Old Habits | karlnap

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Sapnap continued to hold Karl until late at night. The boy was so scared physically shaking in sapnaps grasp.

He was beginning to loose control of his eating disorder. He was starting the stage where he could no longer physically keep everything down his body was too weak that he physically couldn't handle food inside him.

His therapist would make him try different methods like eating directly before bed or after exercise. But he was so exhausted that he couldn't walk straight for a few seconds let alone full on excercise.

He also was having trouble sleeping even though he was tired all the time. his lack of nutrients kept waking him up his body desperately trying to tell him to eat.

And the constant head aches making it impossible to do anything.

All of this made him be in bed allot of the day so it made him worried sapnap would leave him because who would ever want a boyfriend who physically can't eat anything and could barely walk by himself if ever even tried to stand he would immediately fall and wasn't able to get up again sometimes just sitting on the floor for hours at a time until sapnap came home from work and found him there sitting on the floor with know way to get up. it was truly awful.

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Sapnap picked him up carrying him to their room quickly changing him into some comfier clothes being to week to do it himself. Before he changed himself and sat beside him putting his arm around his shoulder.

"Do you want to try the eating before sleep thing that your therapist told us" sapnap asked and Karl let out a whine and dug his face into sapnaps shoulder.

"Come on doll it will be easy I promise I'll do it with you"  sapnap pleaded "it won't work I can barely sleep anymore" Karl said "please just try Karl, for me?" Sapnap asked again and Karl finally agreed.
Sapnap pulled out a small packet of crackers from a drawer and opened them he broke it in half and handed it to Karl.

"Come on you can do his" sapnap said as Karl took a small bite off of the edge. "Well done Karl can you do another" sapnap asked and Karl did another finishing the entire half of the cracker.

"I'm so proud Karl well done" sapnap said finishing his side of the cracker.

Tears streamed from his eyes again and he shivered.

"Hey it's ok that was really good" sapnap said placing a hand around his shoulder. And Karl just continued to sob into his hand. "I feel awful" he whispered "I know darl I know" sapnap said not even able to imagine the kind of pain Karl was in right now not having eaten properly in weeks.

"You go get tucked up in bed I'll get you a hot water bottle how does that sound sweetheart"  sap said trying to comfort. "I know! But I'm scared" Karl whimpered "what are you scared of baby?" Sapnap asked simatheticly.

"I'm scared that I-i.." he started his breath getting in the way.

"Take your time love no one is judging you please talk to me"

"I'm scared that I'm not going to live through this or that I'll end up in hospital" Karl cried.

Sapnap didn't really know what to say after it there's was never really a possibility that Karl might not make it in his head he knew that eating disorders could be deadly but it never really wanted to think about it.

The possibility of being put in hospital was almost certain Karl had been slipping further and further away.

But he didn't want to scare the boy even further by sharing his thoughts but also didn't want to give false hope that it will all end just like that.

So instead he just held him close rocking him slightly trying to make him fall asleep.

Sapnap didn't really sleep that night just comforting Karl making sure he stayed asleep giving his body time to digest the food he had ate just gently stroking his head to sooth him when it looked like he was going to wake up.

But he kept thinking of what Karl said what if he did you know.. no definitely not you would never let that happen he can't loose his boyfriend especially after he's been trying so hard he will make it he has too but it still doesn't stop him from being scared I mean he had every right to be but at the end of the day he had to stay strong for Karl be there for congratulate him when he made an improvement, hold him when he's scared, cuddle him when he's cold.

He silently made and oth to himself that he would help Karl eat full meals properly again without all this worry and fear. All in all he wanted his happy boyfriend back.

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