my drug (oitnb//nicky nichols)

chapter 11

it had been strictly long sleeves and hoodies, no sex and no bare arms. i didn't want the family knowing i had fucked up again. I couldn't hurt them like that again, i saw how much pain they were in the first time i was in medical and hurt me more.  Red couldn't get time in the common room for the party nicky wanted for me so red, nicky, me, alex, lorna, piper and boo all sat in reds cube. Red didn't have a buddy to share her cube with so the extra bed was there. Poussey had some hooch that she gave to us out of kindness, she knew what it was like having her friend in the shu  and finally getting them back.

I sat next to nicky, against the wall on the floor. She had her arm rested across my shoulder and i was rested myself against her.

"i'm glad to see your doing well darling" red said, handing me and nicky the bottle of hooch. Nicky took a swig of it before she handed it to me. It was in an empty 2 liter bottle, it was a little more than half filled so it was kinda heavy. I struggled to hold it, nicky helped me and i took a big drink from the bottle.

"you ok kid?" nicky asked, concerned

"yeah i'm okay nicky. my arms are just weak, not sure why." i told her

The bottle of hooch was passed around as all of us hung out and talked in reds cube. I looked over at boo who was staring at my sleeves. I didn't realize that there was blood on the cuff of my sleeve.

"i need to go to the bathroom. i'll be back." i told everyone, nicky let go of me. I got up and i left the cube.

"you know she did it again, don't you?" boo said

"what are you talking about? she's fine." nicky argued

"i told her to come to me if she does, and she hasn't." red told boo

"her sleeves seem extra..puffy." boo said

"fuck man! how did i not ducking catch this?!"   nicky got up and chased after me into the bathroom.

i looked in the mirror and i splashed my face with cold water, i wiped my face with my sleeve as nicky walked in. She was upset obviously, she grabbed my shoulders and pushed me into a stall, locking the door behind her. I didn't fight back, i didn't care.

"nicky stop it, that hurts. fuck you've got a tight enough grip!" i pushed her hands off of my shoulders.

nicky stood silent. she didn't say anything, she just started at me with her arms crossed and tears in her eyes.

I never realized how small the stalls were, smaller then the stalls in a school bathroom or public bathroom. I couldn't look nicky in the eye, when get i saw her crying i would cry.

"are you gonna say anything nicks?..." i asked her

"fuck, i just got you back baby, i can't loose you. your gonna end up killing yourself if you keep doing this." she replied, her voice breaking

"i'm sorry that i'm not the worlds most perfect girlfriend. i'm sorry that i wanted to get out of that fucking box nicky!"

"give me your arms."

"what?"

"you heard me."

I held out my arms, she rolled up my sleeves and took off the bandages, she unlocked the stall and she placed my arms in the sink with cold water.

"i'm sorry i wasn't there to stop you." nicky looked at my reflection in the mirror and she slightly smiled. "i love you so much, kid. and it's scary to see you like this."

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i was in so much pain, it was awful. i wasn't given anymore painkillers. I was laying in my bed r trying to muffle my crying with my pillow. Everyone else was asleep since it was 1:30 in the morning. After 12 the guards usually fall asleep in the bubble.

Nicky always stayed up late listening to her pocket radio with her earbuds, after awhile she did end up falling asleep but it took her longer tonight. She was still awake.

I sat up in my bed, i rolled up my sleeves and i took off the bandages, i scratched at my arms more. i was angry at myself for letting things get this bad and it also itched, but i did it mainly because i was angry.

I looked down at my arms "shit shit shit shit.. this wasn't supposed to happen" i rolled down my sleeves and i quickly got out of my bed, i left the dormitories and i walked to the bathroom

since nicky was still away she obviously noticed me leaving and decided to follow me. I wrapped my arms in toilet paper since i didn't have bandages and i rolled my sleeve back down, finishing before nicky entered.

"hey kid, watcha doin' up so late?"

"i had to pee.." i looked at her nervously

She walked over to me, lifting me into the counter, placing herself between my legs with her arms on either of my thighs.

"you look beautiful ivy." nicky said, looking up at me whilst dragging the tip of her tongue on her bottom lip

she slipped one hand down my khakis, i let out a soft and quiet moan. she hadn't touched me in a month and i had missed it so much. She took a closer look at my face, she noticed i'd been crying earlier

"love, why're you crying?" nicky looked up at me and she took her hand out of my pants

"nothing, just don't stop okay? take me away" i softly replied

She nodded and grinned, slipping her hand back down my underwear and sliding her fingers inside of me

sex always numbed the pain, it was something else to focus on, it was bliss. it was pleasure. It took me away, and i always felt better after it, nicky hot breath against my neck and her fingers running along my thighs and lower half. We always made eye contact when we had sex when she wasn't eating me out. i liked it, usually if your having sex with someone they don't care they just do what they want but not nicky. nicky always made sure everything was okay.

i was great full for that, i loved how she was different from anyone i've ever been with. Having her in here while in prison was the best thing to happen, maybe prison was the best thing that's happened to me. If not for this place, i never would've met her.

author here,

last update: 11/12/21