Behind our eyes beta version

Chapter 1: Shinso

Alternative chapter name: I'm scared it'll hate me

This is how you identify bullshit.

Your foster parents will grab you by your shoulders and their eyes will meet yours. They will sigh like they hold the wisdom of the entire world on their shoulders (they don't,) and tell you things.

They will tell you that they are proud of you, and you should not be afraid because they are here for you. They will tell you that everyone you know and love is here for you. They will have forgotten that you don't know or love a lot of people. They will tell you that you should not worry too much. That the first day of school will define a lot of things but it won't define the things that matter. They will tell you that they'll deal with anyone that tries to hurt you. They will tell you that they love you.

At least that's how it was for me.

I nodded my head at their words, but they should have known that I didn't believe a word they said. How could they ever? My knees have been shaking in my shoes since I got into the car. Even with the disaster that is Musutafu traffic and the occasional sound of Hizashi screaming out the window in the driver's seat next to me, the only thing I can think about is where I'm going to sit and how hard the new subjects are going to be and if there's going to be anyone I want to be friends with this time. Apart from Denki of course.

Denki Kaminari is my best friend. My only friend, actually. I mean, unless you count Midoriya but our relationship is kind of a strictly business casual affair.

Denki and Midoriya were the only ones other than my family that I spent time with during spring break. I had asked Midoriya at the end of the school year to train with me and since our houses were unexpectedly close to each other, he agreed. Denki however, Denki doesn't ask before he shows up at my door. He's just there at random times every single day to take me some where he swears I'll love.

I don't always exactly love every place he takes me, but there isn't anyway I don't end up enjoying myself when he's around.

Hizashi honks me back into the present. I look out the window. Outside there is a herd of students all on their way to their first day. The better part of them are laughing in groups and I'm glad the windows are soundproof. Things like that remind me that I'm not normal. I've been in groups like that several times but I'm always just in the crowd, never a part of it. I've never walked to school with someone before. The times I recall doing, it was because they wanted to bully me before the bell rang.

As I stare at the flock of students in their colorful uniforms, partly envious and partly satisfied that I'm on my way to boarding school where I never have to feel this way again, someone whizzes past on a skateboard. They're wearing a black hoodie that covers their entire face and a navy green skirt. Their socks are gray and their shoes are white and something about them is just clean. They skate past the car, leaving a dry taste on my tongue.

"'Toshi?" Hizashi asks. There is concern in his eyes. I realize that I've spaced out for at least three minutes. The person on the skateboard is long gone.

"Yeah?" I respond. It comes out sounding like a question and Hizashi furrows his eyebrows at me.

"Are you excited for school?"

He doesn't ask "Are you okay?" because it's easy for me to say yes. I always say yes. In fact, I got into a big argument with him a few days ago for always asking me if I'm okay when he knows the answer and he knows I'm just going to lie. He didn't take it well at first: he couldn't speak to me for two whole days for fear of saying something wrong again. But on the third day, he was just back to ruffling my hair and saying good morning again. I didn't know what happened.