the gloomy days was irritating her orbs brown eyes, she spent her whole afternoon locking herself in her office thinking that it would help her ease the pain that engulf her. how can she come this far, she barely even know herself anymore. yesterday she just grieving from the pain and the unstoppable mourning eachday that's shattering her but now. she's now locking herself in her office fidgeting everything, throwing her vases and tearing the papers infront of her. a tears came down from her eyes.
"i'm not this"
"live by your own irene"
"stopped!!!"
"live to your own world where my existence doesn't matter anymore"
"oh fuck!!! stopped"
"because i'm dead irene"
"i said stopped!!! putangina tama na" the shattering glass was everywhere, the laptop was now broken. the papers are scattered everywhere but none of that matter because she knows herself was breaking too, she looks outside. how can world be cruel to her.
"irene!!" then yenny ran towards her and about to hug her when she took a step away from yen.
"don't come any closer" then she sighed shooking her head, she doesn't want anyone be close to her again because everytime someone gets closer to her they got doomed and she doesn't want that to happen anymore. she's tired of changing how will so woke up for every day, she's tired of changing her lifestyle because someone left her again.
she's tired
"irene!!" then yenny took another stepped but like what irene did earlier she took a step away from yenny
"what's your problem! we cant talk irene" yenny added, she doesn't want to see irene like this.
"i don't want to talk, i need you to leave me alone"
"i won't do that irene, not when your hands are bleeding" irene was preoccupied not realizing that the blood was now all over the floor because it's keeps dripping down from her palm, she can't feel the pain. she can't feel nothing but a regret that rattling on her heart.
she didn't mean to do that to greggy, she was hurt and she don't know what to do. she didn't intend to hurt greggy she just thought that was the only way for her to cut ties between her and the pain that may cause to her.
but she wasn't right, she was blinded. she thought she keeping herself away from pain yet she just keeping herself alone, she was now alone and she can't stand seeing herself being weak.
"what happened" it just a 2 words but she feels like a thousands words that already slapped her. she don't know what's happening to her, and she probably don't know what can may happen.
-
yenny cleaning the wounds in irene palm in a very softest way trying to avoid hurting irene.
"i regret everything yen. i didn't mean to break up with him, i was lost in control" a tears that keeps dripping down from her eyes was the sign that she was hurted but she hurt herself more when she pushed greggy away from her.
-
"greggy i'm okay"
"can you still hear yourself baby. you're not okay"
"and who you are to tell me that greggy!! are you the key of my heart? are you the thief who stole the information of my heart? are you the god huh? are youuu??? fucking answer me greggy"
"i'm not irene!! I'm not!!! because goddamnit i am your boyfriend and i want you to be safe. i want to save you from what you've thinking, i want to stop you from putting yourself into the situation you know it will hurt you"
"i was born carrying the pain greggy, i was born with this miserable fucking life and you will never change that"
"ofcourse i will never change that irene cause i'm not your past. i am your future, we've been striving for this irene. you and me together and i really really need your help for me to be able to help you baby"
"i don't need no one's help greggy"
"don't create things you know you will get into trouble after irene, i love you and you know that. i will be here to listen but how could i do that when you don't want to talked about everything? i thought we are partner? you shouldn't be fighting alone irene. i am here, i am here for you and i don't know what to do for you to realize that i'm here, i'm always here for you"
"you don't understand me greggy"
"then let me understand you, explain it to me irene and i wouldn't get tired to listen because i want to understand you, i wanted to hear you. i wanted to feel you because i miss you irene and i'm so so tired for fighting this alone, i can't fight for this alone irene because i need you"
"stop fighting then greggy"
"what"
"don't act like you didn't hear me"
"ofcourse i hear you irene but i cannot understand what your saying, what do you say"
"lets end this"
"no irene, baby no"
"you've told me greggy you're tired fighting this alone that's why i'm giving you chance to find another battle where you can have your partner without being emotionally absence because i can't fight either greggy when my partner was now slowly losing interest for our battle"
"no baby please---"
"we've been come so far greggy and i'm also tired but i never let you feel that because i was so blinded by the idea that you will never get tired of me but i guess love is bullshits"
"don't do this"
"i need to do this, forget me greggy"
-
she knew in herself she didn't mean all of that, she lost her control and she was panicking to handle the situation so she let her ego speak for her but she already regretted everything, she can't ran away from the truth that greggy is the only man she ever loved.
she love Greggy so much that she's willing to kneel infront of greggy just to have him back again.
sometimes regret was canvasing on the eyes of person when you already murdered someone with your own word.
"own him again irene, don't be too hard for yourself. let go let go din pag may time" irene wiped her tears and meet the gazes of yenny.
"i know yen and i promise you, i will get him back again and once i do that. i will let go the memories that brutally killing me for the sake of our relationship"
