Project: A Stark Winter

Chapter Seventeen: You and Me Both

In typical sci-fi fashion, the room erupted into pure chaos after your black, gooey exorcism failed. A cacophony of shouting, finger-pointing, and restless bodies shuffling around you was the perfect backdrop to the foreboding sense of unease that took up permanent residence in your chest. You hopelessly lean into Bucky's steady arms as you close your eyes against the lingering questions. It was nearly impossible for you to nail down exactly what was happening to you, why it was happening, or if you could even get it to stop. There was no clear answer, like most things in your life, and for the first time in what feels like forever you choose to surf the wave of uncertainty and hope there is someone there to catch you when you land. Emotions swirled around within you, drudging up all the feelings you had thought abandoned in your own universe. You swallow past the guilt over causing this chaotic moment and simply exist. Breathe in. Breathe out. You're okay. A set of agitated footsteps approach and you feel two hands press on the hospital bed by your side, making it sink it just a tad. Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay in control.
"Y/n, please open your eyes. We need your help to understand what's happening." Tony's frantic voice breaks through your inner thoughts. Annoyed, you peek open your eyelids to see his worried-lined face staring back at you. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and waited for you to acknowledge him, to shed light on the situation, however you remain silent. Tony looks from you to the group in shock and then spins on his heel, throwing his hands to the ceiling in frustration. Watching him stormily stomp his way to the foot of your bed, you send a sorry look his way that Tony instantly dismissed. It stung to seen him so upset with you and even though you understood his perspective, the underlying ache of disappointment found it's way into your heart. Slowly, that familiar nausea crept in forcing you back into your calming technique frantically as your eyes found Bucky's for reassurance. He gave you a stiff-lipped smile as you settled into breathing deeply. Breathe in. Breathe out. He's here and I'll be okay.
"Great, she chooses now to clam up?" Sam's sarcastic voice quips up from the back of the group. He wore a smile as he spoke, but the fear was palpable in his tone. Sams intention was to diffuse tension, but it seemed to have the opposite effect as the arguments continued over what to do. They cared for you, but this was over what they knew how to handle. Otherworldly was not the norm and their only real connection, Thor, was off planet. You avert your gaze from the team as the voices grow louder and angrier. Pinching your eyes shut once again, you try to block out the rising noise in this small hospital room. Focusing on your breathing, you inhale and exhale in long, drawn-out breaths willing yourself to remain calm and push away the rapidly approaching panic.
"Y/n, are you okay?" Bucky's calm, soothing voice whispers to you. You open your eyes and peer into his soft gaze. You pour all your thoughts and feelings into your look, hoping that he can mentally understand how you were tiptoeing on the edge of a panic attack. Bucky nods back sharply and stands to face the group.
"She needs rest. So, if you all plan on arguing I suggest you take it somewhere else." His baritone voice draws all eyes to him and the room falls silent as they gawk at the reclusive soldier giving orders. Bucky shoves his hands into his jeans pockets and gives a warning glare to the occupants of the small room, challenging anyone to go against him. Tony looks Bucky up and down, mouth agape trying to find the words. He decides against the snarky comment on the tip of his tongue and leaves the room in a rush. Gradually, the rest of the team, minus Strange and Steve, follow behind; no doubt going to fight over what to do about you. Bucky turns to Stephen and gives him a hard stare to which he only shrugs and crosses his arms.
"I only take orders from Miss. Priss."
"I resent that." You grumble, sitting up slowly while rubbing your aching muscles. Beside you Bucky snorts a laugh and shakes his head. You shoot a glare his way which he shrugs in return and leans against a far wall to watch you. Steve joins him as they begin to talk in a hushed whisper.
"Strange...why didn't it work?" You murmur the question into the tense air, hoping for clarity but knowing that uncertainty was your new companion. Stephen smiled at you with a look of pity and understanding. Dragging a chair to your bedside, he takes your hand and brings it to his temple; choosing his words carefully before shaking his head and sighing in defeat.
"I don't know." He states plainly, displeasure coloring his features at his admission. You exhale deeply, the sounds of it dry and annoyed as you looked back to the ceiling tiles and began recounting the many squares. Upon hearing this response, Bucky stalks over, barely controlling his displeasure and irritation.
"I thought you were some kind of doctor, wizard guy? You're tellin' me you have no clue about what's happening to her?" Bucky cuts in, hostility dripping from his words as he drags the remaining chair and sits back stiffly by your bed opposite Strange.
"I am a doctor, wizard, and guy. Astute observation, pal."
"Okay, smart ass. What do you know?"
"I know that she is poisoned, she is linked to her previous universe, and it's trying to kill her." Strange announces dryly; his words mocking your current situation. Bucky leans forward and glares at Stephen; eyes unblinking as he stares him down.
"We. Already. Knew. That." He responds, his words are clipped and short as he grits his teeth in annoyance. Your eyes nervously drift to Bucky's and you see his look of defiance and irritation as his jaw twitches. In this moment, you're completely caught off guard. He cares? you wonder to yourself as you chew your lips. Steve nervously steps toward you and places a warm hand against you cheek. You lean into his touch and smile a sleepy smile, earn a bashful grin in return from the Captain.
"How ya doin, doll?" Steve breathed; his voice gentle as he put you at ease between the bickering men. Against your better judgement, you allow your eyes to wander over his features and settle on his lips for just a moment; unable to curb the habit that had long been formed. This isn't your Steve, y/n! You scold yourself as you immediately pull your eyes from their roaming and refocus on Steve who was smirking down at you as he smoothed your hair and waited patiently.
"Huh?" You blushed, trying desperately to recall what he had asked. Steve chuckled and moved his hand to take your chin between his large fingers. He tilted your head side to side slowly as he grin widened.
"Hmm, doesn't seem like you hit your head this time. I think Bucky is right. You do need some rest, doll." Steve teased; releasing you and standing to leave.
"You got her, Buck?"
"I've only been babysitting for a week. I think I can handle Miss. Priss for a bit longer. If she can behave this time." Bucky complains as he gestures to you with a tired wave of his hand. You roll your eyes and release a huff of indignation at his comment.
"I'll be a good girl. Scouts honor." You snark holding your three fingers and then putting two down to flick Bucky off with a shit eating grin. He whips a hand out and grabs yours instantly, wrapping your entire fist in his own; staring you down sternly.
"Didn't anyone ever teach you manners?"
"Tony Stark is my dad, idiot." Bucky gives you a shove which makes you fall back softly on the bed as he groans and runs a frustrated hand through his hair. He plops himself in the chair next to your chair and raises a hand in surrender while shaking his head.
"That's on me."
"And that's my cue to go." Steve laughs while clapping Bucky on the shoulder and striding out the hospital room doors, clutching his sides; no doubt on his way to tell Nat what you said.
This was new for the two of you when just a week ago you were arguing on a rooftop and he couldn't stand the sight of you, let alone take up residence at your bedside. Sure, Bucky was being snarky and an ass. Beneath it he was being playful, too. As you lay here and look at the man who you thought despised you, your mind tries and fails to piece together what his motivation was. I'm probably just his assignment. Steve or Tony most likely told him to watch me. You think to yourself, deciding on this theory. Huffing loudly, you turn your narrowed eyes at Stephen who sheepishly looks between you and Bucky. Bucky is NOT going to like this.
"Bucky, I need to speak with her alone ..." Strange looks hard at the Winter Soldier who stares back angrily, putting as much emphasis on the final word before trailing off.
"No. My job-"He starts, but you cut him off quickly.
"I'm not a job, Buck. I'll be okay. Plus, if you hear screaming I'm either having the time of my life or being murdered. Enter at your own risk." You tease, sigh a wink and flutter your fingers toward the door. Bucky sputters and finally stands sharply. Turning on his heel, he storms from the room, the double door swinging widely as he leaves. You sigh deeply, caught between conflicting feelings as you turn sad, tired eyes to Stephen.
"Alone at last." he quips, smiling warmly as he takes Bucky's abandoned chair for a foot rest. In no mood for games, you narrow your eyes.
"Be serious, Strange. What is happening?" You plead for answers from the mystical man, but he only shakes his head and leans back. Rubbing a hand over his neatly trimmed goatee, he waves a hand in the air to gesture obscurely.
"I am being serious. I don't really have a clue as to what's happening with the black goo. But, I'm more interested in... your dreams..." You stare at him in shock, mouth opening and closing as you try to string together words that could explain what was happening inside your mind.
"I'm...I'm not sure...they're different each time. But this last one..."
"You saw me."
"Yes. We were-"
"In a grove of trees. I ate an orange. You seemed scared. Fond memories."
"How do you know that? It was a dream."
"Well, reality is such a thin veil, really. If you can squeak into a liminal space, I as a powerful wizard tend to know when people come and go where they don't belong."
"But, the Stephen I met there...wasn't you." Strange smiles at you sadly as he crossed his arms over his chest. He takes a deep breath as if considering all that he wants to tell you and all that he must keep guarded.
"Yes and no. It was not this me, but a me from a different timeline."
"That...makes my head hurt." You reply softly, pinching your eyes shut and rubbing your temples in discomfort. Stephen chuckles in response and pulls your hands from your head and holds them in his own.
"You are tied, connected to the multiverse on a grand scale, y/n. If it wasn't practically killing you, I'd be impressed at the science of it all." You chew your bottom lip as you choose your words carefully.
"I just want to live a normal life, Stephen. I don't think I can spend the rest of my life afraid to sleep or constantly causing chaos." Strange doesn't reply at first, considering your words as he looks you over.
"Is that all you want?" He questions knowingly, a stern look etched on his face as he attempts to read your features.
And he had you. That one simple question tore your heart in so many directions that the answer wasn't as simple as wanting a normal life. You wanted this fresh start with your dad and family around you, but there was also the part of you that wanted your old life. You ached and longed for the missed chances with Bucky and the comfort of your Steve. You wished you could hug your little sister and watch her grow. This universe had almost everything you had broken time and space for, but part of you wanted more. But it was impossible; having the best of both worlds and you knew that to be the most resolute truth of the universe. Your penance for breaking the timeline would be paid by being removed from where you actually belonged. As your mind ponders Strange's question, your thoughts drift back to seeing Bucky and Steve in the kitchen of the tower through the portal. Had he actually seen you? you wondered to yourself as you ran through a list of explanations. You had felt relieved to see that they were okay, but it had also stoked the inner fire of desire to hold them both again. A glimpse into the world you had left behind that caused the rift inside you to grow even wider. Slowly, you sit up from your reclined position in bed and stare Stephen down. You grind your teeth through the pain as you swing your feet from the edge of the bed and stand before him.
"Help me. Please. There has to be some spell, potion, or enchantment that you can use to fix me." You beg earnestly, your voice strong and determined as you spoke. Stephen looks you over with reluctance before exhaling deeply.
"I might have a few things that we can try, but y/n. You have to be sure that this, this universe, is what you want. This inner war that rages inside you is what is making you so...susceptible, to the poison." Stephen warned as he saw your bumbling excitement.
"This is what I want." You swallow past the lump in your throat and shove the growing sense of worry to the farthest corners of your mind. He eyes you cautiously before once again sighing deeply. Stephen pinches the bridge of his nose as he steps away from you and then raises his hands.
"I'll do some research. Try and stay calm, and don't go looking for any fights, okay?" You nod your agreement as he claps his wrists together and creates a portal.
"I hope you know what you're doing." Is his parting warning as he steps through, his portal whooshing and vanishing in an instant.
You and me both, Strange.