What was I made for ?..

How could you?

Paris, France (05/03/22)

"You can't be serious?" I shout towards my mother.

"Mila, you will do as I say. Do you want to protect this family? Like I have protected you for the past 10 years!" she exclaims back in my direction.

"You really want to ship me off to some random guy. Mother this is absurd even for you! I have let you control every aspect of my life, I disappeared for you, I don't ever try to fight any of the the choices you've made for me. I left the people and the life I loved for you! I have sacrificed to much of my heart already for you. I will not let you take this choice too". I choke on my words, with my emotions taking over. 

The same feelings that came over me in Monaco those months ago, Im losing control of my body. Its disconnecting from my mind, my breathing increasing again as my mother continues to hurl insults and comments in my direction. 

"Mila, the decision is final..." That was the last thing I heard before my mind went dark.

How could she do this to me ?

Have I not sacrificed everything i've ever loved for her?

Why should I even put up with this? Im 22 years old.

No.

No.

This time I refuse. She has taken everything from me! But not this time! This time I get to chose, she doesn't get to chose who I spend the rest of my life with, she doesn't get to chose the man who I love or the person who I want to father my children. No. Not this time. 

"I refuse, I am not marrying some random man. I don't even know his name mother! Should I even call you a mother." You've never been a mother to me. My Mind now coming back to its senses " You've been raising me like a lamb for slaughter! This is all I am to you isn't it. Im your way out. Im just a possession to you aren't I?!" It's all starting to make sense.

She kept me around Toto long enough so I could experience what love was meant to feel like. Then to snatch me away, to disconnect me from the only reality I know. To make me dependant on her, to make me need her. To make me fear her. Ive been a pawn in her game long before I was even born. I knew I stemmed from a meaningless fling, that she had used me against my father for the whole 12 years that I knew him. I have only just put all the pieces together now, She wanted me to be vulnerable, to have no one but her. That's why she's made my life miserable all these years. My whole life just made sense in this one moment. Ive never been her child. 

Maybe this marriage would be my only way out?.. My way to escape her.

I couldn't go to my father, he probably hates me for everything that she made me put him through. No I can't do that. He's Happy now, He has a beautiful wife, and a son. I can't do that to his family. Would he even consider me family? Do they know about me, like I know about them? Maybe this 'husband' would let me reconnect with my family, maybe he would help me.

There are so many thoughts and possibilities running through my head right now. 

I can't run away, she would just find me like she has every other time.

I can't go to my father for help. He wouldn't even recognise me.

I have no where else to go.

I really have no other choice.

My friends can't help, they fear my mother as equally as I do.

Are they even my real friends? or did she sell me to them too?

I really have no other choice, but to accept. This is my only way out.

I wouldn't be her property any longer I'd be his.

"I accept." I say in a small whisper that manages to escape my mouth.

Moments later...

My mother handed me two files. She already knew I had no choice. I glance over the files to see a name on the front of each one. 

"Read these, you need to study them before tomorrow. We are flying to Italy at 6am so your knowledge best be sharp. Do not disappoint me Mila." Her tone demanding and fuelled with anger.

The first file read 'Mila Belle Wolfe'. That's not my name... There's already a fuck up in her plan.

The Second 'Charles Marc Herve Perceval Leclerc'. WHAT. My eyes glance over the file again, my mind reading the name over and over again. This can't be true surely. Does she know he's a pilot? Does she know that I knew him as a child? or that I bumped into him a few months ago... this can't be true. This can't be happening. She can't ever know, I have been prohibited of stepping foot in Monaco since the day I left. She would kill me if she ever found out.

"Mother my file is incorrect. This is not my surname. Its 'Wolff' or are you now taking my identity too" I sneer at her.

"Mila, you will do as you're told. You will speak only when spoken too. You will reply as instructed and you will behave and act like that file describes you. The client we are meeting tomorrow knows your true name, but your husband can never find out! In a few days you will have a new one anyways." My mothers anger now consuming her tone.

"Fine." That's all I am able to reply. I take the files and lock myself in my room. I open mine first, as I already know a lot about Charles, i've followed f1 secretly behind my mothers back for years, at first it was just feel close to my dad and my past. To feel the thrill of racing again, but then as I got older I started to find a true passion in every aspect, its what help me choose my degree. Once I had started to see the faces of my old friends, I felt connected again learning so much about their lives from a little screen. I hope I cross their thoughts from time to time. From how much detail is in both of these files I can already see my mothers lack of knowledge of our connected past. Let's just hope Charles has forgotten everything too.

I spend all night studying both files, unable to sleep as the time slowly approaches the time in which we had to leave. Through these files I have learnt that we are heading to Maranello, to the head of Ferrari to discuss all contracts, and iron out any details for my 'relationship' with Charles. We are to be wed the weekend before the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix, so we can make our first appearance as husband and wife. The files went into great detail about our secret relationship, saying we kept it private so that I could live a normal life until I had finished my study so Charles could focus on F1 and I could focus on school, without the pressures of the media. 

6am had arrived. My mother was waiting for me in the blacked out car that pulled outside our apartment. Driving us to a private airport in which we bordered a jet to fly off to Italy. Ferrari and my mother really took all steps to ensure this whole agreement was kept hidden. A representative of Ferrari was on the plane with us sent to test my knowledge and to inform me of my last week as a single woman. My itinerary was full off wedding preparations, media training, meeting Charles and creating evidence to support our claims of being together for years. Endless photoshoots and dates to make our story more believable.

We finally arrive in Maranello, and that's when my eyes meet those same green ones which studied my face only a few months ago...