In Control (HIATUS)

Ch 20: Home Sweet Home

Azrael pov:

It's been about two months since I've come home. My body took its time healing, the slow process of waiting to be better made me antsy. I guess the torture lasted longer than I wanted it too.

My body had some pain left to deal with along with phantom pain. It's moments where I feel like I can actually feel the pain he inflicted on me. Sometimes there's things that send me into a small panic attack, it's like a trigger that sends me back there.

Me sleeping it off doesn't do any good either. I have frequent nightmares, most that wake me up gasping for air or clutching at my chest. Only problem is when I wake up from them I find it harder to fall back asleep.

The torture, the nightmares, the fear, it all plagued me slowly. The aftermath of Midnight showed more and more over time. His effect wasn't immediate but it was slow and lasting. I guess he got to me a little bit.

As of right now I was up in my study, looking over some notes on him. A couple of them seemed off or new but it must be due to Amelia and Artemis getting new info. It sucks that I haven't seen Artemis in the time that I've been back.

We're rivals and all but I wanted to thank her for helping Amelia and the kids. It helped more than she could know. Hearing something I close my book and walk out of my study. Grabbing a knife from under a sidestand in the hallway I keep myself on high alert.

Moving around the corner quickly I see Amelia with a confused stare. Calming myself down I place the knife down and give an apologetic smile.

"You're awfully jumpy." She kissed my cheek. I sighed and nodded my head, upset with myself at almost hurting her.

"Yeah, sorry. I've been on edge lately." I told her. She nodded and rubbed my arms, offering me a flirty smile.

"I can help you ease down a bit." She husked out, pressing herself closer to me. I missed her a lot, my mind and body aching for her comfort.

"I don't know if I can handle that." I said quietly, feeling ashamed for not feeling up to it and for the filth I carried.

"You don't wanna try at least?" She kissed my neck gently. Grabbing my hands she pulls me to our room, giggling lightly.

"We can but… I just feel dirty." I admitted to her. Getting to our room she moved us to the bed, having me sit down and taking the seat next to me.

"You're not dirty. What happened wasn't your fault. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to." She assured me, cupping my cheek and kissing it.

"I tried… I didn't … They did it anyway. He gave me something to perform. I focused on you, I didn't want anyone but you." I feel my hands shake, my nerves close to coming loose. 

"I know Azy." She holds my hand, brushing her thumb over my knuckles and stopping them from shaking.

I felt a chill run down my spine, looking up I see her kind eyes, the ones I fell in love with. Holding her cheek I slowly lean in, closing my eyes as I kiss her sweetly. I struggle to stay into it, my mind and body wanting to panic from it all.

It didn't feel right, like something was off. She kisses me back eagerly, pushing herself into my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck. I forcefully keep my eyes closed as I kiss her, trying to do it for her sake.

She breaks the kiss for a moment to grab the hem of her shirt and strip it off, showing her body off to me. I admired her soft yet lightly toned body, the scar on her shoulder and body coming to view. I kissed along her scar, earning a gasp and sigh from her.