Fateful Turn

I want to protect you

Wei Wuxian blinked once. Twice. And a couple more times. "Go back with you to Gusu?"

Lan Wangji nodded, looking expectantly.

Wei Wuxian sat up abruptly, frowning. His tone was somewhat bitter as he spoke, "Do you still wish to denounce me, Lan Zhan?"

"No! I never wish to do that." Lan Wangji propped himself up as well. He reached out his hand and pressed his palm softly on Wei Wuxian's cheek, "My reasons are selfish. I want to protect you. Keep you safe."

The soft tone and gentle touch of Lan Wangji's fingers against his face sent a little thrill up Wei Wuxian's spine that was hard to ignore. It seemed like Lan Wangji wanted to keep him safe in a way that could not be denied. His gaze softened, leaning slightly onto the hand that gently caressing the side of his face, "How about before? When you asked me the same question?"

"Same intention. For your protection. Not to punish." Lan Wangji stated earnestly.

Knowing Lan Wangji, Wei WUxian knew that he would not lie. "So, I misunderstood you that time?" He sighed heavily, leaning forward until his forehead touched Lan Wangji's. His voice was quiet when he spoke again, "I guess I should have seen it sooner," he chuckled softly into their shared space, "Honestly, I thought the worst of you... until now. I'm sorry ."

"It's okay. Don't apologize." Lan Wangji shifted slightly so that his lips pressed against the crown of Wei Wuxian's head. He continued to speak in an even tone, "Wei Ying..." his free hand lifted to card through Wei Wuxian's hair. It was soft, silken under his fingertips. "You're very important to me. I would never wish for you to be harmed."

And maybe if it hadn't been for the slight tremble of emotion that had overtaken Lan Wangji's voice, Wei Wuxian wouldn't have realized what Lan Wangji was referring to. But there it was. A faint hint of vulnerability behind those words.

"Do you still think that my cultivation is wicked?" Wei Wuxian whispered. He pulled away from Lan Wangji, but left both hands on his shoulders. Their gaze locked together, eyes bright with unshed tears. His fingers were shaking ever so slightly in Lan Wangji's embrace. "Do you think I'm evil too?"

"No." Lan Wangji shook his head fiercely. "Wei Ying... It's not like that."

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes, tears spilling over. The dam had been broken. There was no stopping them anymore. "But I am."

He laughed humorlessly, "Everyone says it." The laughter died quickly in his throat. His breath hitched at a particularly sharp sob. Tears streamed down his cheeks unabated.

"Wei Ying, please do not cry." Lan Wangji took Wei Wuxian's hands in his own and squeezed them, squeezing hard enough to hurt. "I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to upset you."

And Wei Wuxian still couldn't stop crying that he hardly breathe between sobs.

"Please." Lan Wangji tried again. His voice cracked, breaking. He pulled the man in a tight embrace and rubbed his back, trying to offer some comfort. "You are not evil, Wei Ying. I never thought so."

Wei Wuxian wrapped his arms around Lan Wangji as best he could and sobbed into his shoulder. They stayed there for several minutes, as Wei Wuxian finally regained control of himself. He then looked Lan Wangji in the eyes, still sniffling, "Oh no, look at us. Now, we are both filthy, " he said, noting the stickiness that spread across the abdomen of both of them, "What a mess. Let's clean ourselves up, hm?"

"Mn."

The two men cleaned themselves up at the stream nearby and dressed up without their inner robes which were stained by their previous activity.