A Silent Lullaby

Chapter 5-In the present

The therapy was a fluorescent beacon of light, a zircon-crammed rainbow, as if it were the end of the rainbow, with a pot of gold at its center.

The compensation for her time and duty was hardly adequate. She had made the decision to leave her prior therapy practice and relocate to Kyre Park. At times, she would ponder why she was here. Why relocate here? Was there a specific cause? Maybe the pay. But consider this: shouldn't there be more to a job than simply earning money? Sometimes, she would ask herself that. Periodically. While it was a halcyon before, it was now...

With the new job, she could still afford the high living costs in the city, so that was a good enough reason to stay. She told herself this falsehood.

Does moving to the same place as a former patient be unethical from a moral standpoint? No. I hardly believe so. Also, it was a coincidence. But she couldn't help but think of his name. But, it wasn't a justification for moving. All she did was think of him. Pondering him.

The minutes till the finish were being depleted as the clock continued to run. While most people would usually count the noises and watch the hands move slowly toward the finish line, such was never the case here. Conversations were always interesting. Every conversation calmed Tammy's nerves as she talked with strangers and shared their worries, hopes, and fears as friends. Time slowed down, as it often did when you weren't following a solitary path.

The therapy room was like an aquarium, an arcane aquarium, a tank of sediments and remnants and echoes, a tank of sound and silence. However, the water was replaced with something else — a thick and glittering tar.

Tammy tapped her filled notepad with the end of her pen.

All scribbles concerning this session; no doodling.

The therapist, Tammy, smelled floral and a little bit sweet, like apple blossoms. It's not the scent of cologne, soap, or body odor; rather, it's the scent of something you want to approach. "Do you wish to learn my initial impression of you upon your first visit?"

Lyn sat here. The air held the faintest scent of rose and lavender, like the memory of a dream. A leather chair, firm but comfortable, welcomed her. A cushion, just to the side, was warm as it lightly massaged her back. The leather of the couch was supple and soft, like a lap blanket.

"Because of anything that happened and something from your past that you weren't proud of, you were hurting within and were reluctant to talk about it. You may still be in pain even though it has been years. On our first meeting, I hazarded a guess: were there issues with Mom or Dad? or either. You're not friends with them. And I sensed that you were going overboard—at times, being extremely cheerful. You tried and continue to do that. And as a result, you started to have low self-esteem; you knew you were below average and tried to make yourself the center of attention despite knowing it. It's not a mystery, but I know exactly what happened, so yes."

Lyn's face exhibited a mix of understanding and nearly perplexity. She reflected that Tammy was nearly incorrect while also being accurate.

Lyn took the statement to introduce a separate sub-topic: "Everyone, in my opinion, has felt life-hatred at some point. And I believe I currently subscribe to that idea."

"Now, why do you attest to such a thing? Is it due to the trauma?"

"I'm not sure—maybe—in part. It's not that I think of them often, I wouldn't even know what to picture. It's just...It seems like a tough scenario to me."

Tammy said, "No I don't think so. I believe that because so many people have told you things about people you don't know, you are overworking your brain by attempting to make it recall things that, even if you tried, you couldn't remember. The more you think about the past, the more it will influence the present and future. not just yours, but also everyone on whom you concentrate. I'm going to share with you something I said to a patient I had before moving here: Only when we are at our lowest point in life can we view the experience of the vast opportunity provided to us."

This was scarcely ever brought up or made clear to her throughout her life. All of the knowledge was brand-new, but is it? Or was it the knowledge that she had consciously retained but disregarded?

Tammy sat watching; the cushions of her chair, a familiar one to her. Telling her of all her years of experience. "It's been a good twenty years, I'll be honest with you. I believe it's time to develop and advance. When you do, you'll be grateful to yourself."