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˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ ᰔᩚ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚
Shit.
It was a word that was fitting for my whole situation. For the way I buried myself in this shit hole, for the way I let my desire more reins over me than I ever intended to give. I can literally feel my books back home judging me, they were my doubtful thoughts.
And I have every right to doubt. In the end, he's a damn killer, a serial killer. I don't want a serial killer feeling for me anything other than their natural lust to kill. It's a dangerous and thin ice I'm dancing on, and I'm dancing on it with pretty skates.
Knowing me, I'll act surprised as soon as I hit a weak spot and get swallowed by the water whole when I knew exactly what I'm getting myself into.
It's the dumb main character syndrome acting up, only to get the plot going. Seems pretty much like it since I'm shamefully thinking about his heavy breathing, and how it would sound like if his mouth would be right next to my ear.
It's for the plot, Esmeray, chill.
Cactus escorted me, like the gentleman he is, and once we arrived to the hall, he pushed me in and I nearly stumble over my feet. I knew he had a soft spot for me.
I grin my thought away, and once I hear a relieving shout, I knew my entrance didn't go unnoticed. My friend jumped from his bed and rushed to me with dried tears staining his cheeks.
„I thought you didn't made it!" He cried in my shoulder once his arms were slung around me, holding me tight to him as if he's afraid I'm going to be taken away from him any second now.
My arms return his loving act, rubbing my hands over his back soothingly. „I just had to use the restroom after the game. I'm here." I reassured lowly, hating that I'm lying to him.
But I just don't want to share that with him. I know he'll be just as disgusted as I am, and I don't want to see this expression on his face. It's for my own selfish sake.
His arms tightened by my statement, and I close my eyes. I don't remember where I was hugged the way I'm embraced right now, I don't remember the last person who worried so much over me.
I want to drink this moment up as if I didn't drank for days, but since I long didn't felt so cared for, I have to re-learn how to receive it without feeling like my presence is a burden. I have to re-learn how to let someone care for me without feeling the need to ask if they have enough energy to do so.
I have to learn how to take up space, because I deserve to leave a strong picture in the world. I have to learn how to be visible instead of constantly trying to be invisible.
Ali pulled back, his dark eyes moving over my face, and his face changed. He looked like a wilting flower who found enough light to blossom again, with a new hope and life inside him.
