Personal notes to anons who may never see them

0.0.0

It has been a few days since I took a chance. I moved over 1000 miles to be with the woman I have loved for over a year. The woman that has helped and valued me, and that I have returned the favor to. I can breathe again. I feel like the smoke that wouldn't leave my lungs and felt like fire, tightening my chest with such ferocity I was constantly fighting for breath, is gone. All of the trouble I was having with my demons and my depression is gone. I'm sure it will come back, it tried a couple times, but in all honesty I'm much better equipped to handle it now. It was hard, the first day was incredibly overwhelming as the summer heat made it hard to think and the fear of being in a new place coursed through me. Now however, I am almost at a state of ease. I am still working on unlearning a lot of my old anxious habits, a lot of things that this family doesn't understand or make sense of. I am working on being more honest with my backstory and telling the events exactly how I remember them unfold. I am working on being better than I ever could have been before the move, and I almost have it. I have a job, a family, and I'm starting my life in a place where no one knows my past. Nobody has to feel bad for me and no body knows what I have been put through. Its a clean slate, and I couldn't be happier. Even with this being a new place, I fit here. I don't feel afraid to be who I wanna be and I don't feel like I have to create a persona of what everyone around me wants me to be. For once, I feel comfortable enough to be myself and truly grow as a person. I'm still learning, and I know I have a lot to go, but honestly I am really lucky for this chance to start over and live a better life. I am leaving my past behind to create a better future, not only for her, but for me to. I am finally becoming who I want to be, I am finally free. I am finally, truly, happy.