bungo stray dogs x reader
-i'll write any genre besides smut
-manga/ln spoilers are tagged
-content warnings are also tagged
-cross-posted on my tumblrs
written by angel // @anqelically
series by asagiri + harukawa
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word count: 0.6k content: no manga spoilers, angst prompt: "i can't live without you"
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you never completely understood him.
osamu dazai— an enigma of a man that always kept you on your toes. it was the mysterious air around him that lured you in. his coffee-brown eyes, lacking any semblance of light, guided you through the darkness. and though he led you through it, you knew you'd never escape.
you grew up in the shadows of yokohama. you stole food to get by and manipulated others to get what you needed. being alone starting from such a young age forced you to learn how to fend for yourself, even if the methods weren't ethical.
no one else was there to teach you otherwise.
and even when you were recruited— no, forced into the port mafia, almost no one tried to change your ways. almost. there was someone. he was older than you by a couple of years and already in his 20s.
sakunosuke oda did not kill no matter the circumstances. he was a low-ranking port mafia member who was handed trifling missions. for someone in the port mafia, he was quite strange. and for an organization brimming with odd individuals, that was saying something.
he did not belong in the organization, that was easy to understand. oda deserved much more than to be in the port mafia.
oda was caring towards you. when he started to take care of a couple of children after the dragon head conflict, you were sure that it was just in his nature to try to take care of people like you, orphans who had no one else to guide them.
you knew he tried, that man. yet your soul, wallowing in despair, could only find solace in another who was in the same state. that person was dazai, the boy you met through oda.
he may bleed red, but the crimes he committed are enough to turn the blood running through his veins black. and maybe because the two of you were so similar, you couldn't let dazai go. out of all the people you knew, he understood you the best.
and that's why you couldn't bear to see him leave.
you knew that growing attached to someone like him was a dangerous game, yet you couldn't help yourself. loving dazai was a gamble of its own, and you could feel everything you bet on slipping away.
something else happened that day, the day oda died. you were hurt too, yet you knew there was another conflict within dazai's mind. and whatever it was, you were scared of its effect. because now, a few days later, dazai was going to leave you too. you asked him to stay, but you knew all too well that it wasn't going to happen.
"you can't..." you held the fabric of his black jacket tightly. "i can't live without you. please, please don't leave me behind too."
the alleyway was quiet, and you felt like the walls were beginning to close in. the air was slowly suffocating you as you awaited for dazai's response, hands still tight on his jacket.
"i can't stay in the port mafia anymore," dazai said, his words cutting through the tension. his tone was colder than usual, you noticed. "i can't stay, and you can't leave. this... whatever this is, it isn't meant to be."
his words, short in numbers, were anything but lies. he was right, of course he was. you couldn't imagine a life outside of the one you have now, and that's why you couldn't leave with him. a life of crime is all that you know, so you wouldn't change even if you did leave with dazai.
"but even a cold-blooded killer can change," you can hear oda's voice ring in your ears.
you thought, 'but not me'
your shoulders slumped in defeat, arms dropping to your sides. there was no point in holding dazai back anymore, not when he was willing to try to change. even if there was something special between the two of you, you weren't enough for him to stay. the moments you spent in each other's arms, or the late nights out in the city would never be enough.
you were ready to leave when dazai suddenly wrapped his long coat around your shoulders. you touched the fabric, looking up at him in surprise. although no words were spoken, you knew what he was telling you— a part of him will continue to be with you, even if he does leave.
and in the following moments as dazai walked away, the sky cried with you.
note: the title is meant to translate to "silent goodbye"
