Turning Tides

17. First Date?

The silence was deafening. 

The lunchroom quickly became an arena for us to do battle. I immediately regretted the outburst because of the possibility that I just erased any progress made with Jayden though he didn't look as bothered as I thought he would. A future politician, no doubt.

He stared at me. "What are you talking about?"

The entire table locked their nervous gazes onto me.

I had to consider the weight of the information I held. I would be an absolutely horrible person to out him, but maybe it would eliminate roadblocks between us... no, I can't be that person. #CancelEllison would not be a thing. 

"You know what I mean," I figured putting the ball back in his court was the best move.

The table shifted their prying eyes to him.

"I don't, but if you'd calm down, maybe we could figure it out," his face started to get a little red, but I was the only one to notice because everyone's eyes were back to picking me apart.

"I... I... are you sure you don't know?" I was scrambling but failing and now my armpits were stinging and dripping sweat.

"I'm certain," he crossed his arms over his body. 

I reached for my phone, and his eyes followed like I was making a move towards a hidden gun. I saw genuine fear them. At that moment, I held his future and reputation in my hand. I could takedown the entire social structure of Kingsley Islan, and he deserved it for doing this to me.

But this is his journey of discovering his sexuality, and I won't ruin it.

"Well, when you texted that I should sit with you guys during lunch so that I wouldn't be alone, I just got excited to have friends," I smiled at him.

The hints of redness in his face vanished, his shoulders dropped, and he unfolded the arms that were holding all of his anxiety in. 

Tate laughed nervously, slicing through the tension.

The table followed suit.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that it meant so much to you. Surely you can understand that I just wanted my best friend to sit with me for our final year of lunches together."

"Yeah... I can understand. Sorry for making it a big deal. I guess I'm just stressed," I felt terrible for becoming just another pawn on his chessboard. I was supposed to be different than everyone else that grew up blinded by his mystique, but within a few days, I was right under his thumb.

"Totally understandable. I'll tell you what, I'll ask Drew's mom to get one of the bigger tables from storage. You'll have a seat tomorrow." 

"Thanks," I said. My face felt frozen in a frown even though I was trying my best to thaw it into a smile.

"I got you, dude," the table started to talk amongst themselves again. In their distraction, he caught my eye and nodded with a smile. He silently mouthed the words thank you.

I didn't reply. I hunched over my lunch while the adrenaline drained out of my body, taking my apetite with it.

Tate was picking apart her pizza rather than eating it. "Wow, I didn't really think you had it in you to snap like that. I always thought you were quiet little Ellison," she dragged a string of cheese across her tray.

My heart was still racing, and my throat was dry from the fight-or-flight response. "Yeah. It happens sometimes because I have a bad habit of letting things build up. I feel so bad for my dad because he absorbs the brunt of my outbursts," My voice came out a little more shaky than I wanted it to.