unfinished as you bite your lip and consider honesty.
"That was never—I couldn't. Buc—He was never interested and I...I have Steve and it doesn't matter."
"Speck. If I've taught you one thing, your heart always matters and you have one made of iron, kiddo."
"Is that a pun? Because you're Iron Man?"
"Let me have this. I've seen you become a confident, smart woman. These last five years have been hard and you and Steve have handled this situation better than most. Finding love during all this...Your happiness is the most important thing. Does he make you happy?"
"He does."
"And you feel safe? Loved?"
"Of course, dad."
"He admitted I'm the strongest avenger?"
"He didn't, but you're my favorite, even more than Captain America." He laughs then, shaking you as he holds you tight.
"I didn't think you'd actually go and grow up on me, Speck. How could you?" Tony teased, happy tears quietly spilling down his cheeks.
"It was malicious, pops. I even chose the Capsicle out of pure spite." You whisper through your own tears, gripping tighter to your father as you feel him begin to loosen his hold. For just one more moment you wanted to be just your fathers daughter, before everything changed and you stared down the path toward Mrs. Rogers. You lean back and peer up at your fathers face, giving him a wide smile as he kisses your forehead. With a sigh, he releases you and Pepper sweeps you into a crushing hug. You glance over her shoulder at Steve; shaking Tony's hand and beaming as he spoke of your future together. His eyes caught yours, radiating love and joy excited to begin planning his life with you.

Sighing at the memory, you slowly peel the comforter from your body and extricate yourself from the warmth of your bed; making your way to the adjoining bathroom. Bracing your hands on the counter you stare at your reflection in the mirror. Tired eyes with haunting dark circles staring back at you with sadness and a sense of hopelessness. A familiar feeling that greets you often as if to remind you of everything that has gone wrong in your life lately. You splash a bit of cold water on your face in an attempt to chase away the shadows of grief. You wouldn't let yourself think that way; not today. There was hope for the first time in what feels like forever. You cling desperately to the idea that this day could end happily, willing the universe to give you just this one win. Pulling your hair into a tight ponytail, you decide on a run to clear your head as the nerves of what the day holds settle deep within your chest. As you turn around you see Steve leaning against the door frame watching you, a soft smile on his face.
"Mornin', doll." He greets you, the morning causing a deep gravelly sound to coat his words. He pushes off the door frame and strides towards you confidently, taking you in his arms. You tilt your head back and look into his crystal clear blue eyes.
"Good morning, Mr. America." You reply, giggling and pushing him away lightly. You walk past him into the bedroom and set about getting ready for your run. You grab a pair of black leggings from the dresser and pull them on briskly, feeling Steve's eyes watching you.
"Going somewhere?" He questions calmly, eyes still tracking you as you dash around the room pulling on a t-shirt and searching for your running shoes.
"Yeah, I think I need a run. Just have a few things on my mind and need to run it off, ya know?" You reply coolly, hoping he doesn't push any further. Unfortunately, Steve was in the mood to push you today. He tosses you your running shoes as he says, "Alright, would you like some company?"
"No." You grumble, too quickly. A brief flash of hurt colors his features as he quickly replaces it with his always calm demeanor. He takes a deep breath and shuffles his feet, searching for the right thing to say. You pull on your shoes and lace them swiftly, not making eye contact; afraid your heart will cause you to spill all the secrets that whirl around inside.
"We talked about this yesterday, y/n. I...I just thought we could talk about things a bit more. Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"
"No," you try again, softer this time. "I just had a weird dream last night and need some time to myself." You lie with ease, willing him to leave the conversation alone and allow you space. He simply nods and heads for the bedroom door. Turning back to you, Steve smiles a solemn smile and murmurs, "I love you, y/n. More than you know." Not waiting for a reply he exits the room and leaves you alone, perched on the edge of the bed, hands still gripping your laces. Sitting there, you feel a familiar sense of dread. 'He knows about Bucky.' You scold yourself mentally, allowing the guilt to fully wash over you. The 'how' you weren't entirely sure of, but you knew Steve well enough to pick up on his thinly veiled attempt to reach you about it. 'More than I know? What the hell is that supposed to mean?' Tracing back the last few days of Bucky entering the training room, Steve looking for you on the roof, and Bucky's warnings your kind whirled trying to put things together. You swallow back the rising bile and breathe deeply, trying to keep yourself from spiraling out of control. You walk yourself through the exercise Bucky had done with you to help ease your panic attack and bring yourself back to reality.