Project: A Stark Winter

Chapter Nine: Spicks and Specks

Steve had led you down a familiar hall to a room that was all too unfamiliar. It was a bland, spare room used for guests and interns who frequented the tower but never stayed long. The decor and furniture were as impersonal as those who had stayed here. Of course, you wouldn't have any belongings here, but not being able to curl up in your own bed under your heavy comforter struck a nerve somewhere deep down slightly dulling the ember of hope you felt earlier. For a moment, you pause at the doorway feeling a sense of loneliness that this room would be only yours as you cast a nervous look to Steve.
"Everything okay? If you don't like it I can always have Tony move you somewhere else." He says in his leader tone. He wanted you to feel at home and safe; Steve's usual priorities for the people around him. Chuckling, you shake your head and hold yourself in a tight hug as you peer into the room.
"It's perfectly fine, Steve. It's just, uh. Been awhile since I've had my own room." Your eyes shift to his subtly and catch the faintest shade of pink on his cheeks as you speak, but he just nods as you take a deep breath and shift away from him slowly. Steve shuffles on his feet in the doorway as you timidly stepp into the room and looked around. You gently trace your hand over the small desk on your way to the window; it reminding you of your dorm room at M.I.T complete with the odd desk chair in the burnt orange upholstery. Late afternoon sunlight streamed through the large window causing a warm glow to fill the space. Golden rays of sunlight cascades into the room casting playful shadows over the walls; bringing the faintest smile to your lips. Leaning against the window, you stare out at the city you remember so fondly. No one knew who you were, you mentally lecture yourself causing a lurching feeling in your stomach at the idea of what you would do next. Behind you, Steve cleared his throat drawing your attention back to him. With a sigh you turned only slightly, glancing over your shoulder in his direction.
"Ma'am, I don't pretend to know what you're going through, exactly. But having woken up in a strange place where nothing is quite the same as when you left it, was a shock for me." Steve looks at you with a genuine smile pouring out all the sincerity he had to offer. His eyes gently trace your figure and land on your eyes. There you knew he was searching for any bit of familiarity you claimed was between the two of you as he tried to understand the woman before him. Sighing, you turn fully to look at him, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning back against the windowsill casually.
"The difference being that you crashed a plane into the ocean to save the world like a hero and I tore an entire universe apart because I'm a genius brat who missed her dad." You joked, sharing a knowing smile and getting a hearty laugh from the super soldier who shakes his head.
"Steve does have a flair for the dramatic." Snarks a voice from over Steve's shoulder. Your eyes slowly drag to meet the cool, blue eyes of Bucky Barnes. It's odd seeing someone you had such passionate feelings for regard you with a mixture of indifference and annoyance like he doesn't even make the effort to see through you but rather chooses to act as if you were nothing more than an average fixture of the room. Nothing out of the ordinary, just as unassuming as the desk. At a nudge in the ribs from Steve, Bucky's stern face greets you with a guarded expression as he nods in greeting. Back to square one. Reminded of your time at the safe house, you smile to yourself at the rudeness Bucky had shown you before truly opening up. It hadn't lasted long and it was more so due to the Winter Soldier still being programmed within him. Your soft smile caused Bucky to frown at you, erasing the idea that this situation was in anyway similar. I guess this universe was built to torture me. You could tell from his stiff demeanor that Bucky was not at all interested in keeping a conversation going as he practically sucked the life out of the air from his shadowy stance in the hall.
"Bucky, this is y/n. She's-"Steve begins the introduction to ease the awkward tension but is abruptly cut off by Bucky's sharp tone.
"Don't really care. Bruce said he wanted you in the lab ASAP." Bucky grumbles lowly, eyes darting between you and the floor.
"Alright, I'll go see him in a minute. Bucky I think-"
"Great." Is Bucky's final reply as he turns on his heel and storms back down the hall in the direction he came. As you drag your eyes to meet Steve's he gives you an apologetic look as he fumbles excuses for his friend.
"I'd say he really warmed up to me, don't you think? Best friends in the making." You teased lightly, tapping Steve on the chest with a soft smile.
"Buck's been through a lot. He really is a good man and he's still adjusting..." He trails off, searching your face for understanding.
"I know, Steve. I had a Bucky, too. I totally get it." Steve gives you a warm smile as he crosses his arms over his broad chest, pulling his fitted t-shirt even more taught further emphasizing the rippling muscles underneath. Your eyes wandered his body with curiosity and maybe a bit more than that as they unconsciously compared this Steve to the one you knew inside and out. The same statuesque physique, muscles that were unyielding and powerful, hips and America's ass. Underneath all these layers...well. You had been blessed in that category with Steve. Your eyes drank him in as you let out a soft sigh. How is it even fair to look that good in a t-shirt? You momentarily get lost admiring him as his chuckle breaks you from those wandering thoughts. You guiltily meet his eyes before quickly looking away, the heat of a blush creeping up your cheeks and ears. Tucking a few stray strands of hair behind your ear you bashfully play with your hands. Steve just looks you over with a curious grin.
"You are definitely something special, y/n. You're gonna have to tell me all about your universe sometime." He playfully teases with a wink.
"I'd like that, Steve." Your voice a bit gravely and nervous as you watch him look you up and down.
"But first, I have to go see Bruce. You okay here alone?"
"Yeah, my head still kinda hurts so I might just lay down for a bit."
"Alright, but if you need anything just ask Friday where I'm at and come find me. I'm sure you remember your way around here."
You nod at him in thanks and he takes that as his cue to head out, closing the door softly behind him. Finally being left to yourself, you flop back on the bed and stare at the ceiling. There was so much to unpack about the day that felt never-ending, but you feared that opening your mind to wandering thoughts of everything that happened you'd break down into a blubbering mess. Rolling onto your side you lay and stare at the wall, steeling your mind against the thoughts of being lost in a world and having no idea what to do next but inevitably they came anyway. Your Steve and Bucky were probably heartbroken as they dealt with losing you. Pepper was probably being told that you were gone and trying to figure out how to explain to Morgan that yet another person in her life wouldn't be coming home. How could things have gone so wrong? You had been so certain of your plan and had worked tirelessly with Peter to ensure that nothing could go wrong. You wanted this second chance at life and knew that sulking and grieving were how you had gotten here in the first place, but how could you not feel helplessly lost. You had no support system, no goals, or dreams. You were just kinda...there. Even if you had a direction you wanted to go, no one knew you existed, and starting a new life required some essential paperwork that you didn't have and couldn't explain why. So much of your life had been built around Stark Enterprises and running the company with Pepper and going on Avengers missions with the team. These people you recognized and knew practically everything about, but yet they couldn't even name your favorite ice cream flavor. If you hadn't fucked things up so badly, you could be curled up on the couch watching Dirty Dancing with Wanda as you tossed popcorn at each other and swooned over Partick Swayze. You missed them so much and as this deep realization sunk in the tide of tears broke free and spilled down your cheeks as you violently sobbed, your body curled in a small ball shook with each cry. Eventually, the dark lull of sleep finds you as you doze off into a deep sleep.