Why Him ?

Just Get Through Tonight

Alice's P.O.V.

I knew it was going to be a long night, with all of the memories and everyone asking if I'm ok, things can get a little to much for a already broken person. I was standing with Ben and Jazz, and a couple of Liam's friends who had made it here early. "How you guys holding up?" Tom asked as he took another drink from his cup. "I guess we're ok, have a couple of rocks to keep us going" I said as I looked at Jazz. The convocation soon turned from how Ben and I were to how the games were going this season, that when I left Jazz to talk to Tom and Ben alone. I headed over to where Nic was sitting roasting some marshmallows on a stick. "Hey" I said as I sat next to her, she nodded her head in my direction and continued what she was doing. We sat in silence listening to the talk of everyone else, it was so nice too just sit for a few minute without questions coming left, right, and centre.

Jazz soon came to find me, and sat next to me on the log, we sat talking about how the night was going and then I had Ben at my side to ask me to start to try and get everybody to write something on the paper for the balloons. My cameras were set up to photograph the balloons. I grabbed Jazz' hand and asked him to come with me, he agreed and we both went to stand on the deck. "Excuse me everyone, but I you would all like to make a sort of line to grab a piece of paper and a balloon, as were going to get ready to set them off soon. Everyone made there way to the table where Nic and Ben had set up the paper and attached it to ribbon. Jazz and me handed out the balloons, and asked people to wait till everyone was ready to set them off. I grabbed some papers for Jazz and me and started to write mine down when it started to settle down a little. Jazz did the same and was finished before me, I wrote one each for Liam and John, leaving the ones for my grandparents till later.

On Liam's I wrote To my best friend and lover, I miss you so much it hurts daily to think of not having you here by my side. I hope that you support my decision to take Jasper back and that you are happy that I have moved on. But you know deep down that you will forever have a piece of my heart. I love you so much baby, Your Alice forever x.

John's was filled with love also To my second dad, I miss you daily and I hope that you are watching over me and Ben, and that you are happy that Pam has found someone else to care for other than the two of us. I miss you so much and will love you always just like my dad. Forever missing you, your Ali x.

I don't know what Jasper wrote on his to Liam but he was finished before I was and was standing holding two balloons for me to tie my ribbon to. I gave him Johns to tie for me and took a balloon to tie for Liam. Once they were both tied up I took both balloons from him and stood back on the decking next to the cabin holding his hand. Ben, Pam and Nic joined us as I asked everyone to think of the two and to help them send there balloons to find them, wherever they may be. Once the balloons had been released by everyone I took my camera and took some photos of them floating to our loved ones.  It was a beautiful sight so blissful for there day.

Once everyone had watched the balloons for a while they went back to their convocations with one another, Jazz took my hand once again and pulled me into his chest. I relaxed the moment I hit it, finding my little safe haven for the moment its a hard place for me to find. I mentally decided to set the balloons loose for my grandparents in the morning, around sunset, maybe Darren will join me, however I don't know if I want him to. Jazz held me his chest not moving, both of us happy to be close; his kissed the top of my head and I pulled my head up to look at him. "I love you, you know that right" I asked smiling as I looked at him. "Of course I know that babe, I love you too, more than you will know" he replies looking into my eyes. I don't know what I would do without him sometimes, he's been the first person I have really felt alive with after Liam died, it's hard to do something like that.

We stood holding each other for a while, till Daz and Alex came over to talk and we separated a little. "You ok sis?" Darren asked as he pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. I nodded my head a little and sniffed his cologne a little more, he always smells great. He held onto me for a while, knowing that I felt safe and I think he felt better too.  Me and Darren have always been so close, I miss spending time together as brother and sister, some of the people at school think we put the loving brother and sister act on just for others bit we have always been the same, he's my rock.  I finished hugging him and went back to stand with Jazz. He wrapped me up in his arms again as we continued to talk to Darren and Alex, we talked about a lot of things, like what was happening when we got back home and started school again.

Everyone started to clear off around 1am, once the last of the people had left we cleared up a little and then headed into the cabin to bed. We would clear up in the morning. Jazz and I got into bed and he pulled me into him close, "I love you so much" he said kissing my hair, "I love you too" I replied as we lay in one another's arms. Not long after Jazz had nodded off and I got up out of bed. I grabbed my dressing gown and went along to Alex and Darren's rooms. I tapped lightly on the door and opened it, "Daz, you up?" I asked into the darkness. "He's asleep Alice" I heard Alex say as I stepped into the room. "ah, ok it doesn't matter, I'll wait till morning" I replied and headed back for the door. "What's wrong?" I heard him ask "nothing I was just going to ask him if he wanted to let of the balloons for nan and grandas memorial before dawn" I replied once again "ok" he replied and I slipped back out of the door and into my room.