take me to church (emily prentiss)

3. two

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"it's just like seeing her for the first time again." - for the first time, mac demarco

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Liv sat in her seat on the plane, fingers twisting her hair into little braids as she listened to a medical talk about radiation therapy for brain tumours through one headphone. Delilah sat beside her, staring out of the window.

"Are you scared?" Delilah asked.

"Terrified. You?" Liv asked, tugging her headphone out to pay attention to Delilah.

"Shitting bricks," Delilah said. "I have a weird feeling, Liv."

"Weird how?" Liv squinted. "Weird, like, we're about to stare our dead brother's mini me in the face and potentially invite him to live with us? Or weird, like, your profiler senses are ringing?" she whispered.

"First one," Delilah whispered.

"It'll be okay," Liv said, squeezing Delilah's hand. "I'm scared, too."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," Delilah sighed, squeezing Liv's hand. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always," Liv said.

"Did you ever, like... Process what happened to you?" Delilah whispered.

"What happened to me?" Liv blinked. "Did I forget-"

"No," Delilah said, shaking her head. "I mean... Did you ever process your childhood? Your teenage years? Your trauma?"

Liv felt like her brain did a screenshot.

Going away to college had relieved a lot of stress, and she'd done therapy for a while on campus. Things had gone awol when Delilah had disappeared, and Liv had gone about two years before Dave stepped in and sent her back to therapy to deal with her issues.

She'd never told Delilah she went to therapy. She didn't want Delilah blaming herself for Liv's pain, because none of it was Delilah's fault. There wasn't enough room in their house for a second hazard.

"I mean," Liv said. "Yeah. Time heals all wounds."

"That's bullshit," Delilah sighed. "It doesn't matter."

"You sure?" Liv raised an eyebrow. "Something bothering you?"

"Spencer and I were talking before," Delilah said, "And he asked if you'd ever processed your childhood. And I was thinking, and I don't remember you ever putting yourself and your problems first. It's always been me who comes first," Delilah said.

Liv laughed, rolling her eyes as she nudged Delilah in the side.

"It's my job to put you first, shithead," Liv said.

Delilah sighed and shook her head.

Liv stared at her for a few seconds. Delilah may be a profiler, but Liv knew her sister inside and out, and she knew what Delilah was thinking without her ever having to say it. She knew Delilah was blaming herself for things right now, and she knew it wasn't Delilah's fault.

Liv had a lot of resentment towards the adults in her life putting her in the position where she had to raise her sister. She resented her mother for using enough drugs to send her into early heart failure by the age of thirty two. She resented Delilah's father for being evil incarnate. She resented Eli for abandoning them to do it alone.

But she had never once resented Delilah for it, even when some would see Delilah as nothing more than a burden Liv was forced to bare. Was she still considered a burden when Liv had stepped up of her own accord? Was she still considered a burden when she was Liv's baby sister?