Dear Fae, I never expected my first real heartbreak to come from you.
After the final period bell rang you met me at my locker looking anxious. "Hey Ash can we um talk about something?" A look of sadness and guilt crossed your face. Panic immediately flooded through me why did you need to ask about talking to me? "Yeah babe what's up?" I pecked your forehead and hugged you feeling you tense up in my arms. "It's something that I'm not sure you nor I are going handle very well." Fuck "Oh." You quickly buried your face in my sweater and started crying and apologizing. When you finally looked up your tear stained face made me feel like a five ton weight had just been put on my chest. "I'm moving Ashton." "What when?" I quickly scanned your face. "Today was my last day and we're moving to Hornsby. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." "We'll still keep in touch babe don't worry we'll make it work." As soon as those words left my mouth your hands flew up to your face and your shoulders shook. "Fae? What is it why are you crying." "Because Ash I-" "You what?" "I don't think I can do this. Being away from you and not being able to see you and just- what if you find someone else? Someone better?" I grabbed your cheeks between my hands and looked straight into your eyes. "Fae I love you too much to let you just walk away like that." My voice cracked and i had to take a moment to close my eyes and get myself together.
"It's been nine months Fae nine you're willing to let all of that slip away because of your fear of me finding someone else? I love you more than anything and I've told you that and made sure you didn't forget how can you just get up and leave so quickly?" "I'm trying to limit the number of people I hurt and I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Those nine months have been the best months, weeks, and days of my life. I swear I'll be back once senior year is over and be with you." "Are you sure this isn't because you're going to find someone else?" "I'm not sure" I felt a cold heavy feeling in my chest. "Um alright I guess I'll just speak to you later or something goodbye Fae." I turned and walked off feeling tears welling up in my eyes and a choking sensation. I slammed the door and felt the cold autumn breeze hit my face.
I heard my phone ringing and ran upstairs.
"Hello?"
"Ashton!"
"Oh hi Fae."
"Hi Ashton I have some good news!"
"What is it?"
I was so numb and tired from crying I couldn't stand it anymore.
"My parents are letting me stay here for an extra week so we can spend it together!"
"That's great Fae I can't wait."
"You still aren't okay are you?"
I tightly gripped my phone shutting my eyes squeezing them so I could hold back the tears.
"I'm okay just feeling a bit under the weather I have to go now I can't wait to spend the rest of the week with you."
"Okay hope you feel better love you."
"Bye Fae love you too."
Everything was so surreal. The week we spent together flew by so fast. It was the night before you had to leave my mum wouldn't let us sleep in the same room, of course, but I longed to hold you and enjoy my last few moments with you.
I can't find it in myself to forgive and accept.
As Always Love,
Ashton ♥
