Plumping Up The Professor Part 1: Freshman year

Just Gettin' Started

Sadie and I were making our way back to the car, my sweater looked snug on her, compared to when we walked in the buffet. Weirdest thing was, I was still pondering the possibility that Sadie hadn't used the restroom at all since last night at the dinner party. We were barely out of each other's sight all day today. How was she doing it? because even I wouldn't have been able to hold it this long...

"Hey Sadie bug?"

S: "PPFFFFFTTT SADIE BUG?!"

"Well... y'know it rhymes with Ladybug..."

S: "You're too cute James, what's up?"

"Uh yeah... I'm not sure how to word it so I'll just say it, Have you used the restroom at all today?

S: "Oh, I uh... well... I did sorta pee in the shower this morning, but that's because the water was trickling in places and I couldn't hold it in any longer... I didn't say anything because I didn't want to gross you out.

"I mean it was in the shower so it's not a big deal to me... what about the... other... thing"

S: "James... Are you asking if I took a number two?"

"maybe?"

S: "I don't number two until I'm getting ready for bed, which would be... another... uh, quirk of mine. I know doctors say it's best to do it in the morning but I just find it easier to sleep when I do it at night... can we stop talking about my pooping habits?

"Yeah I'm sorry Sadie, I was just curious."

S: " Thank you... So... moving on, we've had breakfast, we've had a BBQ buffet for a second breakfast... are you putting me on a hobbit feeding schedule or something? what's next, Elevenses?

"I didn't even realize it until you said something, why don't we challenge you to a week of eating like a hobbit, with all seven meals, but the meals are all fattening foods, im talking Bacon wrapped cream filled donuts, mountains of Mozzarella sticks, Deep fried Pizza, Burgers Slathered with cheese sauce, I'm talking big pots of beans that'll leave you feeling like a great big weather balloon!!!

S: "are you trying to make me fat? or turn me into a gassy garbage disposal for food?~"

"...uh..."

S: "I'm just kidding LETS DO IT!!!!"

Sadie cheered loudly before realizing the buffet owner was making his way to us.

D: "Excuse me Ma'am?"

The Owner exclaimed in a Texas Accent

S: "oh good morning Sir... is there an issue?"

D: "Oh goodness no, I'm Daniel, the Manager of the Whole Hog, and I just wanted to say the Appetite I saw you display in there is the best I've ever seen. If You don't mind my asking, could we put you on our Wall of dang?"

"What's the Wall of Dang

D: "Well ya see the Wall of Dang is a wall with pictures of people who have made an impression of some sort in the restaurant. Hell, we even got a service dog on that wall because he saved a child from choking on a piece of steak!"

S: "That is impressive! so what would I be up there for?

D: "Well little lady, you'd be up there for consuming the most food in a single sitting!"

S: "So, I'd be setting a restaurant record?"

D: "Y'know I didn't even think about that! a Record! we can Add a $20 sign up fee to take the challenge, and for every person that fails to beat you, you get $100! we're pretty popular around town. and we'd have plenty of Competition if your ever looking to top your personal best! I don't need an answer right away in fact if you want to reach me, here's my card! Y'all have a blessed Christmas now!"