Revealed Feelings

Chapter 20

This chapter contains mature scenes, read at your own risk.

JIN POV

I was outraged and got up from the bed. "ME? Why me? I even agreed to this absurdity of you fucking with her in our room. Huh? Why is it my fault? I demand an explanation!" Before I knew it, I was making a scene.

He started laughing uncontrollably, sitting on the bed, wiping tears of laughter.
"I have to be honest, I missed your dramatic ass."

I stood there, wide-eyed, hands on my hips, still waiting for an answer from him.

"Do you really want to know why?" he said, now standing up as well.

"I do!" I retorted, a bit softer.

"The reason I didnt fuck her, it was because it was supposed to be you in her place." His eyes were fixed on me. "She's a nice person, and it wouldn't have been fair for me to sleep with her while thinking of you," he said, walking towards the mini-fridge, opening a beer, and sitting back on the couch.

My eyes followed him as I tried to process everything that was happening. "It doesn't make any sense... You've been ignoring me all this time..." I muttered to myself, but apparently, he heard.

"Yeah, I've been ignoring you all this time because I really wanted to move on from you, hyung..." He sighed deeply, finally opening up his heart.

"What do you mean?" I lifted my head and looked in his direction.

"At the hospital, when I asked why you saved my life, you said you loved me, like a brother.
When I heard that, I realized you weren't really interested in me, and I didn't want to continue deluding myself, thinking that if I tried to make you jealous or even touched you more, you would give in and fall in love with me.
So I decided to distance myself and try to forget you, which hasn't been easy at all."
He took another sip of beer, and like someone pouring sand onto the ground, he was pouring out his feelings in that moonlit room.

"I opened up to Tae and Jimin, told them everything that happened between us, and they insisted I talk to you, but I didn't want to be a burden in your life anymore.
So that day when Mung-te came to see me, I asked about Seyon.
She had been crushing on me for a while, and I thought it might be worth a shot.
So I started talking to her, and it worked for a while, but when I finally managed to kiss her and go further, your face, hyung, kept appearing in my mind, and I realized that even if I wanted to move on from you, I couldn't, not with her..."
He finished, now staring fixedly at the beer in his hand.

His words echoed in the room, laden with sadness and regret. I listened attentively, feeling the anguish and internal struggle Jungkook had gone through. Frustration and concern were evident in his voice.

"You're an idiot, Jungkook. You should have talked to me..." I vented, frustration and concern evident in my voice too.

"What did you want me to do, Jin hyung? You made your decision clear from the start, you didn't want anything with me." His expression was a mix of sadness and anger, mingled with relief for finally speaking the truth. 

"I was here all along wanting you, and you were avoiding me, and when I finally accepted your will and gave up on you, you get mad at me. Honestly, I don't know what you want from me."
He finished his beer, stood up, went to the mini-fridge, grabbed another can, opened it, and started drinking.

"I understand how you felt, but don't you think it's unfair to ignore me all this time without even telling me why? I tried to talk to you several times, and every time, you ignored me."
My eyes were now welling up with tears, and I swallowed my emotions.