my drug (oitnb//nicky nichols)

chapter 30

i didn't know what day it was, i didn't know what time it was... not even if it was day or night. i felt like i was awake for days.. no sleep. they gave me food, i refused to eat. they let me shower, i just stood under the cold water. i was numb. i was betrayed. i knew it was to good to be true, you don't have a family in here and i was to stupid to fall for it. these people weren't my friends, and nicky sure as hell wasn't my wife. she's nobody to me. she doesn't love me, i was stupid and fell for it.

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"do you really think that was what's best for her? you could've talked to me first!" red was arguing with nicky. they were in the kitchen with nobody else

"ma! she was cutting herself! what was i supposed to do, just let her?!" nicky yelled back

"you should've talked to me first. she's my family to!"

"she my wife!"

"go. get away from me."

"whatever." nicky stormed out of the kitchen to find luschek. she walk up to him and whispered.. "how is she?"

"she doing better." he lied to her, nicky was a mess and he felt like being a good person for once in his miserable life

"thanks." nichols replied

he nodded, then cleared his throat

"how long until she's back?" she asked

"it's only been a few weeks."

"okay but you said she's better... so why isn't she back."

"just let me do my job. i'll see what strings i can pull"

nicky nods, then walks back to her bunk. she was bored, didn't know what to do with herself. she paced back and forth wondering if she did the wrong thing. she continued to remind herself she did the right thing, she helped. she did what she thought was right.

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i was alone with my thoughts. i was starving. maybe if i didn't eat they would have to let me out, i kept telling myself that. i read the same magazine hundreds of times, my eyes were heavy. it was getting hard to stay awake but i couldn't let myself sleep. the food slot of my cell door opened, but i wasn't getting food. it was luschek.

"hey kid, how's it going in there?" he asked

"fuck off." i responded, annoyed

"you look like a skeleton, eat."

"let me out and i will."

"what if i get in some snickers bars? will you eat?"

i nodded. "how're you gonna do that?" i asked "and why would you do that?"

"i have my break in 10. i'll grab a couple from the store. i told nichols you were better, can't have you coming out of here looking like a skeleton."

"i'll take the candy, but you can tell nichols to go fuck herself."

"i'll be back in 20 minutes with candy."

he closed the food slot and walked back to the main floor of the prison, walking up to nicky.

"she said she misses you and she's sorry." luschek told nichols

that made her feel better, even though it was a lie.

luschek kept his word, he brought back 3 snickers bars. they tasted so good. "this is the first thing i've eaten since i've been down here... how long has it been?"

"almost 2 weeks." he responded "they giving you water?"

"yeah. i mean i've been drinking some of it. but i won't eat that shot they're serving me. it's even worse then what they're serving upstairs. can you believe it?"

"crazy stuff."

"when am i getting out of here?.." i asked, curiously

"are you gonna cut yourself if i let you back upstairs?"

i shrug. "probably not."

"then i'll see what i can do."

"what time is it?"

"it's almost 2pm."

i nodded.

i knew he had to go back upstairs. once he did i didn't mind. i got candy so i was happy enough, and maybe... just maybe i'll be out of solitary soon.