2001 (29 years old)
The next few days went into the new year and Michael and I didn't speak of what happened between us on my living room sofa. Somehow Sasha sniffed out a situation between us. She pulled me to the side during a studio session to investigate. "Ok, what the hell is going on here?" She asks in a demanding tone. "Huh?" I ask. She puts her hand on her hip and scrunches her face. "I don't know what you're talking about Sasha." I shrug. "Please Jayla, it's so obvious.." She rolls her eyes. "If it's so obvious, why are you asking?" I snicker. "I want you to confirm it." She points. I begin to stutter. "Sasha, listen okay.." Sasha's mouth dropped and she began jumping up and down. "Oooohhhh" she yells. "I knew it! I knew it! Yall did it!! I knew it was coming. Didn't I tell you?" She continues. I roll my eyes and attempt to shush her. "Yes you told me!! But please keep it under wraps ok??" "Ima keep it in the closet" she joked. "Oh shoot. You cheated on Brian."
Her face became serious. She gives me a hug. "I'm so sorry Jay, this is not funny." I give a heavy sigh and drop my head lowly. "God, I feel terrible. I'm torn between these two men. I love Brian so much.. SO MUCH. But I can't let Michael go. My love for him is way too deep.. I realize I need him." "Jay, you need to go with your heart. I know it sounds corny but you do. You need to figure out what you want because sooner or later one of them will get sick of being strung along." Sasha takes on a stern voice and gives me a long look then walks out. I follow behind her slowly, fixing my face and sit back in the studio next to Michael.
"Yeah, that sounds great." Michael says to the producer. I could tell he was excited about this album. We were due for a release in early October 2001 which was only 8 months away. "You ok?" He leans over and whispers in my ear. I give him a small smile and nod as we listen to a track we recorded called "You Rock My World." Preparing it for a single release. "Thank you so much, Darkchild. This track is awesome.." I smile as we all file out of the studio. I feel Michael's hand around my arm giving me a slight tug. "Hey.. You look so distracted..are you sure you're okay?" He asks. "I'm fine Mike. I'm just thinking about some stuff." I try to pull away, but I know Michael won't let that fly. "Like? Tell me..." He brings my body in front of him looking down at me. I wanted to tell him but I needed to figure out what I wanted to do first. "Michael... I can't right now. Just give me a couple days." I manage to pull away and contemplate my decision during the car ride home. The guilt was all over my face. At this point there was no hiding it, I'm pretty sure Brian knew what happened, he just needs me to tell him.
I open the door to Brian feeding my babbling, 4 month old, baby girl. She kicked and giggled as I walked in the room, instantly brightening up my day. "Is that mommy?" Brian said to Angel in a silly voice. I giggle at her smiles. Brian wipes her mouth and gives her a kiss on her cheek, lifting her out of her chair to give to me. "Hello mama!" I say goofily smooching Angel. I look at Brian as he kisses my cheek and hugs me from behind. It causes me to think, how could I ever have cheated on him. This was my family. I loved them. I hand Angel back to Brian and head to my room. I lay in bed and cover my head with a pillow. My head was spinning with so many thoughts. "Baby..Michael called a little before you got here, he said he thinks there's something wrong?" He sits next to me laying a hand on my back. "Why would he say that?" I sit up slowly, trying to fake my confusion. "I don't know, he said you looked like you had a lot on your mind. Is everything ok?" He asks again. I give a heavy sigh. Damn it Michael. "No." I say shortly, breaking my eye contact with him. Brian furrows his brow. "Well? What's wrong?" "Michael and I.." I hesitate. I feel his hands lift from my back and I hear him sigh deeply. "We... We had sex. " my eyes scrunched as I made my confession. I look at my heartbroken boyfriend as he looks at the floor. "Ok..." He says softly. "Brian I am so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, I never thought he and I would ever-" I began pleading. "Do you still love him?" His demeanor is calm and he's staring at me with so much heart break. I couldn't bear to see him. I look at my twiddling thumbs. "Jayla? Do you still love him?" He repeats. I sigh. "I do.." He heaves a heavy sigh running his hands on his scalp. "Damn it Jayla..how do you do this? I want to hate you so bad right now..but I can't not love you... Why would you even jeopardize our family like this? Is Angel even mine? How long has this really been going on?" "She's yours, this was after she was born. It only happened once I swear. Brian I am really sorry." I say wiping tears. "We need a break. I need a break..I'll be in my old apartment for a while." He gets up and grabs his clothes. I couldn't find the energy to beg him to stay. I was breathless. "Brian. Please.." I say sobbing. He walks out the room and I hear my front door slam. My sobbing became heavier as the day turned to night. I took Angel to my mothers house to set my head straight. I knew who I needed, I just didn't want to go to him.
"This is so dumb" I whisper to myself. I check my watch and see the time at 2:45 in the morning. I give the door three more hard knocks. Finally the door swings open. "Jayla? What's up? It's almost 3 am..." Michael answers sleepily. He sees my dry red eyes and wakes up. "What's going on? Are you ok?" "Brian left me..." I sniffle. He gives me a look of sadness and grabs my hand pulling me inside and into his arms. I feel his arms wrap around me, tightening his hug. His big hands rub my back in comfort. Resting his chin on my head he rocks my body as if rocking a child. "I'm sorry baby.." He says kissing my forehead. Michael holds my hand and leads me to his guest room next to his room. "If you wanna stay in here, you're more than welcome..but you know there's always room in my bed for you." He says sweetly. He knew I wanted to be with him, but he knew I needed him to be supportive. I lay in the guest room still replaying the events that took place between Brian and I. It was like the crying never ended. I had known for a long time Brian and I weren't meant for each other, I just couldn't come to blows with it. I hear my door crack open and see Michael's silhouette walk in. I try to stifle my cries as he slides in the bed with me and pulls me into his warm embrace. I bury my face into his chest and fall asleep. It seems like my decision was made for me.
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You Are My Life
Fanfiction"If you would've told me at 13 that this would be my life, I would have never believed you..."
