Physical Communication

Chapter 18

Cara comes out of the guest room. I sit up on the couch, having not slept at all. I look at the time and see it's about seven am. I just sit here and watch her make two cups of coffee and she brings me one.

"Sooo...what happened last night?"

I take a drink and take in its heavenly taste before trying to give an answer without telling her anything Adam doesn't want shared.

"I'm not going to lie when I first saw he was here I thought..."

"I know what you thought."

She laughs at me.

"It's not like that. I was just helping out a friend. Someone showed up after the fight last night and I don't know it messed with his head I guess. I knew I couldn't let him drive home like that so I brought him here."

I shrug and try to play it off as that was it. She just looks at me a small smirk because we both know she knows better.

"We talked about some of it last night. I want to help him. I just don't know how." I confess.

"I think just being a good friend like you were last night is how."

I nod and think about what she said. I can do that. Right? Help him out at the gym, hang out, give him advice and listen like I did last night.

"You really like him."

I look up at her and there's no denying it.

"If I help him I'm going to be the one hurting in the end." I tell her.

"I've seen the way he looks at you. I don't think that's the only possible ending." The look in her eyes shows me so much sympathy and honesty.

I lay back down and sigh. I wish I had her optimism. But she doesn't know what I know. She gets up and goes to the kitchen. It's only a minute or two before Adam comes out of my room. No shirt on. His hair is messy and sticking up in places...it's the cutest thing ever. I groan to myself. He seems a little surprised to see both of us already awake and looking at him.

[Why up so early?]

I reiterate his question to Cara.

"I have to head out if I want to get back in time for church. You two should join me!" Cara smiles.

Adam looks from her to me.

[It's too early, I did not catch all that.]

[She is going to church. She asked if we wanted to go.]

I watch him consider it. He shakes his head no. I picture him back at my family's church and it feels like a lifetime ago when it was actually last sunday.

"Not this time, but thanks." I tell her.

She smiles and nods before grabbing her coffee to go.

"See you two later." She waves, giving me a wink as she walks out the door.

After she is gone an awkward silence settles on us. I clear my throat.

[Coffee?]

[Yes, please.]

I move to the kitchen to make him a cup. Adam sits down at my table. I hand him his cup. I lean against the counter with my own cup. What should I say? Should I bring up last night's conversation or do I wait for him to bring it up?

[Did you get much sleep last night? I could have slept on the couch...you didn't have to.]

[It was no problem. Don't worry about it. Did we wake you?]

[Yeah, but it's ok. Why are you up so early?]

[I could say Cara woke me up but I would have had to fall asleep for that to happen.]

[You didn't get any sleep?]

His face is full of guilt and it twists at my heart.

[I also didn't want to risk you leaving like last time. Then you ignoring me again.]

He stares down at his cup. He is deep in thought and it's driving me crazy not knowing what he is thinking. I won't rush him. I push off the counter and busy myself with cooking some breakfast. Adam doesn't move or seem to be in a rush to leave this morning so I make plenty for the both of us.

After breakfast I excuse myself to my room to shower and get dressed for the day. A part of me doesn't want to leave him alone in fear he might disappear again. I make it quick and my chest literally relaxes when I walk out to find him roaming around my apartment. I walk over to see what's caught his attention.

[It doesn't surprise me you have a record collection but the music choice does.]

I try not to laugh at his comment. The few people who have actually looked through them have always said the same thing. I just shrug.

[What can I say? I have a wide range in my music taste.]

[I guess I figured you for more alternative style music.]

[I do, but I usually save that for the gym. They are on my phone if you were looking for something.]

He shakes his head. He pulls one out and gives me a 'really?' look. I smile and take it from him.

[A group of gorgeous men with voices of angels...who can say no? My mom actually bought me this one. She is one of the few people who gets my diverse taste in music.]

I pull the vinyl out of its sleeve and place it on the record player. I know he can't hear it but it's soothing to my nerves. As it starts playing he turns to look at me. I look at him confused and its his turn to smirk at me.

[I can feel the bass of the drums.]

Of course. I knew that. That's how he is able to dance at the bars. I guess I just didn't think it was loud enough for that.

[I can turn it up, would that help?]

He laughs and shakes his head.

[Not unless you want your neighbors complaining. It's fine.]

[I used to love music. It was one of my few escapes....but really? Celtic Thunder?]

He teases but I can see the sadness slip through.

[I don't know if you noticed last weekend but my family are very proud Irish Catholics. Both sets of grandparents were born and raised there.] I laugh. [What kind of music did you listen to?]

[Gospel and country mostly. I didn't have access to anything else. But I didn't complain. I loved it.]

I nod. I'm not a big country music fan but there are a few gospels in there somewhere. I wish I could share them with him.

Adam goes into my room to clean up and get dressed. As I am sitting on the couch trying to wrap my brain around what is going on when my phone goes off.

Just left Serena's and everyone is worried about you. Check in and calm her worries! If you don't reply I will be banging down your door in 5

I let out a laugh at Blair's text but feel guilty I never told Scout I was back last night. I text her back real fast.

I'm alive. Cara has already left. So there is no reason to drop by.

Ok but you have some explaining to do! Tuesday..dinner after class?!

Sounds good.

I hear the door to my room open and put my phone away. He walks over and sits down on the couch but with plenty of space between us. We both sit here and sigh. We have held off long enough it's time to talk.