Physical Communication

Chapter 19

“So why were you teaching class today? I figured since the fight and all is over Scout would come back.”

I take a sip of my drink and shrug.

“I offered to keep teaching the women’s course until sometime after the baby comes. I thought he should be home with Serena and going to doctor appointments, not wasting his time with you lot.” I smirk as I tease her.

She hits my arm but I barely feel it.

“See, point proven.” She fake laughs.

“So everything is back to normal?”

It’s a simple question but by the look on her face and the tone of her voice I know she is hinting at something.

“Yeah, I guess.”

I know my answer irritates her and I am happy with myself.

“Come on, tell me what happened Saturday night. You completely disappear on Scout. The atmosphere at the gym when I got there was a lot less hostile today. Oh and let's not forget to mention Adam stayed at your place over the weekend!”

I am caught off guard by that last one.

“How do you know that?”

“Well when I called Cara to hear all about the fight she told me he crashed at your place Saturday afterwards. But that’s all she would say! You can’t give me those kinds of details and then leave me hanging.”

Of course Cara told her. I regret ever introducing those two. The waitress walks up to our table and delivers our food. I nod a thank you before looking up to see Blair still staring me down for answers. I sigh and as I prepare to eat my food I try to come up with those answers.

“After the fight I went to see Adam. When I found him he had a…visitor.”

“Who?”

“His dad.”

She gasps and I look up at her.

“I take it by your response you know about him.”

“He just told me he doesn’t speak to his parents anymore. I didn’t feel the need to ask more but I could tell it wasn't good.”

“Yeah, well it’s really bad. I basically had to throw him out. Adam wasn’t in a mindset to drive so I took him back to my place. I let him crash there for the night.”

“So you two are good now?”

“Yeah.” I shrug. “I guess. We talked. I understand him more now. We are going to try to be friends. I want to help him, he has a lot of unresolved anger.”

I think back to Sunday when Adam and I sat on my couch together. I told him I wanted to be friends. I didn’t want to push him to do anything. I tried to reassure him by accepting his personal decision to basically deny his sexual orientation. Even though it pains me to do so. Then we spent some time watching Rocky movies and eating before he went home. The last two days at the gym together have been nice too.

“How long have you had feelings for him?”

My head snaps up and I look her in the eyes.

“Oh come on, it’s all over your face as you sit here daydreaming.” She laughs.

“Pretty much since the beginning.” I confess.

I look at her, searching for any sign of hurt or betrayal or worse pity. I find none. She just nods.

“I think deep down I knew that. When I found out he was straight I took my chance anyway. I’m sorry. I should have asked you first.”

“I would have told you to go for it. Like you said he’s not interested in me. In fact he hates me.”

I sigh as I remember them together and his reaction to finding out I was gay. Thinking about all of that now that I know everything makes me angry. I push it down because I want to be understanding.

“I don’t think he hates you. Is he a little homophobic yeah but I saw you two working together today. He doesn’t hate you. I think he is starting to see the real you and is slowly able to overcome all that.”

“I hope so…because he’s great.”

“Oh my gosh, are you blushing.” She teases me with a huge grin. “I haven't seen you blush like that since…”

“Don’t.” I snap.

The mood suddenly changes. Her smile falls and she nods before busying herself with her food. I growl at myself for reacting like that.

“I’m sorry. It’s just Adam is not Louis.”

She is quiet for a minute before clearing her throat.

“I don’t want to come off as a bitch but…you are doing the same thing. You told me yourself you get feelings for a good looking, great guy and fall head over heels for him. But Adam is straight just like Louis. It’s only going to lead to heart break. Your heartbreak, just like last time.”

“That’s enough! It’s not the same. You don’t know how I feel. How hard it is to find someone who likes you. You are gorgeous and confident and a straight woman!”

“Please, you have men drooling over you everytime we go out!”

Our raised voices get the attention of other people. I look down at my finished plate, pull some cash out, and lay it on the table. I walk outside and let the cold breeze calm me down. The cold New England winter is just around the corner. It’s not long before Blair comes out the door, putting her credit card back in her purse as she searches for me. She stands next to me but neither one of us says anything.

“Warren, I love you and that’s why I don’t want to see you get hurt. You are a gorgeous, very confident man, you could have any guy you wanted.” She repeats my words back at me.

“No I can’t and that’s the problem. Those guys who dance with me at the bars are usually after one thing. And I get it. I've been there, I’ve been one of those guys, but these days I want more. The pool of gay guys is smaller than the straight one. Then trying to find someone you are compatible with, age, likes, and then adding in wanting to settle down. I’ve had zero luck. And you’re not wrong about Louis but I knew what I was getting myself into. Doesn’t make it any less painful. But Adam…I didn’t ask for. He took me completely by surprise. Even after he called me a fag and told everyone, I was hurt but…I don’t know. I can’t explain it. He just gets under my skin. Most days I don’t know if I want to punch him in the face or pull it in and kiss him”

Blair wraps her arms around me and holds me as she listens. I guess it was nice to finally vent all of that out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I have so much to be thankful for it’s easy to forget all of this. And trust me lately I have been very aware of how lucky I have been.”

Our embrace is comforting as we walk to our cars together. She gives me one tight squeeze before releasing me.

“Well, I have to get home. If I’m not in bed soon, work is going to suck tomorrow.”

I smile at her and nod. We say our goodbyes and I watch her get in her car and drive off before driving away myself. That dinner did not go how I thought it would, but I’m kind of happy with its outcome. I feel lighter somehow.