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I leave my loved ones behind as we're escorted to a limousine. A cameraman ishiding on the floor of the car as we slowly drive to Slasher's mansion where a portion ofthe show is to be filmed. The two other contestants are elated talking among themselvesabout how exciting this is, Elliot's hooded gaze remains fixed on me, "We're not done,"he informs me quietly, but not quietly enough. The two girls and the camera man looksover at us. I shrug at them as though I'm clueless. I don't want to be left alone with himwhen we get there, I'll do whatever it takes. It seems like ages, but we finally pull up tothe gates. The driver opens his window and speaks into the intercom and they magicallyopen for us.We drive up the curved stone driveway to the front majestic entrance, he is so rich.Cedars lining the driveway, woods behind the house, the grand wooden mahogany door,no expense spared, "I've never been here," I say awestruck."I bought it with you in mind," he whispers. The other two didn't hear, if they had Iwould probably be ejected from the show. I turn away from him and leave the car, I feelthe cameraman's eyes on my butt. The next scene that's recorded is of us beingwelcomed to the mansion by Slasher as we sip champagne in celebration. We areshowed our rooms told to act giddy and bubbly. The other two are sharing a room, I'mthe lucky one with my own, but there's a reason, and I know why.The nightside table in the room has an agenda and a list of rules. You are prettymuch a prisoner in your room unless they are filming. Luckily my room has it's ownbathroom with a shower, and a mini fridge. I'm tired, so I turn the lights out and try tosleep. I know they can be recording me at anytime, I hope I don't snore or fart when Isleep, but I can't control that, so whatever. I hope to dream about Leonardo butunfortunately it's John, he was never injured, he comes back to me while I live in mylight blue siding bungalow with white picket fence. I answer the door assuming it's aJehovah's witness or something and I see his face feeling Leonardo standing behind me.The look of shock on John's face that I've moved on is destroying as I toss and turn. I situp in bed startled at the immeasurable guilt I have just for that dream alone and I get outof bed and start pacing. That's when I hear the footsteps, slight knock on the door, andthen Slasher's shaded figure.

I stand frozen in my see through nightgown, I know he can see my silhouette."Slasher!""Stop acting like we don't' have a history, I'm Elliot to you."I don't respond, just return his stare."I've missed you," he says advancing on me."I should have been with John when I was with you, you have no idea how muchguilt I feel." I confess."You love me," he says confidently. "You always have, you never would have beenwith me if things were okay with you and John and you know it.""I was just starstruck," I minimize."Bullshit!"He goes to kiss me but I fight him off. I feel vulnerable, and weak. His presencefills the room, his musky scent weakens me more, "Get out!" I growl. "It's not mutual,and I will never go back. You advance on me and I'll make sure it becomes a completemedia circus, now leave!"He backs away from me like I've burned him, "You don't know what you're saying,you're still grieving.""No I'm not," I correct, "I've moved on!" Those three words don't even convince meas he reaches the door and flee's the room. I decide on a shower, like water is going tofix everything including my restlessness but it doesn't and I try to go back to sleep butI'm ruined.We are brought in one by one into a room that has a grand piano and microphonesand lights everywhere. You can tell that it's not normally this kind of room, it wasconverted for the show. Slasher is giving us a singing lesson, this is going to berecorded. His mood is flat and I can tell he's angry. He plays a song and I'm expected tosing. Luckily he's given me the words, because I don't know this particular song byheart.His advice is cutting, he's being super-critical, "Try it again."He restarts the song and I try harder this time than the last. My voice soundsstrained, I can tell he's hearing it. He looks at me critically and then demands, "Again."

getting angry, he gets up and throws the music sheets down, "We're done here, keep thisup and you're going to lose the record deal.""I never knew it was mine to lose," I call him out."It won't be," he barks and that's the last I see of him until judgement time.Unfortunately, I feel this is my second occasion for THAT.We gather outside by the pool, it's evening now. We are expected to sing, they canprobably hear us from Yonge Street, because we're using microphones. Neighbours arestanding on their balconies listening to us. My heart isn't into it, but I know it has to beso Slasher/ Elliot is now John. I'm singing to the ghost of the love of my life, and whatwas pitchy earlier, is now pitch-perfect. My competitors eyes fill with tears, Elliot's eyeschange to black cesspools of jealousy as I belt it out until then there's two, and I'm oneof them.