In Order to Love Chaos, You must Understand Him

Fire Crackles

'I can't get over the feeling I felt when I was near the Hojo leader. There's something going on. I need to find out, but I'm not skilled enough. I need to hone in on these skills, so I can go back there again and really see this time what's wrong. I have to go to training.'

She sent herself out everyday to train in the woods. She also decided to take up some weapon practice. She picked the one that Kotaro bought that one day. 'If this is the one he uses,' she thought, then that's the one I'll use too!'

Every now and then, she saw Kotaro walking around or heard of his passing cataclysm and in her heart she felt more desire to be just like him. The hardest part was not the endurance she had to take on to increase her stamina and muscle density, but to learn the way of the weapon. She had no instructor, so it was all self taught. However, she tried her best to see how Kotaro used it as he went on in his tormenting sprees.

There were times she felt herself lucky when Kotaro came up to her and played with her. Unlike most people, they usually felt sudden fear and obedience came, so he could spare their lives. He was not able to do that much, but he did notice a reaction when he said naughty girl or naughty dog. After this, he noticed that fear was not the way to strike anything in her. There was no getting his way through intimidation, but there still was a way. It's not his style whatsoever to toy with romantic emotions, but if it causes pain, then he's willing to use it. He knows she wants him in such a way, but to a woman he would never confine himself.

Fire spreads like wild as his chaos does as well. That is why she was never a candle to be confined in glass. Gasoline to spread rapidly and to cease other elements down. Chaos is not compatible with chaos. If chaos was compatible with anything, then it wouldn't be chaos, and that's also why she is not chaos either. She is just fire unconfined that spreads an imitation of chaos. To gaze at unconfined fire is to understand chaos, but fire is not chaos itself.

They both understand this. They both understand what each other is.

Two things that understand each other, but are never to touch. Yes, this is their type of love.

The God of Fire laments to his daughter, "I love all the rest, but as what I am, I could never truly be with any of them. If I were to touch plant life, they would cry. If I were to touch air, he would get sick. If I were to touch water, she would screech. It's why I wanted you to be with him. He is unconfined. I had assumed you might fall in love with him as he showed you something to love, and I knew it would hurt not being able to have him, but it's well worth it for you to be free." "It is not pain in the end, if you know how to be with him well," he departs his last crackle in the wood.

As time passed with increasing meetups, Kotaro grew more tolerant and fond of her. She wasn't loud and obnoxious. When they were together, she didn't get in his way and she didn't have to tell her anything. She knew these things on her own despite not much experience and only training. He didn't tell her how to use the weapon, but little by little, she was able to get more of a hang of it each time he saw her.

Eventually, Kotaro decides to put her to the test.

"Y/N, infiltrate the Hojo again, but this time don't just bring back food. Go out and see if you can gain some intel."

"Intel? Don't you already know everything that goes on?"

"It doesn't matter. Just do it." He goes closer to her ear and whispers, "Unless you're saying you can't even do that simple task as my servant?"

"Servant? Since when am I your servant," she asked flustered, but didn't back away.

"Since now. I just decided. Come back here with not just anything you hear. Go near Hojo's room and listen in. That is the only thing I'll take from you. Try not to die."

With that mission, Y/N feels her gut wrench a bit. 'Him again...'