oh, i know that guy

the one who got away

I wasn't exactly sure which story to go with next so I figured another gut punch was in order. Why not rip all the bandaids off so I can get back to the fun, ridiculous stories again. So here is the one about the guy who got away.

Back in the story about my ex-husband I may have mentioned a guy that I connected with but was unable to see it through as I was married at the time. Well, that's the one who got away. He didn't just get away once but our paths have crossed multiple times. Sometimes it's husbands who get in the way, sometimes the timing is off and a time or two one of us fucked it up. Don't worry, I will spill all the sorted details here. I won't pull any punches, not if those punches make me look like not such a nice guy. No one is perfect, least of all me.

So let's go back to the army... I met this guy when I got switched units. My old unit was about to be deployed and I didn't have enough time left in service so I got moved. I made friends with a group of guys in my new unit and we hung out many weekends. That's where I met this guy. We had a cnnection but it's wasn't instant and it wasn't more than friends for a long while. I actually became really close to his sister and I hung out with her more than I did him, to be honest. She was fun, around my age, a normal civilian and a great friend. I sometimes worry that she thinks I was only her friend to get closer to her brother but I was more interested in hanging out with her than she may realize. I needed girl friends in my life. 

At one of these gatherings, things turned a little different. I was beer bonging wine like an idiot and I saw him across the lawn and something was all the sudden different. I saw him in a new light. I don't think anything particular happened but something inside me did. I became a little awkward around him. We didn't cross paths all too often at actual work so I was able to go entire days without having to see him. My husband was in another country and I did not need to be tempted with anything else. Unfortunately, one night I almost was super weak. We kissed but I put a stop to anything more and he was a gentleman, he respected me and never pushed for anything else again.

Years later, after I was out and was moving from the east coast back to the west, to move in with my brother, I stayed at his house again. The psarks were still there but I was travelling with a friend of mine so nothing happened but it reminded me that I wasn't married anymore so I could persue something if I wanted to. We weren't living in the same town though and I was about the push myself straight out of my current hoe phase and become a mormon, more on that later!

Obviously, I didn't know what the future would bring but it felt like not the right time. After I moved back to the east coast, after college and to the guy who would shatter me, I saw this guys again. A mutual friend from the army was getting married in my new state and I received an invite from his soon to be wife, who I met while we were still in the army and I am still friends with today. Seeing him again was kind of heartbreaking, I think for the both of us. We were both with other people and yet again the world had to remind us that we weren't together. 

Again, years passed again before we reconnected. Online. We started communicating again, we were both single and I was living on my own and picking up the peices after not only douchebag broke me but after trying to get back into the dating scene. It sucks out here! He decided to come out and visit me. I wasn't in a very good headspace but I missed my old friend and I thought it might be the universe telling me it was the right time now. Well, this time I fucked it up. He came out for the weekend, we kissed on the second night but I made zero more advances. I was still in a weird place after douche and something about it didn't feel right so I kind of piched him away. It's a regret I still kind of have to this day. He felt rejected and I didn't know how to tell him in a logical way that I just needed a little more time. So he went back home and we drifted apart a little.

We still chatted every once and a while and eventually, I made the move to ask him if I could come u and see him while he was in Nebraska for work. Why else would I go to BFE Nebraska except to confess my undying love and maybe finally have sex with him LOL. Anyways, he agreed and I bought my plane tickets. He had to work that weekend but it was still nice to spend the mornings and evenings with him (even if he smoked stupid cigarettes... ha). And guess what!? We finally did it, after a decade of crossing paths. It was a weird time for me because I was bleeding a lot of times during sex and when I woke up the next morning, there was blood on the sheets! Needless to say, I had to leave the room in the middle of the day so I didn't hav to make eye contact with the maid. 

After that trip, I talked to him almost every day. But I could tell that he was being distant. He has a kid so I was more than willing to move my life closer to him to see if we could work this thing out. And he lives in one of those states that you probably can't point out on the map so it was going to be a SACFRICE.. jk But, things started to become more and more distant and I wasn't about the push. Maybe a should have but maybe it wasn't the timing that was off. Maybe we weren't meant to be ::shrug::

Now he's married and I hope as happy as he looks like he is on social media. I'll just go back to snuggling my cat.