Fear Her Wrath II: Crucible of Glass

Chapter 44

Before you ask, the nab vam was delicious, and the rest of the evening was equally delightful. Honestly, I was really grateful that Ben had asked me to come hang out in Hmong Town. I felt more relaxed than I had in weeks, and the delicious food and wisecracks from Xao and the escalating eyerolls they drew from Bella made me feel... well, almost at home.

But Ben was still being strangely quiet. It wasn't until we said goodbye to Xao and Bella and he walked me back to the subway station that we were able to talk.

"Your cousin is fun," I said off-handedly. "He's a lot like you, but..."

"Less arrogant?"

"And more Hmong. Oh, um, am I allowed to say that?"

Ben chuckled.

"No. But I get what you mean. Depending on who you ask, I'm either too Hmong or not Hmong enough. I just can't win."

"Well, Bella's opinion doesn't count," I said.

"It's not just her. Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to hold onto too much at once. Most people, when they add 'American' to who they are, give up a lot. Language always goes. Some of the traditions do too. I'm already a sellout for going to church—worse, a church with services in English. And going to a school where only 8% of the students are Hmong."

"But you're in the Hmong Culture Club. And you're, like, fluent in Hmong. And you even play that... scythe-shaped flute thing."

Ben tried not to smirk at my clumsy at describing a Hmong qeej. I decided to try another approach.

"Look, Ben, I know I still don't get it, but I'm trying. Really. I'm a slow learner, but... I want to get it."

He slowed his pace a little and looked me over, like he was checking my intentions. Apart from the normal fluttering in my chest I felt every time this handsome boy looked at me like he cared, I kept my composure. I was going to convince Ben I was serious.

"My parents both have college degrees," he said, seemingly out of nowhere. "That's rare. Neither of Xao's parents went to college, and he doesn't plan to either. Compared to my cousins, I spend a lot of time outside of the house doing things I want to do. My parents always said that one of the best things about living in America is that you're not held back by the old way of doing things. You can have a better life for yourself without anyone holding you back."

"But you're always talking about what's best for your clan," I pointed out.

"But that's my choice. It's the right choice, and it's the choice my parents trusted me to make, but it was still what I wanted. You can't walk away from being Hmong. We literally embroider our stories into the clothes we wear. We can't leave them behind. Bella still doesn't get that. She thinks being a Vang is a curse."

He shot me a significant glance, but I was pretty sure he was messing with me again.

"Don't you dare say anything about being cursed with good looks."

"You think I look good?" he said.

I chewed my tongue, but didn't answer. Of course I thought Ben looked good—especially in the warm glow of the street lamps, which seemed to make his dark eyes somehow even more captivating. I wasn't going to flatter him by pointing out the obvious.

"You know, Maggs, you don't have to have me all figured out. I don't have you all figured out, but I know enough to..."

He trailed off, and I thought he looked a little embarrassed. We walked in silence for a while, our shoulders almost touching because we were so close together.

"I trust you, Ben," I said. "I... You know you're basically my best friend, right?"

"I thought that was Mallory."

I hesitated, then shook my head.

"It's you. Is... is that okay?"

We had made it to the turnstiles. This was the appointed place for our parting of ways, but neither of us wanted to go. The people that crowded around us as they scanned their passes and hurried to their trains seemed not to exist. It was just us.

"Guess I'll see you on Monday," Ben said softly.

"Yeah."

I really, really wanted to kiss him. And he knew it. Argh, his stupid, arrogant, gorgeous face and those dark, perfect eyes that were just toying with me. He moved slightly closer.

"Something you wanna say?"

I swallowed.

"N-no. I mean, yeah. Thanks for this. I... Hmong Town is really cool. And so is your family."

"They're alright," said Ben. "You're lucky you don't have to live with 'em."

He was daring me to do it, and I was proud of my self control. I wasn't going to give into Ben Vang. Not yet. Not because I didn't like him—really, I liked him a little too much, and I wanted a few days to clear my head. I was about 98% sure that being Benedict's girlfriend would be the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me, but... well, there was that 2% telling me that I was just rebounding from Simon, and superheroes probably shouldn't have boyfriends anyways, and I would probably ruin his life just like I ruined Simon's. So, I didn't kiss him. Okay, so I kissed him on the cheek as we said goodbye, but I still considered that an act of herculean self-restraint. As I rode the subway back to Joplin Heights, my thoughts were full of Ben and the other world he lived in. It wasn't perfect. It couldn't be. But with the way Ben talked about his family, and joked with Xao and Bella, it felt perfect.

I couldn't help but want to be part of that.